Graphic / Triggering - never felt this bad. =( *triggering*

[owlfeather]

ive never felt this bad.
i was doing really well,
and i fdont know what happened.
i was eating,
i was happy and seeing my friends,
i hadent self harmed in ages

and now its all turned round, and im angry, im upset, really upset.
i wouldent have got up today if my mum hadent poured water over me,(), everything seems too much, havent slept in a while, cutting 3 or 4 times a day, and purging again. i thought i got out the habit of purging but all this stuff has just come back when i thought i was recovering. i dont know what tyo do. im getting really triggered and
early hours of this morning i got the worst feeling ever that i felt like i was going to kill myself, and i was really scared and i couldent stop crying, the panic attacks are back and i just dont know what to do im really sorry for posting this xxx

[xxhappydaysxx]

Hey honey,

firstly no need to apologise for posting at all. This a support site and you are welcome to post anytime. Did it help you to write out how you were feeling a bit too?

I'm sorry that things have got so bad .. BUT they have been good recently which gives you the hope that they can and will be good again, you need to fight through this rough patch. Does your mum know about how you are feeling/have felt in the past? Maybe you could talk to her about it...Or do you have any support of professionals/friends etc? Althoguh opening up can be hard, it often does take the load off a bit.

when you are triggered could you try writing or drawing to keep distracting? Or maybe having a bath, listening to some music or putting on a film could help keep your mind busy while you are feeling low. Alternatively theres always helplines you can call/email if you are feeling suicidal and you can always post here.

Has anything triggered you to be feeling like this again?
Thinking of you hun, here anytime
xxx

[owlfeather]

thank you so much for replying. xx
im seeing my psch, malcolm on thursday
tommorow im going out with my friends, to try to calm down and chill out a bit.im going to try to stay on here for a bit and stuff, then going for a bath, like you suggestedd,
thank you so much for replying
it means so much to me.
xxxxxx