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Insanity: A perfect rational adjustment to an insane world.
R.D. Lang
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how i got here :S
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Unlike a lot of people’s stories, mine didn’t start at home with family life. It started at primary school. Ever since day-one I was bullied like hell. All I remember since I was five is hate and bullying. By the time I was seven, I had become the small kid-version of a depressed adult. I didn’t quite know how I felt or how to deal with life anymore. I would try to get out of going to school daily, so finally my mum moved me out of that school and into another. At my new school it was always me and my two best friends—but somehow I always felt like I was a third wheel. By this time I was eight and I started to spend more and more time on my own until I became a loner.
Then I started at high school. Things were better for a while. After the first half-term, the rest of my year used to isolate me and spread rumors. That was when i started to self- harm. It started with picking scabs off existing cuts and gradually built up to the point of (failed) suicide attempts.
In my tenth year (last year), one of my only friends started getting a bit too friendly. At first I thought it was because he liked me—but then I realized he was trying to use me for his own sick twisted pleasure. I tried to get him to back off, but that just seemed to make him keener. In February of last year he did it. He raped me in an empty classroom while I was bunking PE.
After that my life went from bad to worse. I wanted to die so I attempted suicide, which failed. I took eight paracetemol, and six co-codamol. I ended up in hospital having my stomach pumped. (Fun times…)
When my mum found out that I was self-harming she flipped on me. She told me she hated me and that I was a disgrace. She pushed me down the stairs and smacked my head against a wall. When I finally got away from her, I cried my eyes out for about two straight hours. Then I cut myself—but it was a lot worse than any cut I had done previously. I lost a lot of blood and ended up back in hospital. When they asked why I did it, I just couldn’t tell them because I didn’t want to be taken away from my mum. Even if she didn’t love me, I still loved her.
I’m in my last year of high school now (year eleven), and things are getting better-ish. But now I have a boyfriend and he is the most amazing person in the world. No one seems to care how happy he makes me, and there is always a plan that someone has thought of to try and get him to break it off with me. Luckily none of these plans have actually worked. I just don’t know what I would do if they had.
At the moment things aren’t the worst they’ve ever been, but they aren’t good either. My school has found out that I have been cutting again—and they want to refer me to a counselor.
And that’s how I ended up on this website, trying to get some help. (It’s really working by the way. Thank you.) - 1253 Views
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Seriously, this is my life story almost to the T. Bullying, cutting, becoming a loner. Knowing that I'm not alone in all this made me feel way better (: if you ever wanna talk you can. Good luck with everything
woman* oops
you're a strong women, and life really does get better