Triggering (SI) - Admitting to Parents / being questioned

xADAMx · 30-10-2008, 02:46 PM

Need people's opinions and thoughts on this really - I don't know what to do.

Went round to my Mum's last night for a couple of hours to have some food and play on the new Wii she bought and when she dropped me back home, she kept asking me if I was okay and started saying about being worried about me. She said she could tell that I was in a bit of a rut and that I needed to do something to get myself out of it, that she just thought of me sat around feeling depressed all the time and that if I carry on as I am, I won't be able to get myself out of it.

I nearly broke down and told her about my SI, but I didn't; I wouldn't know how to even start explaining it. She might know anyway? My sister knows and I'm worried she might have told her.

Have people told their parents / do your parents know? How did they react?

From what she said, it sounds like she might know and it really worries me. She did see my arm once when I was about 17 and basically had a go at me about it - is she likely to do that again? She said also that she will do whatever she can to help me, which makes it sound like she knows. I hate having people constantly worrying about me but I don't know what to do. I'm staying at her house tonight and tomorrow night and I guess it's worrying me that she will confront me about it.

So what should I do? Deny it? Pretend everything is okay. How did people's parents react when they found out?

This is stupidly long and a bit confusing.. sorry :(

Silver Phoenix · 30-10-2008, 03:40 PM

Hey,

Both my parents know about my SH and depression. Both have witnessed me at my lowest points as well.

My mum foud out a couple of years after it started and was really good about it. She was upset and would constantly worry but over time she knew that her worrying more wasn't going to help or change the situation. She's is the one that took my to the docs to get help and counselling and always took me to my appointments.

It was harder telling my dad as I wasn't living with him or seeing him regularly so he was completely unaware of the situation. My mum offered to tell him but given then don't talk (only shout) I thought it would be best coming from me. In the end I wrote him a letter as best I could (it was the hardest letter I've ever written) explaining that I SH and told him why etc. I sent it to him just before I was going to see him so I knew he would have it by the time I got there. We spoke about it briefly and whenever we spoke on the phone he would ask how things were but that was it really until I lived with him and we have more indepth conversations about it.

I've been really lucky in the fact that both my parents have supported me and done there upmost to help me. I know not everyone has that.

Ultimately you can't judge the response your going to get. It might be a case of biting the bullet and talking to your mum about it.

Maybe tell her first of all that yes you are feeling down and depressed and judge from her reaction how well she'd take if she knew about your SH. It does sound like she's worried about you. She possibly had a go at you when you were 17 as she was shocked and didn't know how to react. My brother will still have a go at me about my SH but that's because he doesn't know whatelse to say and has admitted he doesn't really understand it.

If you did want to tell you mum maybe you could write her a letter explaining things then say you can both sit down and talk about it when you see her next??

Let me know what you decide to do and either way I hope things go well for you.

Take care xx

p.s sorry it's such a long reply! But be happy I cut it short!!! :)

Tomorrowwillcome · 30-10-2008, 03:42 PM

I have a teenager and if I were to discover he was self harming my first reaction would I think be shock and anger, angry because I would hate to think of the damage he was doing physically. I think I would then feel guilty for my failings that had led him to this but most of all, I would want to help him. I know this is a bit off point but If your mother genuinely wants to help and you can trust her having that help on board must surely be a benifit. I would like to think my children could talk to me and would feel honoured if they did.

Wonderland. · 30-10-2008, 04:32 PM

I think if she confronts you about it you should be honest.
It is hard when they find out or you tell them cos there is no way of knowing how they are gonna react.
I was forced to tell my parents by my mates step-dad otherwise he was gonna tell them anyway cos he was there.
I told my mum i cut and she just hugged me and cried.
And said how she didn't know how i could do that to myself.
With my dad i was forced again i couldn't tell him cos he is one of those proud people who wont believe anything is wrong so i just showed him and he looked surprised and said he wasn't concerned and that it was nothing.
He was in denial basically.
Your mum sounds like she wants to help and i think it is perfect time to tell her cos she is already concerned.
If you can't speak to her about it write a letter.

Take care.
Amy x

Stars · 30-10-2008, 06:29 PM

i have been self harming for about 4 years now and my mum hasn't got a clue and i prefer it that way thats just me personally tho, my mum overreacts to everything and it would make everythig way worse.
If u think by telling your mum it will make your situation better do it, she will eventually understand im sure.

[pretty on the inside] · 01-11-2008, 02:47 AM

If you think that she may already know, it would probably be a relief to her if you came out and admitted it. It would be better for her to hear it from you than to be wondering whether or not there's something wrong and not to know. It sounds like she wants to be supportive of you, and if you think it might improve things then perhaps you should think about telling her.

However, having said that... My parents can always tell when I'm having a bad time, but when I've admitted my SI to them, they havem't reacted in the best way, and just made life feel uncomfortable for a while.

