Well I'm sorry.

[Steel Maiden]

I am s*** at communicating in the right way. I try but it often comes out wrong.

So I have decided not to ask questions like "why do people do X?" because people misinterpret me.

I will only ask such questions on the autism website I'm a member of, not here.

I apologise for pissing people off and I won't be asking questions like that here again.

[Heidi Tiger]

Please don't stop asking questions because of one person's opinion. Personally I find your questions fascinating as they give insight into just how different life is for someone with autism. If people don't like the questions, they're not compelled to answer them!

[Steel Maiden]

Thanks, that has changed my mind.


I will ask questions.

But how do I ask them in the appropriate manner?

[Heidi Tiger]

I don't think there was anything wrong with your last question. But maybe you could separate the question and your opinion by putting them in different paragraphs. That way the question itself is free from value judgements.

[Steel Maiden]

Ok that makes sense. Thanks for the tip.

[The One Who]

As Heidi has said, it is not the questions themselves, but how they are framed.

They come across as incredibly judgemental, for example "melanoma-inducing beach". There was no need for that, as it instantly frames the question in a negative way. You have already inferred that you dislike the beach and therefore the replies are going to be more defensive because the question isn't neutral.

[sherlock holmes]

I dont think you should stop asking questions, because asking questions is how you learn.

But maybe you could start off by saying "I have some communication difficulties, so I apologise if my question is offensive to people..."

Or as others have suggested, try to separate your opinion from the question.

And bear in mind when you ask questions that there is not ONE 'right' opinion- different people feel differently about things, and have different emotions, which isn't bad or wrong if it doesn't match up with your own view point, even if you think you have more knowledge or understanding.

[Patch.]

Hi oly, I personally have no issues with the questions you ask and I hope that you feel able to keep asking them. Like others have said, asking questions is important because it helps us to learn things.
I don't have autism, however I do understand how difficult understanding people and social interaction can be at times.

Some questions can be quite emotive - an example of an emotive question was the one about abortion. It is perfectly fine to ask these questions too, but it might help to prepare yourself for more emotive answers, if that makes sense?

[Faulty item]

I find your questions refreshing , you ask them with an approach without the fear of causing offence which i know doesnt sound right. But i find it extremely clear and precise.

[Steel Maiden]

Thanks all for the good advice - I will put it into practice. I am very willing to learn, as I want to function in this world.

[Buttons.]

Please don't stop asking, I think it highlights interesting issues when you do.

[not_so_insig]

Like others have said I dont think you should stop asking questions Oly, in fact I like the questions you ask! Other people have good points.

[ajrocks]

I would never be bothered by a question you ask even when it's to do with something that I find upsetting because I know you have autism (most people on here do know you have too.) and I know you are asking questions purely for knowledge and understanding and I think the answers often help you but it also helps us too-to see how difficult it can be to understand certain emotions etc.
My son has mild asperger's and I have mild adhd so things can also be difficult for us in different ways and sometimes I really can't understand certain things too but you know what they say-knowledge is power!
I think you should ask as many questions as you like if it helps you and if people don't want to answer because it's too triggering or something then they don't have too

[effervescence]

Quote:

Originally Posted by The One Who

As Heidi has said, it is not the questions themselves, but how they are framed.

They come across as incredibly judgemental, for example "melanoma-inducing beach". There was no need for that, as it instantly frames the question in a negative way. You have already inferred that you dislike the beach and therefore the replies are going to be more defensive because the question isn't neutral.

I agree with this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sherlock holmes

And bear in mind when you ask questions that there is not ONE 'right' opinion- different people feel differently about things, and have different emotions, which isn't bad or wrong if it doesn't match up with your own view point, even if you think you have more knowledge or understanding.

And this, particularly the bit in bold. You often come across as quite superior, and that puts people on the defensive because we, as in people generally, don't like people acting as if you know more than us. For example, the melanoma-inducing beach comment used before. We all know that any sun exposure has the potential to cause melanoma. However, there are many different factors in our lives that means a few hours in the sun are a nice thing which outweigh that risk. Stress at work or in our private lives, or a job in an office where we never see the sun, are some examples. Therefore, we have made the decision to enjoy the beach and when you make comments like that, it sounds like you are criticising our decision, which sounds rude.

