You know.. it's funny how God works sometimes. I still feel the way I felt when I posted that note a little while ago but, for some reason I'm still so excited to see how God is going to use all of these hardships I'm going through right now. He really put this song on my heart,so I thought I would share. The lyrics are just amazing..and I hope for this song to be the theme to my testimony one day when I am free from alll this. I picture myself infront of my brothers and sisters, talking about all I've been through, and where God has brought me from.
Where the spirit of the Lord is
There is freedom (repeat)
Lift your eyes to heaven
There is freedom (repeat)
Chorus:
Freedom reigns in this place
Showers of mercy and grace
Falling on every face
There is freedom
Jesus, reigns in this place
Showers of mercy and grace
Falling on every face
There is freedom
Verse 2:
If you're tired or thirsty
There is freedom (repeat)
Give your all to Jesus
There is freedom (repeat)
I have faith that my future husband will look at my scars and see them as markings of God's grace... He'll see them as signs of where I was and what God has brought me out of...
That's beautiful Salanna. *weakly smiles*
I've always had that fear, that if I am lucky enough to finally find someone that he'll hate my because of my scars.
We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin. ~André Berthiaume
heh ya, I feel the same way kind of, luv0817. But then I think- if someone can eventually love me even though I have depression/anxiety/OCD, then what's a few scars too?
*shrugs* I just made finding myself a guy who will accept me a lot harder, didn't I? See how quickly I went back to negative feelings? Actaully, I'm only about half way.. I still feel a little hopeful about some of the things I said.
I don't know what to do. I don't care about school anymore. I've missed almost all of my classes this week. I missed work almost everyday. I called in sick for my mandatory volunteer work (it is for a class) and I'm already struggling to meet the amount of volunteer hours I need for the class.
I don't pray anymore. Sometimes I pray a little. I used to be really big on prayer. I think it is because I don't know if it helps. I prayed for a friend last night and I didn't even let her know I was doing it. I believed it could help. I want to get back to praying, I want to get back to Him, but I don't know how. He seems so far away. I want Him to protect me and He hasn't. I am in so much pain. I have an administrative hearing in 2 weeks. It was supposed to be on Friday but my assailant was able to get it pushed back. Get this, he did that on Thursday - the day before it was supposed to happen. I have to tell my story. I have to relive it. If I ask my friend to be a "witness" and say what I was like afterwards, I can't have her as a support person. I don't know who else to ask. There are very few people who will actually help to have there and that I would feel comfortable with them knowing every detail. There are people who would support me, but I don't want them to know every detail.
Where is God???
Please, God, let me feel Your presence. How do I get back there?
At this rate, I am going to have to either withdraw from the semester, or go through it and have my grades wiped out. Put in the effort for nothing. Stay another semester. I'm already a semester behind because I already had to take off one because of the pain.
I was supposed to graduate in a few months. I was supposed to be done with this triggering school. It was supposed to be over.
Why can't He help me? How is this helping me? Everything happens for a reason; everything can be made good through Him.
I feel like my life is shattering. I cry sometimes, but hardly ever. Normally just teary eyes and not actual crying. I'm ruining my life.
Hey there everyone :) Been feeling good enough to wander down this way without fearing a trigger. Still doing really well, and praying for you all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by frickie
I've been feeling so ashamed about my scars lately.. most of them are hidden but, it doesn't make me feel better because what happens if I get married one day? He doesn't deserve to see those scars.. I look in the mirror every night and see the ones on my shoulders and I just get so sad because I can't take those away now.
The guy I most likely will end up marrying someday had this to say about my scars. "Babe, I don't even see them. I mean, I know they're there but to me you are so beautiful they don't matter. They're marks of how hard you fought to stay alive when you could have just went the easy way out and succumbed to your suicidal thoughts." I'm sure when you find the right guy he'll feel the same way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by frickie
I'm in a wedding party this summer and the bride doesn't deserve to have those scars that will show on my shoulders in her pictures.
Could you ask the bride if you could wear a formal shawl over your shoulders? I'm sure she'd understand if you're uncomfortable with having them "on display" and want to be relaxed so her pictures to be the best they can be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by frickie
And above all else- I am ruining the body God gave me. It's one thing to sin because it is part of our nature but, to ruin something God GAVE me? It just seems horrible.
Yes, it's hard to think about it that way and yes, God doesn't like it but He loves you no matter what. To go back to what I was saying earlier about guys: God is the Mr. Right for us - more so than any human here on Earth-, and He sees us as beautiful no matter what we've done.
I don't pray anymore. Sometimes I pray a little. I used to be really big on prayer. I think it is because I don't know if it helps. I prayed for a friend last night and I didn't even let her know I was doing it. I believed it could help. I want to get back to praying, I want to get back to Him, but I don't know how. He seems so far away. I want Him to protect me and He hasn't. I am in so much pain. I have an administrative hearing in 2 weeks...
Defyodds: I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. I admire you for praying...even if you have only prayed a little as it takes a lot to talk to God when your struggling like this.
Can I ask what an asailant is please as I do not understand?...maybe it an non UK thing.
