I believe you will realise that parents react negatively not only to SI, but also to EVERY negative action/feeling that you do/experience. Parents may be hurting as much as you are when they see new cuts on you. It’s a natural response of humans when they see somebody they love and care about hurting themselves. It’s not necessarily that they are not trying to understand, it could be that they wish to but do not have all the answers. Just like when you hear bad news, your first reaction will be, “Oh no!” and after that, you will settle down and think about how to further react to that bad news.
There are many other reasons why parents may react negatively to SI:
 

They feel guilty that you are hurting yourself. They feel that they are not a good parent
 
They did not have all the counselling and psychology books to study and read when they are growing up
 
Parenting is a new experience to them
 
They have their own sets of problems to deal with, they can’t handle another blow, as it will hurt them further to see their child hurting themselves
 
They do not know how you are exactly feeling because you didn’t talk to them, you haven’t told them how you would like to be helped. 

They don’t know how to help. They are afraid to make things worse for you. So when they see new cuts, they freak out.
 
They themselves have never self-harmed, they don’t know what it feels like, how hard it is to quit
 
They love you enough to care


When we learn to put ourselves in our parent’s shoes, we will understand our parents more. Think about when you become a parent yourself; wouldn’t you love your child enough to wish that they would not hurt themselves? Even if your child does harm himself, you will know how to respond because you have been through it, and you will also know what type of response is not helpful. People learn from experience. Always keep in mind that parents are not perfect, they too have limited resources to help you. But they DO love you.


Angela

	iolite - January 19, 2011 My dad, who is a doctor, closed up a cut that needed stitches. At the time he was my hero. I also later realized that he knew i was self-abusive, (it was quite obvious). so when i asked why he didnt stop me if he knew, he told me "Its useless to stop people like you". I dont know what to make of that.
	shun it all - November 10, 2009 but like my mom freaks out on me but she did it when she was my age and nun of this is here fault my mom dosent need to fraek out about what im dowing
	Riku3323 - September 30, 2009 its because their scared, and they don't know how to help you, and a part of them feels like they failed you. but thats excuse, they should see that you're already in a enough pain, and they should help you to be happier, becuase when they yell it probably only makes you want to do it again. at least thats the way I feel.
	X-Immortal-Rose-X - September 6, 2008 My Mum Wanted To Chuck Me Out &+ I Only Really Understood When I Sh Again &+ She Said She Was Going To Do It. It Really Made Me Stop &+ Think.
	givenup - March 14, 2008 it makes them feel like there not doing a good job as beinga parnet, but with mine they act mean sometimes, they yell at me and stuff-and then they dont understand why i cut, personally i think they have mixed emotions just like we do when we first cut like "should i do this?" "well i'm pretty upset" then are emotions kinda smooth out all into one, " i have to cut to feel better" parnets on the other hand really just dont have one feeling about it.
	delusorydesigns - October 29, 2007 I can completely identify with that--it is really discouraging and frustrating. Here is how I've come to understand it: parents tend to respond this way because they are disappointed in themselves for not being able to make you happy enough to stop self-harming; they feel it is their fault, and that it is their responsibility to keep you from doing this to yourself. They feel that they have failed you, but they are also in denial of that feeling. For this reason, they turn this anger with themselves against us when we slip up and hurt ourselves, because they feel helpless and it hurts them to see us unhappy. Sometimes, when people feel confused and don't know where to direct their anger, they end up taking it out on the very people they care about most. The reasoning behind their reactions doesn't make them any less hurtful, and it doesn't necessarily help us not feel like hurting ourselves all over again when they react like this. I know that, I totally understand it. But it takes change from both parties to stop the cycle--we have to do our best to work on breaking the habit--but they also have to learn what does and does not help us do this. Parents, unfourtunately, seem to struggle a lot with this. Just hang in there, and if possible, try to communicate to them that their negative reactions only make things worse. It will take time for them to change their ways, but they want what is best for you, so they will work on it if you let them know. Best of luck, Elizabeth

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