To know you can survie(sp sorry!) without it
Not have to worry about cuts bleeding on clothing To stop hurting friends To know I managed to achieve something which means something To be able to say 'I used to self harm'
I don't need any more scars
So you can wear shorts, skirts, short sleeves and swinsuits.
So you don't have to have any more scars.
So you don't have to see worry and dissapointment in the eyes of those close to you when they find out you cut again.
So you can be happy.
So you can have something to be proud about, instead of worrying.
Also jobs are easier if you dont have to find somewhere that lets you wear long sleeves instead of the job you love to do
to stop hurting everyone around me
- to actually feel something thats not this
- so that one day maybe i'll get through a day without thinking about hurting myself...that wouldbe nice
- to stop adding scars to my body
- to keep out of the hospital, im sick of needing stitches, and im sick of the 'oh its laura again' looks
- so that one day i can be 'ok' and be proud that i survived this, and be stronger because of it, knowing i got myself out of this deep dark hellish hole
- to accomplish something
I scream for the sunlight, or a car to take me anywhere, just get me past this Dead and Eternal snow.
And if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere, just take me there, and lie to me and tell me it’s gonna be Alright.
- Conor Oberst
I know that I should be trying to stop, but I keep digging myself deeper into this hellish hole.:[
--So I can be a better role model for my younger sister and cousins.
--So I can make my life better than my parents' lives, which are horrid.
--'Cuz even though I feel like that isn't true, I don't deserve this, I deserve much, much better.
--So I can help other people.
--So I don't miss more school next year (I was inpatient twice during the last quarter of the year, for self-injury and suicidal ideation and had to get stitches twice).
--So I don't have to worry about getting in trouble for being out of class, in the bathroom SIing, anymore.
--So I can wear shorts, mini skirts, tank tops, short sleeved T-shirts, and whatever else I want, when I want to.
--So I don't have to continue lying to my mom, trying to get her to think that I've stopped, when I haven't.
All is understood too late.
Last Suicide Attempt: Sunday, September 30th, 2007 (my dirty little secret).
--So i dont feel like i've let people down again
--So i dont have to put others through seeing me so bad
--because i want to be a 'sucsess' story
--I dont want to be the girl who didnt recover, who let it take her, consume her and was never able to take that huge leap of faith without it.
--most importantly, in 11 months i want to say to the people that have been there for me "thank you, you saved my life"
[and when i get a cat, i want it to have a good reputation!] the cats reutation thing made me smile =]
~*~Sometimes we put up walls, not to keep people out - but to see who cares enough to break them down ~*~
To the people who have continually broken down my walls, thank you, you are real friends who i will never forget. xxx
-To stop hurting everyone around me.
-To know what its like to live a real life, with real feelings. Feelings that arent hidden, or masked by this.
-To wear short sleeves again. I REALLY miss them. :(
-For all those days I've missed, days on the beach with friends and family, days when it was too damn hot to go anywhere in long sleeves. So I don't have to miss them again.
-So I can look back and think "I made it, I survived the darkest time of my life"
-So I can be proud of myself.
This thread hasn't been used in a while, but I found it and I looove it.
-To prove to people that I have control of my life, NOT my blades.
-Because someday people are going to realize my cat is declawed.
-Because I don't even have a rosebush.
-Because that isn't who I want to be.
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. - Charles A. Beard
In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.
First of all, I say we sticky this thread because it's amazing!!
Secondly, I love the cat's reputation one!
Here are mine:
--To stop having to think of excuses (because I don't own a cat)
--To no longer have to tell those who are closest to me the awful truth
--To be able to see a pair of scissors, box cutter, etc. and not want to cut
--To eventually become a therapist and be able to tell my patients that I was in there situation and made it out
--To no longer have to see the pain in the eyes of those who care about me
--To no longer have to hide in shame
--To know I made it out
--To be able to thank those who have saved my life and actually be through it all
--To FINALLY stop feeling like a total failure when I mess up!!
--To eventually become a therapist and be able to tell my patients that I was in there situation and made it out
Ditto. You can't be a therapist and go home at night and cut.
-So my parents don't have to ask to see my arms every time I cry
-So that I can get more of those "Thank god you didn't cut" hugs.
-So that I'm not "the cutter" at school.
-So that when I swim in the ocean my arms don't burn.
-So that I can say "I'm better"
-So that I can feel happy about my wrists, not jealous about others.
-So that when people say something about suicide I don't feel that it's directed towards me.
And I like the restoring the cats reputation one. I've actually said "My cat's evil, I don't get why she does that!", and then my friend meets my cuddly cat and is like wtf?
Longest Recovery: 6 months Last Cut: Saturday February 23, 2008 Current ED Status: Throwing up
"I cut to focus when my brain is racing. I cut to make physical what I feel inside.I cut to see blood because I like it. I don't like to cut, but I can't give it up"
