Dear Mum
There’s something that I have never told you and I don’t know if this is the right time to share it but here goes. I love you and I hope that at the end of this you still love me. I also want you to remember that I am still me and also that I am and adult and I want you to respect what I have to say.
This isn’t easy to share this with you and I don’t expect you to understand where I am coming from, but I do hope that you will be able to accept it, although it make take some getting used to. It all started after my granda died. Everyone was upset but everyone had someone to lean on, Gordy was away and it was the following easter that you and my dad started to argue. I didn’t know what to do and after the summer holidays that year I began self harming. That was 6 years ago and I’m still battling this. I’m sorry. Please do not get upset and please do not try and find my tools. This is my way of coping when things go wrong and I’m not defending it or saying that its right, but it is my way and it’s the only way I know. Gut reaction might tell u to take things off me, but this will only make things worse. Trust me. This is my problem and I have to deal with things in my way and I ask you to stand by me. I know you might still see me as your little girl, but I’m an adult and although this may not make sense to you it does to me. I know I need to stop sometime but I’m not ready. Please don’t try to make me stop, only I can make that decision and right now I don’t think I am capable of that. I have tried to keep this hidden however I’m fed up of hiding who I am. This is part of me. Some people smoke, some drink, I cut. It makes me feel better. When everything gets on top of me, it feels like I’m drowning and cant breathe, but cutting helps me breathe again. Ignore stereotypes. I don’t want to die, I’m not going to do serious damage. This might not be comforting but trust me when I say I know what I’m doing. I know how to keep cuts clean and how to dress them. I know this is a lot for you to take in right now but I would rather you read this than find out when you walk in on me. Don’t ask me to go see a doctor. I have and it didn’t help so I will go again when I’m ready. Andrew knows and he helps as best he can- so I’m not asking you to do anything. All I want is for you to accept that this is how I deal with things, this is who I am and not to ask if you see scars. I don’t want to hide them anymore but I don’t want questions either. Between my friends and people that I talk to online I have a great support network- I hope you can understand that it’s easier for me to talk to them about these things rather than my family. My online friends are all going through or have been through the same battle and we support each other to get better. I hope that you still love me and don’t see me any different. The best way that you can help is by not asking about scars, not judging me and let me fight this for myself. I don’t want to be ashamed of this anymore, I know its not socially acceptable but a lot of people have hurt me over the past 6 years and by turning that into physical pain and putting a plaster over it, I begin to feel better. I know that one day I can beat this but I cant say when that will be. I hope that you aren't ashamed of me.
I dont know whether to send this or what i should change. Any ideas?
Yeh i agree..its hard cause since i went to uni when i was 17 i've basically done what i wanted but i know this is probably gonna make her be stricter for the next while, and i know its cos she cares. I'll let you know how things go!
xx
Wow you're a very brave person and should most definitely give the letter to your mom, she may not accept all you have put down but i am sure she will in time, she will ask questions and she will ask to see the scars, this i am certain of, but talk to her, help her see it from your perspective and i'm sure things will run alot smoother, well done ^_^ and the best of luck x
I think it's a great letter. I agree that your Mum will probably act just as you don't want her to to begin with, but in time she will start to understand.
If you think it worthwhile you could always show her this site, once she's ready to understand and wants to know more, there is some great info for those supporting self harmers on this site. I know I showed it to a friend when I told her about my problems and she really appreciated being able to understand more. She also spoke to a few people on here too so she could understand where I was coming from.
Anyway, I hope all goes well for you giving the letter to your Mum.
Liz
Thanks for all the replies guys, its much appreciated! I have saved the lettter on my computer so that i can send it when i'm ready. I've decided to wait a bit cos she's meant to be going on a bit of a 'make or break' holiday with my dad for a few days and i dont want to have an influence over the decisions that get made. Basically she'll get the significance of the arguments 6 years ago (its when rumours of my dad having an affair started), and things getting worse (cos it got found out a month ago he has been). They've decided to give it agoand i think those few days will confirm to her what she wants to do. I dont want to give her the letter before and she decides to eitehr let him stay just cause she doesnt want to deal with it herself, or make him leave because she'll see it as his 'fault' that i do this.
I realli dont want to cloud her judgement cos realli its a 34 year relationship and it has to be their choice on what happens, i dont want to give the letter then she makes a rash decision and resents me for it a few years down the line, if that make sense
Thats a brilliant letter and shows a lot of courage. I wish I'd had the guts to write something like that for my parents. You've been very honest and I hope that she takes it well.
xx
you sould give it to her. you will feel much relieved if you do. trust me, i have been through the same thing. when i do a deep cut, i know that i have my mom who knows that i do it, to take me to the hospital or something like that. otherwise i wouldn't know what to do. however, it has some drawbacks, but the advantages are more, so give it a try.
good luck.
My RYL family:
I-used-to-be-positive is my big sister razorxkissedxwrists is my mommy alyssa.star is my sister phoenixflames_forever is my cousin concreteangel, helpmydeath, xxbeckyxx and queer fringe are my little sisters bob--says--hi is my twin
Great letter, and although it is obviously up to you whether you send it or not I'll just say that I wish I had done something like this before my mum found out. It was a really difficult time.
"How can I stand here
how can I stand here before you
Take what I have, take these broken remains"
I give you props for even thinking of giving this to her it takes a lot. I think that you should give it to her and hopefully she will see were you are coming from.Good luck and if you need anything remember the people at ryl are always here to help and feel free to pm me anytime if you need anything.
The greatest accomplishment in life is in not NEVER FALLING but in RISING AGAIN after you fall ~Vince Lombardi~
Wow thanks for all the replies, this means so much to me and i'm so grateful that you have taken the time to read my letter and comment on it. I'm not going to give her the letter right away, but i hope that when i am ready that i can...i'll let you all know how it goes.
The letter is great! Trust me it is far kinder than the way my family found out. My mum has been a nightmare since. If I'd been able to head it off in such a mature way (yeah, 26 and still not mature ) I have no doubt that it would be much easier than it is right now.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
we are the fallen
we are the wounded
we are the shattered
we are the unheard
we are the brave
we are the strong we are Survivors. and..... we are the future
we fallen can still rise by the wings of hope that lifts us~
I think you've got the right idea about waiting until she has made a decision on the problems with your Dad.
I also think that this is a really great idea - when parents find out for by catching a glimpse of a scar or cut, for example, they more often than not jump to conclusions and won't give you a chance to explain. This way, you've provided her with explanations, and let her know what you expect of her, and tried to help her understand. It should make the whole thing much easier. Are you going to give it to her in person?
yeah that's a really good idea. you're probably right in waiting, but i do think it'll help if you give it to her. let us know how it all goes when she does get it.
Think if I do it i'll need to give her it in person. But think i'll do it when my boyfriends there because he knows i do it and on the one hand it will be moral support for me but also for my mum, he can reassure her on anything cause he's seen the scars and knows how to handle it. Also i'm not very good at talking about things like this so if i clam up at least he'll be able to speak for me. I know she'll want to talk to me on my own but at first i dont think it would do either of us any good.
) I have no doubt that it would be much easier than it is right now.
