Paying your parents rent money

[[Purple_Rain]]

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Firstly, I fixed your comment.
Secondly, why is this even a question? Do _ _ _ _ _ _ _ s actually need an answer to justify earning a wage?

its a question, because im not trying to justify earning a wage. weather i pay rent or not would not change the fact weather i got a job or not. I was asking what people thought about people payign rent during uni holidays.

who says people havn't ernt the financial support of their parents? there is a difference ebtween financial support and luxeries.

and university is LIKELY to put you in debt. that is what i said.
you have no right to change what I said like that.

[[Purple_Rain]]

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You can. It's not impossible. My father recently was going to pay for my bike to be repaired after I crashed it. I refused his cash, because it was MY fault and I paid out of MY money

Thats not forceing them to take money off you, thats you refuseing to take money of them. BIG difference.

[IamJamesGreens]

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Originally Posted by [Purple_Rain]

I was asking what people thought about people payign rent during uni holidays.

Your question was actually - what about paying rent while at university? Thus asking for justification earning a wage whilst at university. I infinitely support _ _ _ _ _ _ _ s earning a wage whilst at university to help pay rent and other luxuries.

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Originally Posted by [Purple_Rain]

and university is LIKELY to put you in debt. that is what i said.

That is what you said. I was only correcting what you said.

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Originally Posted by [Purple_Rain]

you have no right to change what I said like that.

I was changing incorrect opinion to fact.

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Originally Posted by [Purple_Rain]

Thats not forceing them to take money off you, thats you refuseing to take money of them. BIG difference.

I suppose you're right there. However I'm now confused how your parents would be forced to take money away from yourself?

[user_name]

I can only speak from personal experience, but here goes. I think it depends on circumstance and I don't think you can tar everyone with the same brush. I think that is unfair. I have never paid my mother rent. However, bearing in mine I moved out a month after my 18th birthday, so i would have been under 18.

I have a part time job, I worked damn hard, alot of hours, almost full time hours whilst completing 6th form and a-levels, so I was earning a fair amount of money. I had bills and car stuff to pay out. Fair enough, it;s my stuff. But my mum, altough she struggled fincancially would have never asked me for rent money and I offered once and never did again. I think to some extent I made up for it though. I never borrowed money off her, ever, since I was 15. I helped out in her shop when I could. I dud most of the chores of the house and I baby sat my sister whenever she wanted me too. I also bought food for the house alot of the time.

For some reason, I didn;t dream of paying my mum rent. Call me selfish if you wish but I don't think I was.

[Fakesmile]

ok, i have some problems with what was said here. First, having lived in N.Y. all but 4 1/2 years of my life, I know the majority age in N.Y. is 18. And second, unless you signed some sort of waiver, I would totally sue your school for talking to your parents about your mental illness, as I am pretty sure that is illegal. At least in N.Y. and Illinois you have to sign a waiver in order for anyone who is treating you to talk to anyone else about your mental condition. When I attempted suicide when I was 21 no one talked to my parents about it. They only found out as my roomate told my sister. And the counselor I saw when I got out of the hospital wouldn't talk to my parents because of confidentiality. As for schools being successfully sued by parents, I would be interested in what the lawsuit was about exactly as Im pretty sure it is illegal for the school to talk to the parents if the student is technically an adult. I looked on the internet and found that the schools that I saw were sued were due to parents saying they influenced the choice of the student to commit suicide. There was a kid I knew who as a freshman in college committed suicide and he was seeing a counselor on campus. Yet his parents had no idea what was going on. So I'm pretty sure what you're school did was illegal unless it's written somewhere on something you signed. Of course unless it has something to do with child abuse or something that they need to tell your parents.

Also, saying that you expect your parents to pay for things, to me is saying that you are entitled to them. My parents have paid for things for me, but I never expected them to pay anything. I always knew they had the right to say no and that I was lucky that they were paying. Also, I never paid my parents rent but I haven't lived at home much since 2003 and like user name I've paid for pretty much everything since I was 16 and started working. I even paid for two of my three clarinets and the two cars I've had as well as my car insurance and my cell phone. My parents have helped me out when I was stuck, but I tried very hard not to get into a situation where I would need my parents help. That's part of being and adult, is being independent.

