Triggering (SI) - Hospital admission *UPDATE*

[loopylucy08]

Just 2 fill all u lovely people in who replied 2 my hosp admission post. So I read through all yr posts and I thought long and hard about things and Ive seen my team a few more times. I want 2 say thank u again 2 every1 who replied- the wealth of response was truly humbling- and also 2 those of u who PMed me.

On Tuesday I saw my GP and shes really cool. I have the longest relationship with her so she probably has the most trust from me and by this stage she'd recieved the letter from the psychiatrist who saw me as an emergency last week. She thought it was a bit useless and said she was going to ring the consultant because she said that she had more expertise than the guy that saw me! Shes away next week :( but she said she'll try and speak 2 him and c wot he says b4 she next sees me.

A couple of days back, I was seriously thinking of holding back my uni application and job interview and stuff because Im just exhausted and going IP 4 a bit, in the hope that it can give me a shove in the right direction and basically because part of me thinks I really need a break and Im gunu end up doing somethg bad if I dont. My social worker put me under so much pressure last Friday, I really didnt think I'd have a choice. But the pressures been off a bit this week. Ive done some bad stuff- but I havent exactly told them and I am trying at least 2 ther faces 2 appear like things arent so bad. I saw my friend whos IP on Monday and that gave me a boost- I realised just how much Ive been missing her but also that I really dont want 2 end up in hosp. So Ive decided 2 hold out 4 a bit longer. 2b honest going in2 hospital I think will just make me worse 4 the time being because I dont want them 2 make me eat and I dont want them 2 stop me self harming. I dont want 2 b kept safe basically and I can c me going in informally but ending up under a section 4 refusing 2 cooperate.

Im still under a lot of scrutiny and next week is gunu be a big test because Im going 2b on my own a lot- mum, my brother and sister all return 2 sch/work, which means Im goin 2 b left on my own. It'll b interestin 2c how I cope. I still feel Im not out of the "hospital option" zone in their eyes, so Im tryin 2 b guarded about things so that they dont watch me as much. Thanks once again 4 all the replies. Will just av 2c how things go 4 nxt week.

[x-dying-inside-x]

hospital is not as bad people think.
i spent four months in one this year an at the time i hated it but its worked out to be the best thing fo me.
at first they just see what you are finding hard then they help you as much as they can.
they try to help you stop self harming they dont make you stop but yu cant have baldes and things in hospital but if you do self harm they help you and talk to you about it after.
at the end of day they are only there to help you.
if you feel its not right for you right now thn thats upto you but remember its never to late to ask if you feel you need it.
if you want to chat pm me at anytime.
xxxxxxxx

[Snow White.]

Hey darling :)

It's good to hear you feel a bit more settled with the decision that you've come to, in your own mind. The actual choice of "hospital vs not hospital" can be really difficult and produce a lot of anxiety, so hopefully that definition in your mind has made you feel a bit more relaxed with some things, even if only slightly.

Look after yourself, and remember that we are here for you to help you through the times ahead, too. If you sense there's a time where you might be at danger, take pro-active steps and put some things in place for yourself that will make getting through it easier - if you need suggestions, just ask us :)

Keep up the good work, keep talking to people.
Best Wishes,
Aimee xoxox