Triggering (SI/ED) - She see's it as a competition. *Possible Trigger For OD*
So yeah. Theres this girl I know. I wouldn't call her my friend. But she was once my friend. But thats a different story. But me and her still talk now and she knows about my self harm and my troubles with eating (I wouldn't say i have an ED though) But she treats it all like its a competition on who's the most mentaly messed up. No joke, she only started self-harming once she found out I did. And she'd get her cuts/scars out for the whole world to see whenever she felt like it. Fair enough I do sometimes now but only when Im around people who know and I know wont ask questions. And thats after over a year of self harm. She had been doing it roughly a month (She said) and she'd take her jumper off ect very often as if to say "Look at me!! I cut myself Im worse than you" And to be quite honest its doing my head in. She 'claimed' to have been bullied. I say 'claimed' because when she found out I'd been bullied thats when she decided that she had. And now she's found out that Ive wanted to OD on several occasions she's like "Oh yeah I got my stomached pumped for an OD a whole ago" Okay, you dont add that in to a casual convasation. It wouldn't be something I'd personaly want people to know. And now the other day we were just talking and I said "My mate thinks I have an ED but I dont think so." Cause we were having a convasation about mental issues (Dont ask. Its all she seems to wanna talk about) And she was like "Oh yeah my mates think Im bulemic." Its like really frustrating. And personaly I have a very competitive nature. Competitions are fun in my veiw. But this is one competition I want to stay out of. Wouldn't it be better if it was a competition on who was recovering more? >.< Its just really frustrating. Its like she thinks her problems are worse than mine. And she always has to be one worse than me. I self harm so she does. I wanted to OD, she had OD'd. My mate thinks Im Anorexic, her mate thinks shes Bulemic. Oh yeah I forgot to say this one... Ive thought I may be Bipolar for a while now. And guess what!! She's been diagnosed with Bipolar. She only started seeing a shrink once she knew I was seeing one!!
Sorry about the rant.
Just really frustrated right now.
When I say i have a competitive nature I dont mean that I turn everything into a competition. Just when someone trys to compete against me I cant help but like compete back.. get me?
ok now thats just a little bit on the strange side of things
why would you want to be the one worse of with those kind of situations
i wouldnt wish it upon anybody to have to deal with any of the tihngs you have - so why on earth would you want to have them
thats just
well its just too wwierd in my head
maybe its time to cut her free of your life so you dont have that kind of unhealthy relationship
and also im abit like you when it comes to competition but i wouldnt want any of the things you mentioned to be the competition - it's nearly ssick to do that
((hugs))
The Soul Would Have No Rainbows If The Eyes Had Shed No Tears
[Laurel Burch]
Believe in yourself and your dreams. For when you do. You can achieve anything!
I know. Its doing my head in. I like want out of this competition. She can wreck her life for a stupid competition if she wants but Im not. Its doing my head in.
I suppose I can.
Its not like me and her are friends anymore. I think i'll stop talking to her. I mean its all she ever talks about tbh. Self hard.. suicide... eating disorders... Sometimes it can be very triggering. Yeah Im just not gunna talk to her at all.
I don't know this person, but my thoughts on what you described is that this person is struggling with some identity issues. It seems like they may have been made to feel very unimportant most of their life and they don't feel as though positive achievements can get them the amount of attention they crave. This sounds like a classic cry-out for attention.... people who have real illnesses such as ED, SI, bipolar and depression, etc.. from my experience generally keep these things hidden and don't seek attention from it. It's really personal, it's not a game or a fad or a social norm.
Your friend obviously has some problems, and doesn't seem to know how to get it out other than mimic your problems.
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
I [had] a friend like this who was very very similar - so similar it's scary! The relationship became detrimental for us both and we've since gone our separate ways. If the only thing between the two of you is a negative connection about mental illness then your friendship is essentially going to be pretty unhealthy for you both.
Can you discuss with her the fact you feel your connection is harmful & only related to mental health issues? Tell her you want to recover and unless she can support you it's not going to work out. In all honesty unless you expect a major behavioural change from this person, end it. I don't deny they have their problems but if you can't work together to get better and support each other it's only going to hurt you both.
You obviously fall into the competitiveness aswell and that's understandable, also, it's going to hurt you both because with a competition one person is always going to have "less" issues - what you're both struggling through is important. But does not need to be compared.
Basically; look after yourself, do what is best for your health and I wish you all the best xxx
I have a friend like this, it very hard to tell sometimes if she is really struggling or just copy-cating.
I've had depression since I was 7 or 8 and after having told her this she self-diagnoses that she has depression.
Whenever I have a low point she has to have something going worse so she can shout at me.
When I first started showing ED behaviour she copied, saying it was a relapse, but she never had an ED to begin with. When I got sicker and sicker and ended up needing therapy she stopped mentioning it. I didn't really know what to do at the time, I'd either eat nothing or eat everything and throw up but she'd eat a tiny bit less than normal (and she normally eats a lot) but didn't go to throw up. (I'd figured she was telling the truth about the ED and was BN but if this was a relapse it was one without any syptoms.) When I started to get better se dropped it entirely, she doesn't get how I can have 'bad days' and find it hard to eat.
The worse bit for me is the SI. Whenever I slipped up with my SI there had to be something worse for her. Eventually she started to show OCD behaviour (which I do believe is real) she saw a doctor who told her she didn't have OCD, she was normal. However during my lowest point and eventually my suicide attempt she was fine, then when I told her she started to make fun of it and wouldn't talk to me. Then expects my sympathy a week later. It's just a bit sucky.
She said her Dad told her to 'wash her hands as much as she wanted' during our GCSE period. This upset me for two main reasons.
1. You have to fight this sort of stuff everyday, it's not something you can choose.
2. Jealousy. I couldn't SI or stop eating 'as much as I wanted' so I didn't understand why she could.
Sorry, this has been a horrid self obessed rant! Oh well, even if she is suffering she still makes me feel a bit rubbish when she uses my ED to uninvite me from things.
I suppose I can.
Its not like me and her are friends anymore. I think i'll stop talking to her. I mean its all she ever talks about tbh. Self hard.. suicide... eating disorders... Sometimes it can be very triggering. Yeah Im just not gunna talk to her at all.
good luck ^^
The Soul Would Have No Rainbows If The Eyes Had Shed No Tears
[Laurel Burch]
Believe in yourself and your dreams. For when you do. You can achieve anything!
Yeah thanks everyone.
Im just not gunna talk to her no more. I was just thinking about all the things she copyed me with other than mental illnesses. Like I started to wair coloured skinny jeans... then she did. I started to wair my belt so it was loose around my ass... then she did. I started wairing tutu's when I felt like it.. so did she. :/ Shes copyed me in several ways and its doing my head in. But like I said im just not gunna talk to her no more.
