Sometimes I only have way to feel alive.. To bleed
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Kent, UK
I am currently:
Triggering (SI) - Trying to get through this week, one day at a time...
Hey guys,
Its been ages since I posted anything on here, Ive been on chat the last couple of days, just trying to get some help, some support you know? My best friend has been incredible, and she knows what is going on. I know she is there for me whatever, but I don't feel like its fair on her sometimes to offload the same shit on her again and again, especially when she has enough to deal with herself.
On Friday, it'll be the 2 year anniversary of my brothers death. He was 23 when he died. I was closer to him than anyone else in the family. He knew about my past, and I knew I could talk to him about anything. He was always there, despite me being a rubbish sister a lot of the time. He didnt necessarily agree with what I did, but I knew he loved me.
I was supposed to have a psychiatric assessment today, but they cancelled at the last minute, meaning I have to mentally prepare ymself for the onslaught all over again.
I met with my parents on Saturday for lunhc. We hadnt seen eachother in 6 weeks and it was good to see them, until they suddenly out of nowhere decided they wanted to know about when I was raped at 15. I was honest, told them all the information. But I didnt even tell them and I dont know how they know.
Under all this pressure. I SIed yesterday. i feel so down and I honestly feel like it wasnt enough. But I just know how to cope anymore. I feel like Im back to square one. Is it true? Once a self harmer, always a self harmer?
Cheers All,
Alex xxx
And I am aware now of how everything’s gonna be fine one day Too late, I’m in hell I am prepared now, seems everyone’s gonna be fine One day too late, just as well
Sometimes I only have way to feel alive.. To bleed
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Kent, UK
I am currently:
I am really struggling now, I think my dad knows, and all my Si cleaning kit has gone. I keep trying to call my best friend and it goes straight to answer machine. I feel so alone and desperate
And I am aware now of how everything’s gonna be fine one day Too late, I’m in hell I am prepared now, seems everyone’s gonna be fine One day too late, just as well
SECOND...i will get you through this. It will be hard and i will stand by your side every step of the day.. things are rought right now but they wont be later. Because i will ,make sure its all ok!
XX
I love you babes... and this will get better.
It aint always gunna be like this... i promise. People do get over this but it takes time xxx
Love you xx
H xx
I'm flying away & leaving the pain behind...
just promise me heavens still wants me,
and that i'll be beautiful when i saw past the cloud break.
Sometimes I only have way to feel alive.. To bleed
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Kent, UK
I am currently:
Thank you babe,
As always, you said exactly what I needed ot hear, at just the right time. You are such an amazing support to me.
Love you,
Alex x
And I am aware now of how everything’s gonna be fine one day Too late, I’m in hell I am prepared now, seems everyone’s gonna be fine One day too late, just as well
