Hello Iphie,
Firstly I would like to say how sorry I am for your losses, I myself had to deal with 3 family losses in the first 12 weeks of 2008 so I have much sympathy for your situation.
At this point words probably don't mean a lot to you but I will try and put a little spark of light and hope in there anyway.
The fact that you have come to a forum and opened up about this whole situation makes you a very strong person. Taking the first step is the hardest part.
I don't know how your ex-husband died but I would think that you probably had a few mutual friends, talking to them about how you feel may help with the grieving process and also occupy your mind. The last thing you want to think is that August will be a bad month next year, as hard as it seems, you need to put next August 2009 as far out of your mind as possible.
About the anger - this is very natural, you will start to see how thing could have and should have been and from this you do start to get frustrated and then angry but it's all part of that thing they call the grief process.
If you need to shout - Shout!
If you need to cry - Cry!
If you want to ask me or tell me anything, or if you just want someone to listen to you, just start typing. I don't have all the answers and everyone deals with this type of pain in their own way - but I am a good listener and will always make time to try and help if I can.
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