[Leo Pard]

I like your questions and try to answer as best I can.
I think people need to keep in mind that you might ask something in a way that they perceive as rude, but thats only because of with your autism, so they should just leave it and not get offended by it.
I don't think it's you that needs to change, people just need to be less finikity about things.

[Steel Maiden]

Thanks.

I now understand that I need to rephrase my questions.

I do not intend to be rude to anyone. Although I do know that in the past I have really upset people by being rude without meaning it.

For example, this happened when I was at school:
There was a girl who was crying in front of her friends about something and they were comforting her. I said "what's wrong?" and she said "my boyfriend just dumped me and I don't know why". I replied with "perhaps he dumped you because he didn't like you".
This girl then got really angry with me. At the time I couldn't see anything wrong with what I said; boyfriends generally dump girlfriends if they don't get along, so that was the logical answer to why he dumped her. I went to my Dad when I got home and I asked him what I did wrong. He said that the girl may have been very emotional at the time and that she wouldn't be able to use the logic that I see things through, that she just wants to be comforted: he said I should have replied with "I'm so sorry to hear that" or something similar.

I spent a year filling a binder with Social Protocol rules that I had formulated from observations at school. Unfortunately my Mum threw it away because she said it was "absolute s**t" (my Mum has always been ashamed of me being different).

What I mean is, that every time I make a mistake, I learn. From this thread, I have learned how to phrase questions. I won't become perfect at it, but I will be more appropriate.

I like it when people help me.

[ajrocks]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flem Fatale

I like your questions and try to answer as best I can.
I think people need to keep in mind that you might ask something in a way that they perceive as rude, but thats only because of with your autism, so they should just leave it and not get offended by it.
I don't think it's you that needs to change, people just need to be less finikity about things.

^ This I strongly agree with,couldn't have put it better myself

I admire that you try really hard to phrase things in an appropriate way and to understand society etc despite your difficulties but I also think that it should also be vice versa to be honest and people should try to understand that you are coming from a different view point and that it is not your fault at all.
My friend lindsay who I used to know she was autistic too and she would just come out with whatever was in her head no matter how rude it came across and to be honest she made me laugh so much (in a good way) because quite often it would only be something everyone else was thinking but wouldn't say anyway! and everyone else who knew her wouldn't take offense because they knew it wasn't meant maliciously at all.
So really try not to change too much-you are you and that's all, everyone is different it'd be boring if we were all the same! Keep up the good work
Take care

[sherlock holmes]

I'm glad you like to learn Oly, that's really good, I like to help :)

[Cryptic.]

Oly, I think it is really incredible that you want to learn so much and it's admirable, especially considering your difficulties, it's really great to see you so determined to understand things you find hard to comprehend/understand.

I agree with what above said though.

"I think people need to keep in mind that you might ask something in a way that they perceive as rude, but thats only because of with your autism, so they should just leave it and not get offended by it.

I don't think it's you that needs to change, people just need to be less finikity about things."

People should by now be aware that you do have Autism, it's even in your signature, so I think others who may be offended by your questions or phrasing, should keep in mind that it is not intended offense or intentional upset/aggro, it simply is just you being you, no intentions of anything whatsoever negative.

People may jump down my throat for saying the above,
but to be honest, people need to be more compassionate for other peoples difficulties,
this is supposed to be a support forum,
it's supposed to be understanding towards others problems,
so why should someone with Autism
[yes, it may not be the most "common" disorder on a mental health site but I know a lot of people on here with Aspergers/Autism]
be criticized because of how they've phrased something or the questions/threads they post
when it honestly it just Oly trying to understand things better and learn things more about life?

Oly is simply just trying to understand things in life that she finds difficult, I think it's to be admired that she does this,
not to get down on her for it or critize her because of something so small as how it is phrased or the questions she posts or whatever.

Oly, you keep posting whatever you want, as many questions and threads as you please, it's a very positive and good thing to do,
don't let anyone make you feel otherwise.

[I hope this doesn't come across as belittling you or talking down at you or anything for your difficulties either Oly, not my intention at all!.]
x

[Leo Pard]

Exactly. Glad I could help a bit. :]