So, I just moved into a new apartment and am now living all alone. I was so, so excited to do this and at 26 it felt long overdue to move out of my parent's house and get a place of my own (I did live with roommates for awhile before moving back home for a couple of years).
The plan was for me to take my cat and one of our family's dogs along to live with me. I moved on Friday, the cat and dog came on Saturday. Saturday night was hell. The dog was okay, except that he'd cry whenever I left. The cat cried all. night. long. Loud, loud cries. To the point that I was concerned he'd disturb the neighbors. I eventually took both home and the plan is for me to settle in for a week or two and then decide what to do pet-wise.
The apartments seem pretty well sound-proofed, but every now and then I'll hear someone coughing or walking upstairs. Which is fine, except that it makes ME super paranoid that I'm making noises that are bothering others. I was watching TV and stepped into the hall and could hear it - so now I feel like I can't do that, though I don't hear anyone else's TVs. It also makes me super paranoid about pet noise.
I like living near things, except that as I was moving into town all of my friends were moving out. I don't have a boyfriend, and my super low self esteem makes it hard for me to put myself out there at all.
I miss the country. I miss my dogs - especially my crazy dog that I can't bring to town as he couldn't handle it.
I miss my parents, even though they're only about 20 minutes away. And now I'm having all kinds of awful feelings about how I miss them so much and how they're eventually going to die and I'm going to be all alone.
Alone is a good word for it - I just feel very alone in the world.
I also had such amazing dreams - I'm working on my master's degree and was planning on moving farther away. Now I feel like I can't even do that. I feel as though I have no real chance at a future because my home is my family farm and it always will be. How am I supposed to leave that behind?
To top it all off, my dad is having a really hard time at his job and is going this weekend to interview for a different job in the Tetons. Part of me really wants him to do well because I know it would make me happy, but part of me is really scared they'll move far away and/or sell the farm.
And here I am, thinking I've got to live life and make it my own, but I'm so damn scared. Scared and tired and so sad and low.
This is just kind of a rant, I'm not really sure what I'm looking for. Comfort, maybe? Words of advice? Just a pat on the back?
I think your worries are very normal. It's difficult when you move home, especially when you've gone from living with people and pets to being on your own. It takes time to settle but it's worth it if you think you can do it. Any change is bound to bring about conflicting feelings and issues that you maybe didn't even think about before you moved. Growing up is hard, and can feel lonely at times.
When I moved house with my family when we had a cat the cat would not settle and eventually went back to our old house. My current cats were a bit wary when I moved again but now the house is basically ruled by them. Animals don't understand what is going on so of course they will be afraid but having some familiar objects and offering reassurance can help. If your cat won't settle would you consider getting another one? I know that it can feel very lonely living alone and pets can help a bit with feeling less on your own.
I know what you mean about worrying about making noise. As long as you're not making 'unreasonable' noise like having very loud parties or something I'm sure your neighbours won't have a problem with it. They'll be used to the every day noises that travel into their home from other neighbours. Maybe you could bring it up with your neighbours if you feel confident enough.
Could you try looking into what groups and things may be of interest to you in your new area? I know it's anxiety provoking meeting new people but if you were doing something that was a common interest between you and the other people it might be a bit easier.
Do you feel able to talk to your parents about your worries and the things you've been thinking about with regards to missing them etc?
I hope everything works out for you, give it time and don't give up on your dreams. This is the first step.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I have a friend who would like to move closer, so that would be nice if she could actually do that.
I am definitely planning on getting a cat - we have some others that are at home, but I may end up adopting one. It'd be nice to get one that has been fostered and be able to talk about how they adapted to new surroundings as well as living indoors. I also really want to try to bring a different dog - one of the ones we have at home. She may adapt easier, and she's more "my dog" than the other one so may be more comforting in that regard. We'll see.
I guess it's just a massive transition - I feel alone and frankly scared. I'm on the cusp of the rest of my life, really, and I don't know what that's going to be like.
I also started using a dating app which is a BIG deal for me because I so don't put myself out there. Like, at all. I'm trying to talk to a couple of people on it but I'm not very good at it and it is making me feel quite vulnerable.
No worries about the ramble Camden - I'm a rambler too!
My mom wants me to take her cat instead. She's nice and quiet - my cat always has been on the noisy side.
It's a good idea to bring my dog for short periods of time. I think she'll be fine with me there, it's leaving her alone that's hard. But we could work up to that.
