why wont people let me die
cant they see that its the right thing to do for me
why dont they understand
the voices are shouting at me again
telling me to hurt myself, telling me to die
telling me to purge
i cant ignore them anymore
i cant cope with this
im too fat
and everytime i look in the mirror it makes the feelings worse
im seeing my eip worker tomorrow
everytime
no matter how hard i try
i end up lying
im gonna try to write some things down
hope that works
i suppose i just need some hugs/support or something
please
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
I'm sorry things aren't going so well.
I'm not sure what to say, other than that. Just keeping hanging on, sometimes I know it doesn't seem like it, but things will get better for you. It takes a painful and long amount of time sometimes, but things will get better. Don't give up now, you still do have a fighting chance. Even if it doesn't seem like it. I believe in you, and I believe you can get through this :) And you know if you ever need to talk there's a lot of people here who would be willing to do their best to help you, including me. You can PM me anytime :] Stay strong.
i feel so hopeless
like nothing will ever get better
i just want to die
my family dont understand that
they would be so much better without me
keep trying to purge
NOT FUCKING WORKING
i hate me
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
i told her most things
i didnt tell her i was this suicidal
but she is going to call me next week
she said she was going to call the dr. about my medication
and some stuff about me being unwell etc etc
so they are going to talk about increasing my meds, there is no point in changing them as i am on the medication that they use when most others dont work (clozapine)
im still feeling very very low
ive hardly eaten today
i just want to curl up in a ball, close my eyes and hope it will all go away
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Well done for telling her.
Do you think you could try eat something small because if you haven't had anything today it is going to make you feel worse.
Maybe do something nice and relaxing for yourself tonight.
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
Hey im sorry that i didnt get to this sooner but i wanted to say i think that was really brave of you - to start to share with your worker just how bad things are for you right now.
Well done.
Thats a great step and very brave.i know its hard but i hope as time passes that you can be even more open and honest with her but this is a great start and must have taken a lot to do.
i hope that her talking with your doc etc goes well and am glad also that she is calling you next week.
Please remember also that you can come here when you need.
i/we want to help you get through this.
Well done for fighting and i know you probably dont want to or feel like it right now but as said above it might be helpful to try and eat even something really small.
It might just give your body a bit of a boast, make you feel a bit better within yourself [in a 'your body needs food to be healthy and function' kind of way - sorry if not put that right!] but i know thats probably still very hard for you right now.i just hope that you can manage it soon.
Also i know we feel like it sometimes [and sometimes very strongly] but people wouldnt be better off with you dead and i dont think your worker thinks so either.
im so sorry you feel so low.
Take care.
i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!
Hey i hope that the bath helps and that tonight and the weekend arent too bad for you either.
Also i know its probably not much use me saying this and certainly if your struggling it may obviously not be how you feel/what you want to hear but just to put a positive on what youve just said though it must have been unbelievably scary to think you wouldnt reach 15 and yet you did and your now 17 perhaps it shows bit by bit you can and are getting through things day by day, moment by moment and then all that adds up.
i know that that isnt ideal but it has to be a start doesnt it and i really hope that things start to improve for you again soon.
Must be hard when things are like this and well done for getting this far!i know its hard but it shows your strength whether right now you feel strong or not.If you see what i mean!Sorry im not very good at explaining and also i ramble.
Take care.
i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!
i keep meaning to get some like, natural sleep remidies
just need to find out if i can have it with my meds.
stupid medication ¬_¬
just about to have a bath
hopefully that will relax me so i can sleep a little bit better tonight
i hate being tired all the time
just makes me more depressed
:(
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Sweetie, I'm sorry you're feelin' so bad right now. *hugs*
Please try telling people how you really feel. Writing things down can be a very good idea, if you feel unable to say what's going on. *cuddles*
You can get through this. People aren't going to let you die sweetie because they care and love you! Hope you feel a little better soon. Take care, and remember I'm always here if you need anything. xo.
havnt eaten again today
told my mum i was feeling ill
i know its not healthy
but i now ive started i cant stop
if i start eating i wont be able to stop
its all so hard
just been watching tv all day
i have no life anymore
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
hey becky,
i'm really sorry to hear you're feeling so low like this, you really really do not deserve any of this.
life is worth the fight, you are worth the fight. you have your whole life ahead of you, don't throw that away.
you are more loved than you'll ever know. don't let yourself struggle with this on your own, we're always here for ya too.
please don't give up, keep fighting.
*sends squishes*
feeling so low
i have pills here
so so close
the only people i can call are the crisis team people
my eip worker only works until 5pm.
i dont want to waste their time
i dont want to waste anyones time ever again
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