I think it depends on what kind of relationship you have with them though. I'm not very close to my parents so perhaps that's why it seems to work better when they don't know.

xx

musicmad123 · 01-11-2008, 03:12 AM

I'ts incredibly scary telling, I won't lie about that. But it can make a big difference and be a big help, it sounds like she's pretty supportive and as you say may know anyway, writing a letter might be a good starting point. After she knows you mightt feel able to talk to her more, she might be able to help you, or in my case basically it just stops you having to lie....
I say go for it and good luck

brap_brap · 01-11-2008, 05:44 PM

Well my dad overreacted and he tried to force me to stop which didnt work my mum was angry. About 6 months ago my dad told me cousin's that i SH. I was drunk at that point. Now they are supportive but i think my dad would still be angry if he sees a new cut but i hide them

xADAMx · 02-11-2008, 02:26 AM

Somehow the subject came up on Friday and I asked what she'd do if she saw scars on my arm. Her answer? Shout at me and get angry. I then ranted at her that that is the worst thing she could do if I actually was.

I'm not telling her...

BunnythesAINT · 02-11-2008, 04:46 AM

Quote:

Have people told their parents / do your parents know? How did they react?

Yeah, my guidance counselor had to. My friend didn't think that teachers had to tell that kind of stuff and she told the teacher who told our resource officer who told the guidance counselor who told my mom. My mom (I only live with my mom, my parents are divorced) just hugged me and told me that it was okay and stuff, it was a fairly okay reaction. I was expecting yelling or something, but I guess not. I hope that if you do tell your parents then they'll react okay.

afraidtogetbackup · 03-11-2008, 05:03 AM

My parents found out last night...i just started to cry when they told me they found this website and then started questioning me. It was hard to tell and i couldn't even actually say the words "i cut myself" i had to just show them the scars. Today they brought it up and told me how they are going to keep it up which isn't helping me at all. If you think it would help you by telling your mom then tell her... it will probably be the hardest thing but the best thing you ever do. on the other hand... if you think it will help by telling a friend that could just make you laugh when you think about doing SI... then don't...my parents are really over protective and they took it way better than i expected but it hasnt helped me really...it will in the long run... so i guess its just what you think will help you the most. sorry if this didn't help

xADAMx · 03-11-2008, 04:19 PM

It's really starting to get to me now. Everyone in my family keeps ringing me or texting me to "just see how you were" or to ask me if I want to do anything. My Mum has admitted that she told my Dad that I was "depressed and feeling a bit down" and he's asked me how I am and keeps saying things I should do. Then today, my Sister rang me up to say did I wanna drop round her house tomorrow for dinner. My Sister knows cus I did admit it to her, but I don't know what's going on, if everyone is talking behind my back.

I kinda get the impression that they know, but are just waiting to see if I admit it or not?

I did hear my Dad say to his girlfriend last week that I'm "really thick skinned," but I wonder if that's what they really think.

I don't know if I'm just being paranoid or not.

I don't want to tell them. I honestly don't see that it will help me, as I fully expect to just get told to "grow up and not be stupid" etc, if I do tell them.

:(

Spoons · 03-11-2008, 04:46 PM

i doubt they would tell you to grow up, you family sound like they are being incredibly supportive towards you, thats a good thing.
it may seem annoying, but atleast they care.

if you dont want to tell them then dont, once you do you cant take it back. But if they are being really supportive now, then they could do you the world of good if only you let them.

xADAMx · 03-11-2008, 05:07 PM

When I brought the subject up hypathetically on Friday with my Mum she basically said that's exactly what she'd tell me, and also what she did that one time she saw my scars when I was 17, so I guess it's hard for me to see any different.

It's one thing being supportive because they think I feel a bit down, but it's another entirely when I'm stood there breaking down with my sleeve rolled up. I just think they won't have a clue how to deal with it.

yanna · 03-11-2008, 08:46 PM

my mum always says she would rather know the worst than just fear it.

Spoons · 04-11-2008, 02:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xADAMx

When I brought the subject up hypathetically on Friday with my Mum she basically said that's exactly what she'd tell me, and also what she did that one time she saw my scars when I was 17, so I guess it's hard for me to see any different.

It's one thing being supportive because they think I feel a bit down, but it's another entirely when I'm stood there breaking down with my sleeve rolled up. I just think they won't have a clue how to deal with it.

Point taken, i guess. but its one thing telling someone and a complete different thing showing them, my friend knows i self harm, but i think if she ever saw them it would hit home alot more.

silverfaerychild · 24-12-2008, 03:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xADAMx

Have people told their parents / do your parents know? How did they react?

My parents found out when I od-ed when i was 16 i was wearing a wrist band and the damn bloody nurse removed it and saw the cuts and its shocked my parents greatly .

but looking back now

i am thnkful that moment happend cause then if it didnt then i probly wouldnt be here right now typing this message