[user_name]

Oh and I agree with fakesmile about the expecting your parents to pay for certain things kind of saying you are entitled to them. I can understand where you are coming from but to expect it to happen is a little...I don't know, I can't grab at the word I am looking for. Anything I have gotten from my parents I have been grateful for. Even if it was something they paid for week in, week out (which didn't really happen). If it stopped being paid I would have been grateful for the time it was paid and made my own arrangements to sor it out from then.

Er, wtf? I come on, and everything i have said has been twisted. How urksome.

Firstly - i didn't say it was *mandatory* to get a job when you turn 16, i said you should NOT expect parents to support you if they aren't able to, and you are able to get a part time job for luxuries. I recommend you going back and actually reading what i've said.

Secondly, a massive majority of RYL is made up of people from the UK, hence my "16 equals young adult" comment, because that is exactly what they're considered in this day and age. I'm not going to sit and bloody give out this long haul explanation of all "young adult" ages of every single part of the world. And as the OP lives in the UK, it made it worth while to go by the UK age. Thankyou.

Secondly, ~invisable~girl~, if you bothered to read back on my comments you will know that i stated mental health issues play a part in what limits people can do. I am currently recieving Incapacity Benefit because i suffer mental health problems, and i can't even leave the house let alone get a job!
I have every right to generalise my answer, because it's a generalised question. I'm not going to answer from a mental health point of view just because it's a mental health website. I am talking generally when people don't suffer MH problems i see NO excuse not to be in work at some point from the age of 16+ to earn some pocket money for ones self for luxuries. I think it's absolutely terrible people rely so heavily on their parents when you're physically/mentally/emotionally able to get up and get a small job.

People don't actually realise how f*cking lucky they are when it comes to parents supporting them, because many people don't have that opportunity, and THAT is what urks me, that people simply expect to be given it on a plate.
And i completely agree with the silver spoon comment. Many young adults of any age are extremely spoilt and don't even realise it.

So, as i said above, if you actually bothered to get off your high horse and read what i'd written throughout the thread, you wouldn't have jumped to unnecessary conclusions with a massive rant that wasn't even needed.

[~invisible~girl~]

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Originally Posted by Acrasia

Secondly, a massive majority of RYL is made up of people from the UK, hence my "16 equals young adult" comment, because that is exactly what they're considered in this day and age. I'm not going to sit and bloody give out this long haul explanation of all "young adult" ages of every single part of the world. And as the OP lives in the UK, it made it worth while to go by the UK age. Thankyou.

Well you could have avoided that problem if you'd simply said "people in the UK" instead of "everyone on this website," but instead you explicitly stated that your comment applies to all RYL members. To be honest, I find it quite hurtful when people come on here and refuse to acknowledge that a significant portion of RYLers are not from the UK. It makes me feel I'm not welcome here. And I'd be interested to know what you consider a "massive majority," and where you've found the relevant statistic, because I do not think it's actually the case that the overwhelming majority of RYL members are from the UK.

[~invisible~girl~]

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Originally Posted by Acrasia

So, as i said above, if you actually bothered to get off your high horse and read what i'd written throughout the thread, you wouldn't have jumped to unnecessary conclusions with a massive rant that wasn't even needed.

Sorry, next time I'll search through all five pages of this thread and take careful notes on everything you've said before thinking I understand anything you say. I actually have been following the thread since it started, and have read all the posts, but since I really don't have the patience to reread the entire thread every time I post something, I do sometimes have to interpret posts based on what the post actually says and as I don't always remember everything a given member has ever posted.

