It didn't matter in the end how old they had been, or that they were girls,
but only that we had loved them and that they hadn't heard us calling,
still do not hear us calling them from out of those rooms where they went to be alone for all time,
and where we will never find the pieces to put them back together.
You're so fucking annoying. You advertise your eating disorder whenever you get the chance and it REALLY FUCKING TRIGGERS ME. We've known each other - what? - 5 years and you don't seem to understand that. Unless you're doing it on purpose, which actually you probably are. Grow up.
that was the first thing you ever said to me,
i looked back through my myspace comments
it was heartbreaking
seeing all the nice things you said to me
all the little pictures you drew on paint and took the trouble of uploading onto photobucket and posting them in a comment, photos of our random outings, you said i was beautiful, that you loved me.
pages and pages of comments that you sent, i read through them all, i wanted to read through the ones i sent yo, but of course i can't cos you blocked me.
i love you.
i love you so much every breath i take HURTS.
why are you with her?
whats she got that i havent?
all those times you said you hated her?
she drove you mad?
i dont get it
we were in love.
we were engaged.
you asked me to marry you.
''we were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it. ...so much for my happy ending.''
Im glad you get to spend time with him again. And I understand that you guys are like brothers, but I cant help but feel like he's replacing me. I cant help but feel like all of your friends are beginning to replace me because it seems like you'd rather spend time with them than talk to me. And I know this makes me sound clingy and controlling, but you're the only thing that gets me through my days. Not talking to you is like my constant withdrawls from cutting and pill popping and everything else times 10. It's like the constant nagging in the back of my mind everytime I eat something, only intensified. I understand that you guys havent seen each other in years, I really do, but I feel like Im now on the back burner. God, we've only been dating for almost 3 months. . .I shouldnt be this clingy. I shouldnt be this obsessive. I shouldnt be this protective. . .or should I? It feels so right, but at the same time, so wrong. Maybe it's because we fell in love before we got together. Maybe its because I've eternally committed myself to you and let down my barriers to you. . .I dont know. I'm sorry, I know I shouldnt feel this way but I havent actually had a conversation with you since like 2pm yesterday at the end of the school day when you came to walk me to my bus, and its killing me. I miss you. I know its just the weekend, I'll see you and hold you at school, but I want to talk to you. I miss you so much. I miss your voice, I miss your touch, I miss your kiss, I miss reading the words "I Love You Baby" as they pop up on my IM screen, I miss your smell(and your sweatshirt doesnt do it justice), I miss everything about you right now. And I just want you to come online and talk to me, and tell me you love me, and that you always will. I just want to be selfish and never share you with anyone. . .but I know how much they mean to you. I know how close you are to them. I really do understand that. I really truly do. I'm sorry. . .I shouldnt be thinking this way. I shouldnt be feeling this way. I'm sorry I even posted this. . .
x.x.x
Last edited by tonightXweXfall : 07-06-2009 at 02:45 AM.
Reason: mis-type
"I let my guard down, and you caught me by surprise" Sonic Syndicate
add me if you want. just let me know you're from RYL.
I must be the only dork that watches the first two thirds of the titanic, swoons, then turns it off and pretends they got happily married and had kids..... hehe.
I wish that I never told you to read the blog, b.c now I feel like a raging bitch. . .I didnt realize how much it was killing you to not talk to me. . .I thought you were being overly occupied by friends to care about how I've been feeling and missing you. I didnt realize that you would cry because you miss me so much. So why are you never online? Why havent I really talked to at all this weekend?? I miss you baby. I know I've been gone most of the weekend, but I know I've told you around what time I would be back online, and I completely understand that you had your brother's graduation to go to on Friday. . .I just wish that I could talk to you more. . .see to more. . .physically be there for you. Now Im on the verge of tears, because I feel like the worst person in the world. I'm sorry. . .
x.x.x
"I let my guard down, and you caught me by surprise" Sonic Syndicate
add me if you want. just let me know you're from RYL.
You say I should help more, clear up after myself, but I know if I do, it'll just become another compulsion, and once that happens, all you'll complain about is how much I do it and why don't I stop because i'm being so selfish, spending all your money on cleaning products. Don't you understand that I either have to avoid it completely, or take it overboard. I'm just trying to save us from having to live with something worse.
I love you truly.