I'm sorry that I cannot be much help to you as I am going thru a similar problem. But I have found that knowing that God is with me and has an amazing plan for me has really encouraged me when I'm feeling down.
- Jer 29:11
...I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for...
Hey guys, it's been a while (again) I'm not sure when I last posted here, but I just hit my 2-month free mark last Wednesday after relapsing in November and having it carry into mid December..
I'm feeling much better with myself now, mostly, though I've been going through some eating issues... I figured I'd stop by and re-aquaint myself with the thread.
I missed you all :D
Though your sins are as red as blood, they will be whiter than snow or wool --Isaiah 1:18
Sorrow may last through the night, but joy will come in the morning --Psalm 30:5
When is God going to decide that I've "been at this mountain long enough". I don't know where my faith went but it did amongst all the suicidal feelings and attempts. Now? I'm floundering around with no guidance, no love, feeling as low as ever. Do you ever wonder if you are going through some kind of cruel test like Job? Sorry, I've been struggling with a lack of faith for quite some time yet can't forget or stop being pulled towards Him. Argh!
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
I think pretty soon I'm going to tell the guy I'm "talking" to about my si.
praying for you salanna
Quote:
Originally Posted by xcrashgirlx
Hey guys, it's been a while (again) I'm not sure when I last posted here, but I just hit my 2-month free mark last Wednesday after relapsing in November and having it carry into mid December..
I'm feeling much better with myself now, mostly, though I've been going through some eating issues... I figured I'd stop by and re-aquaint myself with the thread.
I missed you all :D :heart:
wb crash i remember you :P
Quote:
Originally Posted by no reason
When is God going to decide that I've "been at this mountain long enough". I don't know where my faith went but it did amongst all the suicidal feelings and attempts. Now? I'm floundering around with no guidance, no love, feeling as low as ever. Do you ever wonder if you are going through some kind of cruel test like Job? Sorry, I've been struggling with a lack of faith for quite some time yet can't forget or stop being pulled towards Him. Argh!
try being quiet and listening
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
xxworldxoffxx- thank you so much for the encouraging words. I really like what your boyfriend
said to you about your scars.. he sounds great. I certainly hope my future someone will be just as understanding.
I'm going to wait until the dress fitting and see how some of the scars are then, but I may ask about the formal shawl! That's a good idea. I'm hoping that if I can get a little sun to the scars, they may dry up/fade a bit by the wedding. Who knows.
As for what you said about God loving me and thinking I'm beautiful anyways- it's just so hard to believe that sometimes.. but I'm working on my self esteem.. and I know that God knows my heart, and that this self harm has become such an addiction.
noreason- My pastor said something interesting tonight at our young adults bible study, and I wanted to share it with you because it made me think of what you posted earlier. He said that sometimes roots grow the deepest in times of drought..because they are looking for water, and in doing that, they dig deeper and deeper in order to find it. I know it's one of those pieces of advice that you're like "ya thanks..but I'm getting tired of it and that isn't practical advice" but do keep it in mind. I hope it's atleast a little encouraging. It makes me happy to know that you feel that you are still being pulled towards Him, though. That's huge. I know it's difficult to be hopeful when you're right in the middle of so much bad but, I'll try and encourage you wherever I can. I'm in a fairly decent mood right now, I definitely don't think like this all the time..though we did a spiritual gifts test today in church and Faith was my second highest gift. Not sure how I can use those here , but I'll certainly try.
Take care
i say set prayers twice a day, and try very hard to mean the words but it feels 'wrong'. a friend suggests praying in my own words, which i've done a couple of times but i don't have very much to say! it's so difficult to talk, and i seem to end up crying when i pray that way.
hun god heres you no matter how you pray, i pray whenever, i use my own words it doesnt matter how you pray god doesnt care heloves you and just loves to hear you. i thought id share this bit off topic but yesterday we went to swansea as a youth group and on the way back our bus broke down it wasnt budging we got otu and everythingit wasnt moving at all so we phoned someone. whilst waiting we all decided to pray, we prayed and the driver gave it another go and it worked it was fixed how amazing is that. hun pray for anything and everything whatever is on your heart i guess i hope that helps xx
waiting in the dark: there are some acronyms that my pastor preched on once, and I'll have to ask him for them again..but sometimes it helps to have a bit of structure, but then be free to say something different everyday. take this acronym that I found for example:
P-praise
R-repent
A-ask
Y-yield
This way you can go in that order but, pray for the things specific to that day perhaps. If I get the other( s ) I'll share them with you also.
Just remember that God wants you to talk to Him from the heart.. start out small and you'd be surprised how long you can go after a while. Some days will be shorter than others.
Angel_Rachie:
An assailant is someone who assaults/attacks another person. Mine was a sexual assault.
And I love Jer 29:11, it was one of the first verses I memorized (I only started last year).
hi, im new to RYL, ive been a christian since i was 5 and had depression since i was 14, started sh about then and developed an ED about two years ago. really struggling at the moment...
thats about it really
gb x
I don't know what to do. I don't care about school anymore. I've missed almost all of my classes this week. I missed work almost everyday. I called in sick for my mandatory volunteer work (it is for a class) and I'm already struggling to meet the amount of volunteer hours I need for the class. 