And you have repeatedly said "there's no excuse for not having a part-time job," with no mention whatsoever of mental health issues being an exception to that, and what I quoted about people who aren't working being lazy again made no mention of mental health (only that you are out of work due to being "ill," which could just as easily have meant physical illness, which was how I interpreted it). So even when I did go back and look at your most recent posts, it actually made no difference to how I would interpret your comments, other than that you've just said I was wrong. So maybe rather than accusing people of not reading your posts, you should make sure that you've actually said everything you meant to when you post.

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Originally Posted by IamJamesGreens

~invisible~girl~ please stick to the topic and not start striking matches.

Think you'll find you're making a mountain out of a god damn molehill.
If you want the statistics for where people live, go ask on general and make a poll, i'm pretty sure you'll find the majority of RYL is made up of UK members. How the hell is that offensive? Jesus, you do go on don't you? I don't do guilt tripping, it's not my style, so i think you're barking up the wrong tree when it comes to trying to "put me in my place", because i've done nothing wrong for you to put me in my place.
As far as i'm concerned, 16 year olds are considered young adults all around the world, whether by law or not. You're at the age of consent, you're considered a YOUNG adult.

Secondly:

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~invisible~girl~

Sorry, next time I'll search through all five pages of this thread and take careful notes on everything you've said before thinking I understand anything you say. I actually have been following the thread since it started, and have read all the posts, but since I really don't have the patience to reread the entire thread every time I post something, I do sometimes have to interpret posts based on what the post actually says and as I don't always remember everything a given member has ever posted.

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Originally Posted by Acrasia

And Rike - Glad i didn't insult you, i was worried i had but it wasn't meant in that way!
I can understand when it comes to mental health problems that some people still have to rely on there parents, because i'm in the same position myself at the moment. However, many young teens nowadays don't realise how truely lucky they are, and that is what annoys me - the selfish spoilt attitude rubs me up the wrong way.heh.

If you haven't the patience to bother to read back, don't bother coming into a debate forum and misread everything members say. I find it hilarious that you're the only one out of everyone who has commented on this thread to, apparently, "misinterpret" what i've said. Come off it.
I have explained perfectly well what i've meant. If you aren't going to bother to ASK what i meant if you misunderstood something, and merely jump on your high horse on the attack unnecessarily, that is not my problem.

If you're so dead set against peoples opinions when it comes to paying rent to parents who have supported you your whole life, why are you getting on the defense? After all, in your eyes, there's nothing to defend, therefor, why are you?

[Zeitgeist]

Guys, while there may be strong feelings on this topic, it seems, let's keep things in perspective. It's a discussion on a website, and there's no need to turn this into a fight - it's generally advisable not to perceive others' posts as a personal attack unless they're specifically saying so.

I guess the general opinion so far is that paying your parents money for rent is not a bad thing, but depends on circumstances?

I agree, though, that the silver spoon-thing is not the same as being supported by parents. There were a lot of spoiled brats at my old school, and while - as I said before - I never paid my parents rent and I'm still receiving financial support from them, I don't consider myself one of them. It's a question of attitude and also just how that financial support is done, methinks.

I was rather enjoying this debate Rike until someone misinterpreted everything i've stated. I'm sure many other members wouldn't be spoken to like that, or accept there quotes to be misused unnecessarily.
I'm certainly not starting a fight, but i do not appreciate what i say to be interpreted into something it isn't.

And i agree with you in regards to the attitude side of things. It's the mere acceptance of it without asking if they want any financial help that bugs me. It's as if some people expect to be supported for the rest of their lives.

[Zeitgeist]

Well, there are still other people following this debate to talk to, I think - although most of them are probably doing the sensible thing on a saturday and are sleeping in ;) Then again, it'd be a boring debate if we all just agreed on everything. I know you weren't trying to pick a fight, I'd just hate for this debate to end up in personal attacks. It seems so unnecessary.

I know it's easy to feel defensive when it seems a lot of people are supporting a different point of view. But at the end of the day, as long as you're comfortable with how you live, there's no need to let comments from strangers upset you so much. Speaking as a general "you", I might add, as the defensiveness is certainly not limited to one person on here.

