So I don't need to regret any more hours that could have been better spent out of A+E
Because now I'm self employed if I do myself too much damage and need to take time off work = letting clients down + no income = potentially losing clients through being unreliable
-Because its too expensive these days.
-Because there's only so many times you can tell people the scars are from having sex with a porcupine.
-Because making a hole in your skin, no matter what you tell yourself, will not get rid of the hole in your heart.
Because you don't want to spend more time in hospital, your Nephew needs you to be okay so you can see him grow up and to laugh and smile and see him grow, if you go too far, you won't be able to, because you kitty needs you, your hamster needs you, your Grandad would be devastated again especially if he needs to pick you up and he finds out you've done it again, you don't want to upset him, the annoyance of infections and antibiotics, the urge will eventually ease, it has to, you just have to wait for it to...
Because you don't want to bottle up your feelings like that again. You actually want to let people be there for you and form proper, trusting relationships with them.
Why I shouldn't stop:
It makes me feel better.
It gives me scars I feel I deserve.
It serves as a way of punishing myself.
I like how the scars are always there as a reminder of how crap I am.
Why I should stop:
So that I can feel comfortable talking about my scars as if they're "in the past" rather than stumbling and muttering unintelligably trying to explain it, or making up some excuse without confidence.
I don't deserve scars or cuts or pain or to be punished, however much I think I do. Nobody does and I need to remind myself of this.
I want to stop hurting people and causing unnecessary worry.
I feel disgusted when looking at my scars and feel incredible remorse.
So that I can confidently answer people when they ask "what happened" to my scarred body.
So it looks like the pros outweigh the cons when it comes to stopping!
~ Instruction does much, but encouragement does everything ~
-To stop hurting those around me
-To feel emotions I haven't felt in years
-To remember the good times
-To actually smile!
You're better than this. Breathe in. Breathe out. It'll be okay. I promise. Just don't forget to smile :)
The funny thing is,
nobody really ever knows how much
anybody is hurting.
We could be standing next to somebody,
who is completely broken,
and we wouldn't even know.
Because I know if I do it again, it will be worse than last time, and I can't risk any/any more permanent damage and I will have to go to A&E again, and it's a waste of hospitals time and money. But probably my main incentive in that sense is I cannot deal with the f*cking pain of having numerous injections straight in it again! >.<
Also I will have to tell my parents, and I'll have to hear my mums worry and despair on the phone again, as she sits 200 miles away knowing she can't do a thing.
And I'll have to start from day 1 again.
Edit: After seeing someone elses post about itching, that is also definitely an incentive. Itching to the point where I'm bleeding, and having to make up excuses as why I have my hands up/down my clothing in public itching like a mad woman.
