A/B FAQ: When I was little other kids and I touched each other. Was this sexual abuse?
 

Maybe, and maybe not. Children CAN sexually abuse other children. Age does not matter, intent and what occurred is what counts. Many people who have experienced a sexually abusive experience with someone close to their age doubt that it was abusive. They feel like they should have been able to stop it because the other child did not pose as much of a threat as an adult. Remember that sexual abuse is often about mind control, and physical size or strength is irrelevant. Along with these fears, many people are disbelieved if they tell others they were sexually abused by another child. Many adults brush off child-to-child sexual abuse as simply curiosity. Since the other child is often a family member or close family friend, this also exacerbates the disbelief reaction.

Childhood curiosity IS commonplace and normal, but it widely differs from sexual abuse. The difference depends on the ages of the children, what went on, and each one’s willingness to do whatever it is you were doing. All young children are curious about their sexuality and what other children look like. They wonder why boys and girls look different, and if children of the same sex look exactly like they do. It is common for children (siblings, cousins, friends, schoolmates) to disrobe, touch each other, kiss, etc. If this went on, and you and the other child(ren) were comfortable, and close in age then it was probably just curiosity. If it was just curiosity then it probably causes you no personal distress, aside from some slight shame that you did something wrong. If you are trying to figure out what happened to you was, consider these:
-were you or any other children involved frightened?
-were you or any other children involved in pain?
-did you or any other children involved ask for it to stop, and it continued?
-were you or any others were threatened with harm if you told anyone what went on?
-was there was a large age gap between the children (ex: 11 yr old and 5 yr old)
If you can answer yes to any of these, it is likely what went on was sexual abuse.

In cases where you were sexually abused by a child, you should seek out at much as anyone who was abused as an adult. Do not think that what happened to you is less serious because of the age of your abuser.

In cases where you believe yourself to be the abuser, you should seek out help as well, especially if you were abused by someone before this. Many children who have been sexually abused by adults will reenact that abuse with other children. This behavior occurs because the children are trying to process what happened to them, regain some sense of control, or they simply believe it to be normal behavior. If you engaged in abusive behavior as a young child that does not mean you will be an abuser now, or that you are a bad person. There might be ways to get help for the person you abused when you were young now that you understand what happened.

Thank you so much for this.
x

Umm when I was little I touched my little brothers willy lol, because I didn't know what a willy felt like! This was definitely curiosity right? It wasn't meant in a controlling way at all. I think I was 6 and my brother was 2, or even younger!

That sounds like curiosity shoes, as you said you just wanted to know what it felt like.

I don't want to make a thread about this seperately, but my childminder had a daughter my age and she used to make me do all sorts of stuff. It was probably just curiosity on her part, but I didn't like it, or at least felt very awkward about it, and used to try and avoid going upstairs except my childminder would tell me off for wanting to stay downstairs and say I had to go and "play" with this girl. I know the girl did this with our other friends too, and none of us liked it, but all of us felt we were "made" to do it. But obviously I got it the most because her mother was my childminder so I was there nearly every day. I was about 9 probably.

But I didn't ask for it to stop, or tell anyone and I used to get a feeling like I needed to wee which means part of me must have enjoyed it. And I don't remember her telling me to keep it secret, though I have fuzzy memories that she might have threatened to tell people it was my idea if I ever fell out with her.

I feel like a freak for even worrying about this, and I had forgotten it for years. I'm probably over reacting.

That sounds like abuse to me. Even if you didn't directly say no I'm sure she knew you didn't like it. You're not overreacting. *hugs gently* And receiving any physical pleasure doesn't mean you enjoyed it, it just means your body reacted as its programmed to. (see this thread for that http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...d.php?t=152582)

You're not a freak, and you deserve support for what she did to you. *hugs more*

*Mentions what happened*

When I was five, the nine-year old boy down the street kept telling me to kiss his willy, otherwise I couldn't go down his slide. I didn't want to do it but I didn't know how to say no. He wanted to kiss my parts too, but I was able to say no to that. He kept begging me not to tell anyone. I don't feel angry, I just feel sad about the whole situation. I don't know if it was abuse or not, but the whole tone of it was just so... sad. For some reason I feel sadder for him than for me.

Maybe he was being abused too. Even so, it doesn't make him doing that to you okay. Did that happen a lot or was it a one time thing?

i told someone when i was 7 because i thought it was normal and she hit and told me not to tell anyone because *i think she said* they wouldnt understand, theyd think i was weird.

Kathryn sweetheart, you're not weird and you did nothing wrong. Who had you told?

some girl in my school because i thought it was normal and that other children were experiencing it too, i think i was asking what she thought about it and i cant remember what she said but my cousin flipped and she told me that theyd think i was weird and that i was initiating everything that happened.

Most children that young tell/act it out with others because they think it's normal. You're not weird, and we know you didn't initiate it. It's not your fault she hurt you. *snuggles gently*

can siblings abuse each other? i asked my therapist and she said no.

I don't know what kind of stupid therapist you have, but siblings definitely can abuse each others. There's all sorts of books and things written about it. There's even a thread on this board for it. *hugs* And you can tell us if you want.

http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...d.php?t=134600

i never tried to act it out because i think on some level i knew it was wrong but i told some other kid, i cant remember exactly what i said but i remember her looking at me really blankly. guess that shouldve been an inkling that something was wrong.

when i was 9 my brother made me touch him, i didnt want to but he hit me untill i did

That sure sounds like abuse to me Jazmine. *hugs gently* Want to tell us anymore?

I'm sorry your therapist said it's not abuse. it definitely sounds like abuse and i'm sorry you had to go through that.

my therapist told me it wasnt abuse too because of the age difference being only 6 months.

Okay, I don't like to throw my weight around on something like this, but I just hate it when people **** others up by telling them incorrect things. To those who don't know, I AM in the mental health field (yea, such a surprise) and I have been dealing with sex abuse victims for years. It does NOT matter if the person who hurt you is only a little bit older than you, the same age, or even a teeny younger than you. If they hurt your body, mind, spirit with sex then they abused you. On top of that, it doesn't matter if a person who abused you was in your family, female, your "friend", boyfriend/girlfriend, mentally ill, physically sick, drunk/high, or more. It still counts as abuse. NEVER let anyone else, be the "professional" or not tell you that what you experienced wasn't true YOU are the expert on you, and if it's hurting that bad you deserve and need help for it. If someone you're seeing to help says it wasn't "real" abuse, go to someone else who understands it was. Don't waste your time on people who won't help.