As far as the age thing is concerned, and I know I'm getting a bit off-topic - I'm not from the UK either, though things are similar here I think. By law, yes, a 16 year old is still a minor. But I understood it to be meant in a more general way - I don't think anyone here expects 16 year olds to get a full-time job (I'd quite prefer them to finish their education), but they're certainly old enough to take on some responsibility and learn necessary life skills. Budgeting and getting jobs - part time, on weekends, whatever - may well be part of it, and I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that no matter what country that teenager is in.

[IamJamesGreens]

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Originally Posted by Acrasia

Think you'll find you're making a mountain out of a god damn molehill.

Actually I've stuck remarkably on topic without going on the _ _ _ _ _ _ _ side issue that she bought up.

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Originally Posted by Zeitgeist

as I said before - I never paid my parents rent and I'm still receiving financial support from them, I don't consider myself one of them. It's a question of attitude and also just how that financial support is done, methinks.

Sorry but I disagree. Those who don't pay back, however little from employment/jobs (which I repeat are different) are using there parents as a silver spoon. A parents natural generosity to help raise there child is different from support.


Its like Kevin & Perry versus William & Harry.

No no, i wasn't quoting you then replying, i quoted you to make ~invisable~girl~ realise that it's not just me who thinks she's striking matches/starting arguements.

Sorry for the confusion there. :)

[~invisible~girl~]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acrasia

As far as i'm concerned, 16 year olds are considered young adults all around the world, whether by law or not. You're at the age of consent, you're considered a YOUNG adult.

They're not though -- that's the point. In the US, 16-year-olds are not considered young adults, by law or by custom, and I'm pretty sure the US is part of the world. And what's this about the age of consent? That's definitely not a universal constant by any means -- it's not even always constant within individual legal systems (as in, there are places where it depends partner's age, the specific act, marital status, and the even person's gender) let alone between different countries.

And btw, I actually already did make a poll in general about where people is from, but only because it's something I've been wondering about for a while and this reminded me of it, not because I'm trying to prove anything with it or anything.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acrasia

If you haven't the patience to bother to read back, don't bother coming into a debate forum and misread everything members say. I find it hilarious that you're the only one out of everyone who has commented on this thread to, apparently, "misinterpret" what i've said. Come off it.

So I missed one line that in a different post than I was responding to and I therefore don't deserve to post here? Look, I'm sorry for going off on you, but having missed that one line in a different post, what you said came across as implying that I'm lazy for not being able to deal with a job on top of my coursework, and since I was already feeling like crap that I can't even handle my coursework, it kind of hit a nerve (and yes, I know it wasn't personal, but saying something like "a group of people of which I'm a member" was too confusing -- that's what I meant though).

[~invisible~girl~]

Great, I'm glad to know there's some agreement that I should leave this thread.

[Zeitgeist]

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Originally Posted by IamJamesGreens

Actually I've stuck remarkably on topic without going on the _ _ _ _ _ _ _ side issue that she bought up.



Sorry but I disagree. Those who don't pay back, however little from employment/jobs (which I repeat are different) are using there parents as a silver spoon. A parents natural generosity to help raise there child is different from support.


Its like Kevin & Perry versus William & Harry.

One of these days I'd be interested just what word you're leaving out in your posts. And I don't get the last reference, tbh - like I said, not from the UK.

How do you mean jobs and employment are different?

To each their own - I know compared to some of my peers I'm privileged. But to me, using parents would be to simply expect them to pay for my stuff. It'd be accepting their money without thought about the consequences for them, it'd be the selfish attitude of "I'm entitled to all of this".
That, however, is not the case at least for me, so I regard the whole thing in shades of grey rather than black and white. I wouldn't take money from my parents if they couldn't afford it, and I know they wouldn't hesitate to let me know if the situation as it is had to change.

So to clarify my above ramble - silver spoon, I think, would be if I kicked up a fuss if my parents didn't hand over the money. Receiving financial support in general, though, can well be sorted out, and I don't feel guilty for it as long as I don't just sit back and relax and let dear mum and daddy deal with everything.

