Triggering (SI) - Oh my god. Please help, anyone?!

silvermist · 02-05-2009, 09:51 PM

My self-harming has got so bad

This morning I did 142 cuts in about 5minutes so my skin now looks a mess. But I've just gone and done even more! I can't stop

I know it may be a bit weird counting the cuts etc but for some reason I always do that

I've tried so many things and I'm really scared. I think this is getting pretty urgent now. This is insane and I wish I could just stop but it feels so addictive and makes me feel so much better afterwards

extreme turbulance · 02-05-2009, 09:57 PM

Im so sorry to hear that your cutting is getting so bad :( is there anybody you can talk to about it? like a parent or a friend or a counsellor?

and its not weird to count them, i always do!

feel free to pm me anytime!

hope ur ok! keep talking!

silvermist · 02-05-2009, 10:06 PM

My best friend knows, I live with him but he's gone out and I've lost all control, he's usually the one to take care of me when I'm like this and he knows I've been in a state today so part of me feels annoyed at him for leaving me in this way even though I feel awful for feeling like that

I'm seeing my dr again on friday so will maybe mention that I do it if I have the guts..

I usually do it on my legs but it's all over my arms now and I look such a mess, how on earth will I be able to wear t-shirts now

ksdfjhlksajf · 02-05-2009, 10:34 PM

*hugs* Did you clean up the cuts and bandage them? That's the first thing you should do. Can you call your friend? Is there anyone else you can call?

I'm sorry it's gotten so bad!

silvermist · 02-05-2009, 10:41 PM

Yeah I put some antiseptic cream on them and now have a bandage on them. They hurt sooo much. I'm currently on msn talking to someone who's like a sister to me.

I feel out of control, it's frightening.

ksdfjhlksajf · 02-05-2009, 10:43 PM

*Hugs* It's good to keep talking to someone as much as you can. Hopefully that'll help a little. I'm sorry you feel so out of control right now

anabelleagain · 02-05-2009, 10:49 PM

Tell someone. A counsellor or nurse at school, your parents, the police... someone. Ask your parents if you can see a therapist? Counting is not silly at all (I'm super OCD about the #), but that does sound like a terribly large amount in a short time. Did you feel the need to keep going? My concern there is that you're becoming immune to your SI so you feel the need to do more to get an effect-- which is a very dangerous, slipper slope.

*hug* We're here for you.

silvermist · 02-05-2009, 11:02 PM

Thank you *hugs*

I don't go to school anymore and I don't live with my parents. But telling them is definately not an option, they'd only say I'm being silly like they did when I started it.

But I am going to ask my dr if he can refer me to a therapist cos I think I could do with one.

Today was the first time I cut right across my wrists, I usually do it either side if that makes sense. And first time I used a knife too. So I can see it's getting even worse. I really feel so hooked on it

Sorry if this is stuff I shouldn't be saying

silvermist · 02-05-2009, 11:04 PM

And yes I keep feeling the need to do it over and over and over. :/

Katiee · 03-05-2009, 03:21 AM

Hun, I'm sorry you feel this bad. Can you talk to someone? I hope you're feelin' a little better now. *hugs* I'm always here if you wanna chat. xo.

unbearable · 03-05-2009, 07:59 AM

aw i'm so sorry you're going through all of this right now. it sounds like you aren't very stable at all right now, are you safe? it also worries me that there isn't anyone there around you right now. it sounds like you should really seek help. friends are great to talk to and can offer amazing amounts of support but sometimes professionals can really help.

xlaurenx · 03-05-2009, 03:22 PM

I agree with pretty much everyone has said,maybe if there is no one you can talk to like a freind or something like that, why dont you try calling a helpline? Are you getting a proffesional help with your SH?
Take care hun PM me whenever hun

silvermist · 08-05-2009, 04:39 AM

Thanks all of you <3

Tommorow I am seeing my doctor, and am going to mention my SH to him. He's understanding and lovely, but I'm so scared. I feel very unsafe and unstable on my own. The scary thing is, I know I'm capable of doing something huge if given the chance :(

In a way.. I don't want my SH to be taken away from me, it's kind of comforting. So this scares me even more. I can't win.. :(