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a positive step :) however -> *contains a little vague SH reference*
So, moving forward :)
It's not that easy at times, there's slip ups, and set backs and urges that are hard to ignore... but it CAN be done.
I had a really hard time of it last night and today... I just found out one of my biggest support figures is pretty two faced and seems to have the frame of mind that I am a burden, a pain in her ass... and honestly doesn't seem remotely proud of me at all, even when I reminded her how long it had been since I last SH.
Today, I was working away, I was printing, cutting paper and laminating and then cutting the laminate... I had a craft knife/box cutter in my hand and I was feeling pretty damn miserable and depressed about my supporter being false...
and then it happened... I got the usual urges, the usual needs, all these things I hadn't thought about or experienced in so long... and I wanted to do it.
But, I didn't. I'm 6 years without incident and I told myself I didn't come 6 years to give it all up now.
I wanted to share this today, because I know a lot of us have days and urges that we find so hard to ignore... believe me, today was not easy to resist - I could be more detailed, but I'm not sure it belongs here, so I'm not going to be.
Recovery is possible, it can be done. You just have to tell that little voice that tells you to hurt yourself that you don't want to do it anymore.
SH is, to me, an addiction... like any other addiction, it can be kicked, but like any other addiction, give the addict a bad enough day and the familiar associated feelings of giving into the addiction will come back. Why let the addiction control you? Life CAN be made better without hurting ourselves. and honestly how many of us can say we feel that much better after a slip up? I don't know about all of you, but I do know that if I had given in tonight... I wouldn't be feeling very good about myself right now and I would have just entered into the unending cycle of feeling bad and giving into my addiction to fix it... when my addiction fixes nothing...
In the face of a negative, the best response is a positive... make like the Andrex puppy :D find something that makes you happy and run with it!
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