[[Purple_Rain]]

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Quote:

Originally Posted by [Purple_Rain]
Thats not forceing them to take money off you, thats you refuseing to take money of them. BIG difference.


I suppose you're right there. However I'm now confused how your parents would be forced to take money away from yourself?<!-- / message -->

because, incase you've forgotten, you tried to tell us that you didnt have to let your parents let you live rent free. but if you cant force them to take money off you, you have no choice.

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Thus asking for justification earning a wage whilst at university.

Not paying your parents rent will not make someone go 'oh, thats mean i dotn need to get a job'. Payign your parents rent will nto make someone think 'oh god i have to get a job now' and if you read down the paragraph, i said during th eholidays. Thats the disadvantage you have of taking people's words out of context liek you do.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by [Purple_Rain]
you have no right to change what I said like that.


I was changing incorrect opinion to fact.

Oppinion can't BE incorect, as its your oppinion. Also, it is not fact. I will be able to get myself through three years of uni on the money I currently have, and not leave with a single penny of debt. Therefore, your 'fact' is wrong. Now, lets get this thread back on topic as its about payign rent not how much you hate universities.

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I was only correcting what you said.

does that mean i can trawl through all your posts, and change anny oppinion I dont agree with? no.

[Animad]

Firstly, I just want to say not all courses give you enough time to get a job. I can't. I am on a course where we have a different timetable every week and many days are 9-5 or 8-5. Then in the evenings to keep up we have to look over everything we've done over that day. Yeah, some people work forthe college but then they're only allowed to do one eve a week in the college bar or 3 3hr shifts a week doing something else and this is term time only. In the holidays I'm actually out on placement, kind of doing a full time job. I can and have worked 13hr days and this is part of our course and therefore only is paid VERY occasionally. So yeah, I can't get a job. The only time I can are the 5 weeks I am guaranteed off college a year, 2 of those are easter, the other 2, xmas and then one somewhere in the summer... we can't therefore really get a job. Final year we can be called out at any time. I'm not saying not every student can get a job but some courses don't really allow it.

When I was doing my A-Levels I was working all holidays for work experience to get on the course where I am now. This was all voluntary. I also worked all day saturday (and have done since I was 13) and 2 evenings a week. This was all voluntary. I got £40 a week off my parents. That was it and it only went up to £40 from £20 because my mum saw my timetable and saw how much work I was doing and realised it wasn't possible forme to get a job. Out of that £40, £24 a week went on driving lessons. Out of the other £16 I had to pay my bus fares to college, buy all my stuff for college, clothes and buy lunches for 6 days a week. AND I managed to save up for uni and have everything I needed. It IS possible.

I took some time out of uni due to health problems and instead of going on incapacity benefit which my doctors wanted to sign me off on because I wasn't fit enough to get a job I went on JSA and got looking for jobs. I paid my parents rent all the time I was on JSA; 1/3 of the money I got. I could only get a part time job because of my health and so when I go that myparents got a 1/3 of that. Then we decided that that would make up about equal to my deposit for my new house. I agreed as paying my deposit would work out to be slightly more than paying rent to them and then a couple of days later I lost my job. Mum was going to give me the money back but what did I do, I said well I'll still pay for that and I put up with it. I basically paid the rent I would've done if I had a job for about 8 weeks when I didn't have one but I felt it necessary.

I'm at uni and whilst they pay my rent I am planning on giving them at least some of it back when I get a job when I qualify even though my dad is against this as I won't be earning highly and they have enough. I pay all my bills, all my food and all my transport fees. I also still do this when I'm at home apart from they pay for some of my food. I offer to pay them £25 a week which would cover all my food etc but they won't let me because they want me to save it when I'm at uni.

I think it is only fair, once you've got a job, whether part time or full time, to give the people you live with money as rent unless for some reason they don't accept it.

And, yes, you don't have to spent £10 a week on phone. I spent that a month on my phone at 6th form, actually less than that and it was always topped up and I kept in touch with everyone, it is possible.