Support worker going away

[lozza]

I know she wouldn't leave unless she really had to but my support worker has to go interstate for half a week. I'm freaking out. I know I have the skills and stuff to get through and she will still call me and we will still have contact but it's just not the same you know?

She is my main support and I can't get onto my psychiatrist as she doesn't do out of hrs contact and only works 2 days a week - I don't see her till next thurs (31st march) and that's when I see my support worker, she gets back on Weds so I see her after I see my psychiatrist on the thurs.

I just feel, scared and lonely I guess too? My support worker is like the only face to face contact I have several times a week. I live alone along with my 5 cats (3 of mine and 2 long term fosters).

Just freaking out just a 'tad' and trying my best not to go down hill or have a crisis like I usually do when she goes away.. I don't know I just feel safer knowing she's near by.. stupid I know!

[Auror.]

is there a way to reframe it? like it is a good time where you can use the things you work on with her to make sure you take care of yourself as best you can, so she can be proud of you when she comes back?

are there things you can plan for the times she would normally come? like can you plan nice things for those times so you aren't just sitting thinking about her being gone?

can you ask for a scheduled check in or two via phone or email etc while she is gone?

[lozza]

She is still going to call on the days we usually see each other so she will call tomorrow and then sometime on Wednesday. I don't know just at a low point right now and I can't see my psychiatrist until 12th april now (i was meant to see her this week but forgot I had my car insurance to pay) everything is just f**ed and I'm struggling to keep it together. Right now I just don't want to be alive at all.

I am trying the best I can with allowing myself to take my PRN meds which isn't always easy and I spent the afternoon just colouring.. but I still screwed up in the end and relapsed with sh.

Aren't I just going great! First drinking, now sh. I just want to give up so bad but trying to keep going for all my cats.

[Auror.]

It sounds like you're doing great if you're allowing yourself to take PRN and color! I think you're being pretty hard on yourself. It's okay to acknowledge that you did some really positive things too.

[lozza]

Thank you for your reply. I'm trying.

My support worker is back now but is really sick so still not able to see her. I hope it's just a bad cold and not covid!!

She has been calling but I just can't seem to talk on the phone. When she called yesterday it was a silent awkward call and just horrible. She called today and I couldn't even bring my to answer.

I just don't want to be here anymore. Distractions aren't helping like they did, sh is worsening, I'm only hanging on by a thread thanks to all my cats. Without them I'm pretty sure I wouldve checked out for good in life weeks ago..

I just don't see the point anymore.

[lozza]

And she does have covid and now I'm terrified as she's so unwell with it and what if she doesn't make it and am struggling so much and I need her and I know I can reach out to her still but I feel like I shouldn't cuz shes not well and yeh.. sorry.. im just a mess right now

[Auror.]

Oh no! I'm sorry she's ill and of course you are worried about her. I hope she gets better quickly and that it is not too serious. I'm glad you have your cats. What other support do you have?

[lozza]

Hey.

Ummmm my gp but not on speaking grounds with her atm (long story I'd rather not get into) and my pdoc who doesn't do out of hrs support...

My support workers iso ends tomorrow so will hopefully see her on Friday but im so ashamed as sh is completely out of control right now that I don't want to see anyone

[Auror.]

I hope you've been able to talk to someone and get support if you need it.