Triggering (SI/OD) - *Triggering* Confussed and alone...

[deviantobsession]

I feel so confussed right now, And it feels like everyones leaving me to deal with it on my own.

Im trying to be best friends with my ex but its been rather emotional since we have been in contact. His turned my world into a confussing little thing... and i feel messed up all over again.

I dont even think anyones standing by me anymore... they say they are and they act like they are, but... My best friend has been distant with me, whether she realises it or not. She never really listens to me properly anymore, she doesnt talk PROPERLY... its always "yes, Yeahh... Hmm... Uhuh?"

I never get a proper response anymore... and i know it hurts her to talk to me about it... But she always says on and on how much she wants me to tell her about it and how she wants to be there, and when i let her know whats going on she doesnt like it.

My parents are... **** knows... i dont even have a clue anymore one day happy the next day... meh!

My friends at school aren't very helpful right now, im not in the greatest spirits with myself and they make me feel a bit out-casted at times...

I just dont know who to talk to anymore...

If i have anyone to talk to anymore...

I cant even eat properly right now.

All i have wanted to do is SI, and i have hurt myself rather bad. I feel like i have let myself down. All i want to do is fall asleep and never wake up...

Because i dont have the strength to keep putting on a smile... and i dont have the strength to talk to people when it feels like they couldnt care about me anymore.

My best friend doesnt even notice if im upset or somethings wrong anymore... She just accepts the lie that im ok...

I just dont see the point anymore.

[Schleier von Dunst]

I'm sorry, I don't really have any words of support for you right now, as I'm not in such a great place myself, but I wanted to let you know I read your post, and I know exactly how you feel. *huggles*

[fuzzy_sweets]

Deviantobsession - Im sorry that you are going through all this hun, know that you aint alone! People sometimes dont know how to deal with SH so they remain silent, and it can seem that they dont care at times. But theyr'e just scared. Don't give up hope hun!

You may find the following thread useful.

http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...uicide+package

[deviantobsession]

thanks for your reply angel...

I just give up

I feel so issolated and people are only hearing what they wanna hear... and its killing me...

I cant control my emotions and im loosing everyone and part of me has given up caring tbh...

I just wanna leave this place leave the people and start again... but thats kind of hard for a 17 yr old lol

I just dont want to be who i am anymore...

I never feel good enough
I feel like i cant speak my mind
and i just dont want to be this person now...

I loose everyone or say how i feel and they dont like it

I just give up i really do

[Fuse]

Oh Angel,
I'm so sorry that you are going through this again. There is nothing worse than feeling that you haven't got the support of the people who love you.

Things with your ex are always going to be confusing. There is so much emotion and time between the two of you that it is going to take a lot of hard work on both sides to make it work. But it seem snow that both of you are on the same page, or at least working towards the same thing. If its what you really want then fight for it.

With your best friend, I don't really know what to say. I am positve that she doesnt mean to get the impression that she is distant with you. Maybe just wanting to give you space to talk it out? To be there without shoving an opinion down your throat. Im sure she'd be mortified to think you felt like that, and would do anything to change it.

Your parents always seem to have a very rollercoaster kind of relationsip. And I know I have only seen some of that for myself. But my heart goes out to you.

Hang in there honey. You are trying so hard with college, and people do love you and want to see you succeed.

Please look after your SI and your eating. If not for yoruself, then just to prove everyone else wrong.

Regardless of what you may think, I am always here for you.

Alex