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Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
William Jennings Bryan
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General Self Harm Articles |
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Welcome to General Self Harm Articles section! Here you will find a collection of articles that vary considerably in their angle, content and tone. All contain information our members have found useful over the years, but like any part of RYL, some will of course mean more to some people than others. Take some time to read them, because as we have seen a million times on RYL, understanding the problem is half of the battle - and those who we have seen commit to learning more about why they do what they do are the ones you progress the most rapidly towards recovery.
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The Cutting Warning Label
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WARNING
Before you make that first cut remember. You will enjoy this. You will find the blood and pain release addictive. Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren’t deep and will heal easily, they will get deeper. They will scar. They will sometimes take months to heal. And years for the scars to fade. If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again. It will spread when you run out of skin.
Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame. Even if you are the most honest person ever to live you will find yourself lying to the people you love. You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison. You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt, or just because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don’t know how bad it will be. Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100... Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around cutting, and thinking about cutting, cutting and covering up cutting. And just wait until that first time you cut “too deep”. And you freak because the blood won’t stop, and you are gaping, ad you feel yourself shaking all over. You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can’t tell anyone. So you sit there alone, praying it will be okay and swearing you’ll never let it go this far again. But you will; and further. Don’t worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid A and E.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find yourself spending £10, £20, £30 every time you go into a chemist. You will feel the flutter of your heart beat every time you go to the counter. Butterfly strips, 3 or 4 kinds of dressings, wound tape, antibiotic cream, medical tape, and scar reducers. You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the queue will move on and that no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things. And at the same time secretly hope that someone will notice... someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies. Someone who understands. But of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won’t be the only thing you spend all your money on. Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe. Long sleeve shirts in summer colours, bracelets, wristbands, boots, gloves the list goes on and on.
You will start looking at every one in a different way. Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI, just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don’t feel so terribly alone. You won’t even think about it as you eyes scan their wrists, arms, hoping, just hoping that you might meet someone like you. But they are not. You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing alot of things alone. You will always have to wash your laundry in private so that no one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels. You will always be cleaning up the blood. Scrubbing your bathroom floor, wiping the blood off your keyboard.
You won’t be able to make it through a day without cutting. Next thing you know you’re locked in a toilet cubical somewhere breaking open a scar with a sowing needle you keep in your purse for emergencies. When you get really desperate anything can be a cutting tool. Scissors, car keys, needles, even a pen. It doesn’t really matter what if you need to cut bad enough you’ll find something.
Say goodbye to the things you took for granted. Like wearing shorts or sandals, pedicures and sleeveless tops. A normal summer day at the beach or the swimming pool will become a far off memory to you.
And remember to be ready to itch. Because you will itch and itch so much that “you look like you have fleas or a skin disease”.
You will become an expert on your own body as you destroy it carefully. You will dream about cutting. You will dream about being exposed. It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will wish you never made that first cut because you will absolutely hate cutting; but at the same time you love it and cannot live without it.
You have been warned... - 13375 Views
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This is very good. I've been consciously self-harming for more than 30 years. I had forgotten most of this because it just seems normal to me. It reminded me that life wasn't meant to be this way. As a hospital chaplain said to me once, 'It's no way to live'.
This is amazing. And true. Love it.
I saw this before my first cut and I didn't believe it. Now I think about cutting every time I'm triggered but turn to rubber bands instead, which also do damage if you abuse them... Oh, god, I wish I had listened....
... I bought my blade about two years ago ... and since then I have only cut very rarely. I don't even consider myself as "cutting" ... it's never bad, it's never deep, I still wear t-shirts without anyone getting suspicious ... as touching as this article is, I don't see how I could get there ...
i saw this not before i cut but before things went too far, i still read it whenever i get doubts about quitting, thank you,
Thankyou. this was so moving, it made me start to shake and cry, very well written.
If only I had seen this before I started. I think this could seriously make anyone reconsider. Amazing job.
This brought me to tears, it was so beautifully written. don't like it, but it's so true. You can deny it all but when you read through and agree with everything...wow. You found the words for everything i, and others, are going through. Thank you
I wish i had seen this before now...
words that are so painfully true, thank you.
omg I thought someone reached in my head and pulled out everything I knew but never wanted to say. It's beautifully written.
This makes me incredibly depressed.
The part were you said when the person panic's because they can not stop the bleeding and are shaking cus there sceard, i went through all that to, and everything you discussed was like everything i have so far gone though to, and the part were things are so out of control and your sceard, and promise never again.. there is always ' again'.
Thanks for posting. I wish I could have seen it earlier though, when I first started cutting. Right now I'm just thinking "I'm in control" but I can't really make myself stop.
Thank you for posting this. I know most people on this site have already passed that point of the "first cut," but I am the exception. I come here because I don't want to start. So thank you for encouraging me.
I wish someone would've showed this to me when I started.
I read through that and just kept nodding my head.
before i first read this i was like "im not that bad, im in control" but everything that was said i was like, yeah, done that, that too, yup done it. Now its like my life and i don't think about buying all that stuff and cleaning the blood, its just a routine. Wish i could get out of it, but im trying!
please please please, if you have just started cutting or are even thinking about it. DONT. every word said in that article is true. when i started i thought that it wouldnt control my life and i would only do it every once and awhile when i got really deppressed. now im doing it several days a week. and i think about it almost all the time. you WILL withdraw from people. and its true you wont be able to control how deep or where you cut. it will get deeper and deeper and deeper. and then youll move onto burning and breaking your bones. just dont even start. i wish i had read this..
i agree completely. i love and hate myself for what i do. i wish i had never started and hope i never stop. sometimes i don't think i ever will. its so hard to get out. my cousin tried cutting to 'prove a point to me' all it proved was that i'm awful for letting him know what i do
so true.
This made me cry, it's so true. I wish I had seen this before.
thankyou DAA
This was beautiful. reading it brought back a flood of memories...and a few tears. Though it may be a bit late for me, I'm going to forward this to a friend right now, who is still in the first "stage" of SI. He wants to cut, but can't quite bring himself to it. And no matter how hard I try to convince him to please, please not start, he won't listen to me. Maybe he'll listen to these words from a stranger though. thank you.
This is a good piece of text I think. I read this over and over again always when I feel like slipping back to cutting. And this really helps!
Most of the people on this site, if not all are already past the stage of 'the first cut'. We already know and have gone through all that stuff. It's just a reminder of how hard it is to stop and of how lonely it is to self harm.
When I read this, I couldnt helop but think done that done that done that. I like to think Im in control but Im not, most of us arent we self harm without thinking we just do it. Its a pattern a routine.
it's all true, and it's hard to accept that it's true.
first one little cut and now i'm ashamed for my body.
...
it's aint easy the read your life
it is that bad.. it really is.... i feel both pride and shame at what i do... but i dont CHOOSE to cut... i dont even think when i do... its just.. there
I would never have listened to it if I had have read it. I'd never get THAT crazy. not me. but I did and it's hell. trying to get out of it is SO hard, it really does take over your life. but we get there in the end.
love & light
I'm not sure I would have listened...But I still wish that something like this was easily found when I started...
i remember this, apparently someone on the vetrans forum wrote it years ago before they left the site, and placed it on quizzilla which is where i came across it.
i wish i'd know but i found this at a time i was trying to stop not start
your right, i do wish i had seen this befor the first cut
I don't like that. I don't choose to cut, nor am I proud of it. It just happens.