Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
I hate you...
everytime I'm having a bad day things just pile up
why were you there
why bother following me saying stuff
why are you so pathetic
I hate you...
"Alot of people will walk in and out of your life,
but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart"
I can't try any harder. If you doubt me then stop playing with my heart! Yea this person who doesn't care always has himself on standby when asleep i keep some of me aware of that noise my phone will make if you need me and text me yea this person who apparently doesn't care sits up crying when your suffering cause he cares so much he can't bare to see you sad. well fuck off then and leave me the fuck alone if you're gonna play with me!
I know your struggling right now, if not more than ever, but please, please hold on. If not for yourself, then for me. Its only 7 weeks till we see each other. I cant say this in a text, or in an email, or on the phone, so I'll say it here. You know how much I love you, how much I care, and Im sorry Im being a shit friend to you. I dont know what else to say, as just the thought of losing you has made me cry. Please keep going. I know its selfish but please keep going. For me.
We’ve got obsessions
I want to erase every nasty thought that bugs me every day of every week
We’ve got obsessions
You never tell me what it is that makes you strong and what it is that makes you weak.
I know.I know I'm not worth attention,people caring about how I feel like I'm drowning,I'm fucking drowning,i know I really don't deserve anyone even being around me.I know you don't really care.
I know i annoy you, I know i annoy everyone.
I know if i carry on like this, something bad will happen, either now or later.
I know I'm the only one that can give me the slap in the face i need.
I know i'm wallowing in needless self-pity.
I know i need to try, just fucking try.
I know you hate me.
But thats ok.Because i understand.
At the moment i feel like dying.
But that might me a relief. Then i wouldn't be around to hate,or dislike or whatever.And then I'd be happy.
I tried to cease the whirlwind in my head today.And i couldn't.You can't help me.
But...
I know we're not that close anymore and we give all these different excuses. Your busy at work, i'm busy at uni, we can't meet on so-in-so because something came up. The excuses could go on forever. The truth is neither of us like each other much anymore. Since i met A at uni and realised what a good friend really is everything you do pisses me off. I feel like your embarrassed by me and i shouldn't have to feel like that. ever. Truth is you do make me feel bad about myself and i don't want to anymore.
Most of all i can't stand your lies. One after the other after the other. The way you treat your friends. Everytime you get a new lad we all get pushed away until your single again. The other day you were so near my house and didn't even stop to say hello even though we hadn't seen or spoken to each other in a while.
I'm not just blaming you. I don't help but thats the problem. I'm beginning to really not care. Sometimes i can't image my life with out you and other times i wonder if it would really matter.
I feel so stupid, pathetic, useless and just... gah. I don't know what to say to you, other than I'm sorry. I shouldn't hide what is going on with me, but when I can't figure out how to put it into words it is so hard to tell you.
I don't want to die, I want to keep living & keep fighting.
