I'm sorry for posting yet again but there's something I really need to get out, I think maybe if I write it down I will be able to make sense of it.
So last night, I went to this 80s bar in Croydon with a friend. It was really good to get out of the house, and the music and the people and the drinks were all perfect. I danced with a guy and felt really good about myself.
But there was this bouncer.. he was sort of following me and my friend round. When my friend went to the toilet, she was a long time and when she came back she said that she had done something naughty, and it turned out the bouncer had talked her into flashing him. She just thought it was funny and I was a bit shocked but didn't really hold it against him as I doubt it took much persuation. But when we went out for a cigarette he followed us out and kind of blocked us in a corner and kept telling us to flash him and he was all jokey and laughy so I was trying not to get scared but I didn't want to. Then he said that on Thursdays the bar was over-21s 'at the bouncer's discretion', like, implying that he was going to throw us out or something, and we were quite drunk so believed him but now I know that was a ridiculous horrible lie.
Long story short, near the end of the evening he kindof hemmed us in outside the toilets and separated me from my friend and he kinda talked me into showing him a bit of my breasts but then he pulled my bra down and my friend came over and rescued me. We left about 10 minutes after that, I think.
I don't want to think of this as anything bad, and I don't know if it's even serious enough to be sexual harrassment. I told my best friend and he said if I liked he would call up in a day or two and make a complaint, and I don't know whether I should ask him to or not. It was our choice, me and Gabbie, we didn't have to do any of that. But he pressured us and I am really crap with stuff like that, I get so upset and scared and so in the past I have gone along with stuff like that with guys I don't really like. But when I woke up this morning I felt so crap and sicky and like something really bad had happened.
I don't go out very often and that's one of the reason my friend decided I had to get out of the house and have a good time. The more I think about this, the less likely it is that I will be able to go there again, which I WANT to because it was cheap and friendly and great fun apart from him. But if I thought he was going to be there I would be too scared, even if Patrick was there with me.
I know I'm going round in circles but I don't know what to do. I don't know how much of it was me and how much of it was him. I don't know if it was sexual harrassment. I don't know if he'll say something horrible like 'well she was going to kiss that boy on the dancefloor so she's just a little slut anyway'. I'm scared, but I don't want to be.... :(