I'm starting to get comfy I think. It's not so much the new location as being all on own and having my life ahead of me. And whatever may come. I'm actually watching Monk right now and he just said "I'm afraid of change...and I'm afraid of not changing". That really rang true.
I've been talking to a couple of guys on the dating app and it's fine but I'm just so bad at all of this. I'm not at all confident and am...uh...inexperienced. I'm just now beginning to have any kind of positive self esteem and so I feel really far behind in this area, which sucks too.
She's not unfortunately, but she's usually pretty good. I think with time she'll be okay, but we will definitely take it slow.
I used to watch Monk a lot when I was younger, so it's kind of a comfort show to me. One of my psych professors hated it because he believed it made fun of OCD, but I do think it really shows the pain of it well. There are lots of shows where characters just like things clean and it's funny because they're "OCD" but Monk is really sad despite occasionally doing funny things. If that makes sense.
I would absolutely love that link! That quote is amazing, I'd love to read more.
My brother actually bought several of the seasons on DVD, so I brought them with me. I also brought Psych, which we used to watch at the same time. Both really great shows.
Your fears are completely normal. I think everyone has all of these fears when they first move out and get their own place. First thing first breathe, you've taken a huge step and you've got to just breathe and take it one thing at a time.
For the pet situation have you tried maybe bringing something they like, that way everything isn't completely new. Like maybe a bed they sleep on, a toy or something with a familiar scent to it.
For the sound thing, most neighbors will tell you if you are being to loud. As long as you aren't blasting music or banging on stuff you should be okay. Promise.
I know you are lonely but maybe you can find stuff around your area to do? I would check local sites or even go to the library, they normally have events or things that are going on.
Try calling your parents when you can or maybe even have a weekly lunch or dinner. You said they are only 20 mins away and that doesn't sound so bad for a weekly meet up. I really hope your dad gets the job and if he does then you can talk to him about the farm, I'm sure there is someway to keep it in the family or something.
Just breathe and I know things will work out, if you ever need to talk or ramble I'm here.
I'm feeling very...blech today. I have a friend who may be moving to town and was looking at this great two bedroom apartment and I really wish I could be her roommate. I'd have roomed with her but she wasn't previously sure what she was planning on doing.
I was even trying to figure out how to move in with her of all things, subleasing my apartment and all that. UGH. That just seems like false hope, something I often do to myself - because I don't know how to even start that conversation with my friend without feeling like a failure, let alone my family.
I set up an appointment for therapy next Friday, as I feel just overwhelmed and like I'm shutting down. It's like I'm stuck in mud - I have a million things to do but I can't get myself to do any of them. I just want to run away and hide.
Adjusting to living by yourself away from friends and family is hard. But it gets better. It's good to get out of your place and explore the surrounding area, helps it feel more like home.
As for sound, there's a bit of an unwritten rule to just be respectful. There's a difference between light noise pollution and keeping people awake at night. My personal rule is between 10pm and 8am I don't blast things and keep the volume at a respectful level, but I'm not going to feel like a prisoner in my own place afraid to make a peep. Also noise is two ways. If I can't hear their TV then they most likely can't hear mine.
Adjusting to living by yourself away from friends and family is hard. But it gets better. It's good to get out of your place and explore the surrounding area, helps it feel more like home.
As for sound, there's a bit of an unwritten rule to just be respectful. There's a difference between light noise pollution and keeping people awake at night. My personal rule is between 10pm and 8am I don't blast things and keep the volume at a respectful level, but I'm not going to feel like a prisoner in my own place afraid to make a peep. Also noise is two ways. If I can't hear their TV then they most likely can't hear mine.
Thanks - I'm very conscious of what I can and cannot hear from neighbors, but it's odd. For example, I came home last night and could hear my neighbor's TV from the hall, but not from my apartment, so I assumed that my TV was probably fine even if I could hear it in the hall. But then this morning when I woke up I could hear people laughing downstairs.
I dunno, this may be a feeling that passes, but I just have this awful sinking thought that I've made a mistake.
I think the absolute scariest thing right now is that I have an older gas stove in there and it kind of smells like gas...and I'm not sure if it's supposed to? I am so, so scared of a fire, not so much from my standpoint, but if I brought my pets in and I was gone when a fire started I would never, ever forgive myself if something happened to them.
