Life after RYL and self harm aint easy but if i can do it then anyone can!*update11/10/09*
Seems there is life after RYL and self harm but boy, it aint easy!
Its around 2 months since i last drew blood. Prior to that it was about another 2 months. In the last 6 months ive probably cut 10 times and all of which have been pretty minor. This is an enourmous improvement for me. I still argue with walls however, but even that is becoming less and less.
I now have extra help to augment my therapy. I have a care worker who gets me out of the house and provides me with someone to just talk to and be normal with. I have also just started some CBT too to assist with the simple things in life i seem to find most difficult.
At the moment im sat at my friends house. Its only the second time in 3 years ive been here and seen them. My godson lives here and ive spent the weekend making Starwars Lego and pretending ive drunk a load of flies in my drink and i cant stop buzzing. (ahem long story)
Im am told and reminded to slow down and not get stressed. Im being taught to accept im ill and more importantly being taught how to tell others im illl without scaring them away.
I still find life hard. I still find that pretty much everythng i do is an effort. Its a struggle and i have to battle my thoughts but im winning the battle and im getting things done! Sure i have days where i still dont move, but i also have days where i do and its great!
Each day i seem to be able to entertain the thought of positivity a little more and each day the decision to be nice is becomming easier too.
A terrible self image still plagues me. I still havent a clue how to relate to the person others apparently see, however now rather than hating myself for that i have a genuine determination to find out how i can take those words on board and use them to get better.
I really want to get better now. I want to be happy. I want to be without fear. I want to like myself. I want to get better!
Like i have said its not easy. My god its the hardest thing for me ever. I find it hard to slow down and not get frustrated. Its bloody hard to accept i cant just "do things" but i want to and im going to!
One day ill take all ive learned and ill use it to help others. First im going to help myself.
Perhaps ill start cooking again someday. I want to learn to bake. I think id be pretty good at it.
Maybe, just maybe ill open a sanctuary for loons like us to come and bake and get mended. Ive always believed in the theraputic powers of a good cake!
I have no great qualities or strengths. Im not something special. I have no real secret. Im just changing and getting better.
If someone like me can get better then trust me when i say "so can you"!
I'm happy for you that you are doing so much better!
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
hey Pengy, it's wonderful to hear how far you've come. At times i worried about you, i always hoped we'd see a post like this from you, one day just became now. mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
its really good to hear things are going better for you. really is an inspirtation to all of us. i am hoping you can get back to cooking good luck in all things to come
Sherlock: Oh, please. Killing me. That's so two years ago.
well done i agree with what you have said (especially about the cake) and also encourage others to believe in themselves that they can break free from self harm. i was a self harmer from the age of 11, all through my teens. i was just turning 20 when i last cut. and i am now 22 so i agree it can be done! and i feel so much better for it xxx
"When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you" - Dr Samuel Loomis
i agree with what you have said (especially about the cake) and also encourage others to believe in themselves that they can break free from self harm. i was a self harmer from the age of 11, all through my teens. i was just turning 20 when i last cut. and i am now 22 so i agree it can be done! and i feel so much better for it xxx
