wanting it when you dont really need it

[EMH]

Things arent as bad as they used to be, I dont feel down constantly, and have been able to have periods of time without having it in my head pressing on me all the time.
But in these times I dont feel me. The depression has been here so long it feels like that is me now, when its not there it feels like im floating, not connected to the world at all, watching everything distantly. Im finding myself wanting to cut just to being myself back down again, to a level I understand. Why do I want to do this when my brain has managed to pull itself up for a while

[lilmissjay]

Hey! I went through the same thing about two years ago when I stopped cutting. Personally, I believe that we feel depressed and harm for so long that we just get used to those feelings. The downfall is that it can take a bit longer than we would like for us to be able to get to a point where we don't feel the need to hurt ourselves when we don't feel 100%. Perhaps trying different forms of distractions or even picking up a new hobby could help a bit?

I really hope I made at least a little bit of sense and I also wanted to let you know that you definitely are not alone in this. Take care and stay safe :)

[Starla]

I can relate. I go through periods of just longing for sh. I think that it just shows that it is an addiction. When you have been doing something for so long it truly becomes a habit. It's hard to break habits. Good luck. Focus on how far you have come rather than how much you want it.

[PassedExpectations]

i went through a phase similar to this too, not so much with cutting, but with my ocd. it had been so bad, so omnipresent, that i had started to see it as part of my personality. and when i finally was able to fight it and start living normally again, i felt like i didn't know who i was without it. it helped me to think of it like it had been covering me up, not actually an integral part of who i am. i could then think of life without ocd as peeling back the layers that had restricted me until the real me, what was underneath, could grow again. this was much more helpful than feeling like i had lost half of myself..

[alltimelove23]

This happened to me too, and it took a long time before I wasn't even thinking about doing it anymore. You really just have to try to remind yourself of all the things in your life that are going well and keeping you stable, and trying hard to distract yourself whenever the thought or urge arises. It may be hard, but you'll feel much better if you manage to distract yourself, and after a while you won't think about it at all anymore. x