Something someone said to me *Bullying trigger*

[celuthea]

I haven't posted in this section before, but I have lurked, and feel confident that you can help me out a little.

I finally told a friend about what happened at school. I was bullied from year 7-11 by a specific group of girls who called me names, particularly singling me out because of my red hair and bad skin. They never hit me, but I had doors slammed on me and the shut my fingers in a flip-top desk - it was at this point I finally just stopped arguing back and accepted that they hated me and I was everything they told me.

So, I opened up to this friend. She and I became close after I left school, and she knows about my self-confidence, esteem and anxiety issues, and she said, to quote:

"So basically you're blaming your self-harm and everything on some other girls? Isn't that a bit ridiculous?"

I just sat there looking at her, and we changed the subject, but her words have really upset me, and now I'm wondering, am I just looking for an excuse to have problems? Am I putting the onous of these problems on someone else so I can justify having them?

I just wanted to hear what you all thought; sorry about the essay-length post!

[bobbiwibble]

*hugs*

bullying can have serious effects on the victims, and it can often be hard for others to understand.. it's a shame your friend said that and I don't agree with her. Obviously there a million other reasons why people can have emotional problems, and I don't know your whole background so I can't say. I've known girls who seem to have the perfect life, and admit it themselves, but are still depressed, self-harmers, anxious etc - mental and emotional problems are always far more complex than anybody imagines.
Bullying isn't generally something that can cause problems in itself - it's the feelings it produces, like you said, being told that you were nothing every day, you end up believing it, maybe being scared of strangers, maybe having trouble opening up or forming strong bonds, or maybe being excessively needy. It varies a lot.

Hope that helps a bit
xxxxxxxxxbobbi

[shadow-light]

I think that your friend has probably never been bullied...
to someone looking in at bullying they always thinks it wont affect a person as much as it does... but as you say when you hear these things day in day out you start to believe them... bullying destroys self confidence and self esteem, both of which are very important in living a happy existence...

[celuthea]

Quote:

*hugs*

bullying can have serious effects on the victims, and it can often be hard for others to understand.. it's a shame your friend said that and I don't agree with her. Obviously there a million other reasons why people can have emotional problems, and I don't know your whole background so I can't say. I've known girls who seem to have the perfect life, and admit it themselves, but are still depressed, self-harmers, anxious etc - mental and emotional problems are always far more complex than anybody imagines.
Bullying isn't generally something that can cause problems in itself - it's the feelings it produces, like you said, being told that you were nothing every day, you end up believing it, maybe being scared of strangers, maybe having trouble opening up or forming strong bonds, or maybe being excessively needy. It varies a lot.

Hope that helps a bit
xxxxxxxxxbobbi

I totally disagree with my friend; she just judged incorrectly, and it really reverberated. Your post helps a lot; it makes me feel less like I'm being weird and overreacting, and more like that I might well be on to something here. Thank you *hugs back*

Quote:

I think that your friend has probably never been bullied...
to someone looking in at bullying they always thinks it wont affect a person as much as it does... but as you say when you hear these things day in day out you start to believe them... bullying destroys self confidence and self esteem, both of which are very important in living a happy existence...

To my knowledge, she hasn't been bullied, and when I see her again, I will be pointing it out to her - she doesn't know how it feels.
Bullying seems to affect a part of a person that you don't realise you have until it's damaged (at least in my experience), and I think that hearing that you're ugly/fat etc damages you.

Thanks, both of you, for your comments - they really did make me feel 100% better! *hugs*