Triggering (SI) - I just don't know what to do with myself

[celuthea]

My dog had to be put to sleep today. This isn't a big deal to most people, in fact my husband hasn't even shed a tear, but I feel like my heart's been ripped open. I don't know how to cope now, I just miss him so, so much. I can't imagine how I can go to university tomorrow, choir thursday, life forever.

I never got to take him in my car, or have silly water fights or cuddles with him one more time. I just don't want to go on without him, I miss him so much and every time I'm alone I want to hurt myself so badly. I keep having like, flashes of how to really badly hurt myself like when I broke my hand, and I want that pain again to take my mind off him.

I just want him back, so badly. I know he's in a better place, in no pain and is chasing rats and bunny rabbits in heaven and barking and being happy, but I need him so badly.

I'm sorry for posting an essay; I really need some support, my mum is away on holiday and she's normally my rock for things like this.

[TinkerDebs]

aww it sounds like your dog was your best friend - it must be so hard
i know that i'd really miss my cat if i ever lost ehr :(
but you can get through this - look back through photos of him and remember all the good times you had with him
it's ok to be upset
*hugs*

[Buttons.]

Hi there,
It is completely understandable to grieve and feel saddened and hurt when something you love so much passes away-it is just as real and valid as any human death in the impact your dog's death has had in your heart. It might be worth making a memory box of him, maybe put in some pictures, his collar, a favourite toy? Then all those happy memories you spoke of-they are kept alive both in your head and in a more physical and tangible way in that box.

It is also very understandable to want to turn to an old coping mechanism like self harm to deal with difficult things, though it might be worth asking yourself questions such as 'Can I talk to someone or distract myself instead of self harm?' or 'Do I really want to let this urge control me and my life?'

Take care
Katy.

[bobbiwibble]

oh god I know how you feel :( my dog is quite old and was sick recently, she recovered but mum kept saying stuff like 'maybe we should prepare ourselves' and trying to hint and my stomach would knot and i'd completely ignore her. it didnt help that I saw Marley & Me in the same month and was totally unprepared for the ending! it sounds bad but i think i would miss her more than all but a handful of humans.

stay strong. just think how much better it is than him dying in pain. you did the right thing by him. he wouldnt want you to hurt yourself remember - it would scare and upset him

xxxxxxxxxbobbib

[Katiee]

I'm sorry to hear that, hunni. Trust me though, it'll get easier. xo.

[celuthea]

Thank you all for your support *hugs all round* I've not self harmed, but the idea is still in my mind, I'm hoping I wont get an oppourtunity to hurt myself.

I really really like the idea of a memory box for him - he was such a nosy little guy, it would have been right up his street! His nose would have been in there as soon as I opened it! I think I'll make one tomorrow for him, and include a picture of the flower plant I planted for him on his favourite spot in the garden. He'd love it to pee up!

Thank you all again; your comments made me feel better, after an incredibly boring day.