Looking back, i was always very possesive about thinks like home, family and always felt comfortable in their surroundings and used to getvery upset at small things, maturity was sow mentally, always refused to accept the reality and my capabilities, was always woried about future since childhood, left India 6yrs ago as i could not compete there, struggled for survival in UK, got depressed and struggled on, i am always cribbing about things not satisfied with what i have, and take little things to heart and get distressed, i am married and having conflicts with my wife which i have been made to feel was my fault, feel like my life is messed up, dont know what to do where to go, feel like ending it all and free mysef, but just hanging on for my parents and sister, have failed miserably in whatever i have done. I dont have the courage to face the world anymore, feel like just go home and look after my parents, but thats not possible as i will get depressed again, I am confused dont know what i want in life, helpp me please.
i'm sorry things are difficult for you, i hope you find a way through them. not being satisfied with what you have: i reckon gratitude is a habit. practise saying every day when you are grateful for something, no matter how small. having conflicts with your wife: do you know what it is causing the arguments? you could sit down and talk together about it when you're both calm and find out what the problem is. you could ask friends for their opinion. if things are really bad you could consider seeing a marriage counsellor. hanging on for your parents and sister: i think this is a good reason to be sticking around, it shows you still care about people. not having the courage to face the world anymore: if you think your mood is more than situational it may be worth visiting your doctor and telling him how you feel, he may be able to help. not knowing what to do with your life: is there anything you haev real passion for? a hobby, religion, people? can you live for that?
I am on fluoxetine, its been 2 weeks on it now, but I have been traumatised by the events in life, married a girl who i thought would help me in achieving my dreams, but she turned out to be a spoiler, selfish women, i am mentally seperated from her, but just hanging on for my parents and society's sake. My mistakes of past , my failures are haunting me everyday, little motivation left in me now, just feel like go somewhere where there is peace, i cant take on life.
It's not really events per se that make a person depressed but how they react to them. If a robber pulls out a gun in a bank and steals the money. Some people in the bank will be fine the next day and others will have PTSD. Maybe they won't be able to go into a bank without having a panic attack etc. What made the people different is how they reacted.
A sharp over-reaction is what opens up the psyche and causes a rupture. Anger especially will make a person feel "dark minded" and morbid. Resentment is a hypnotic emotion that will keep you fixated to negative things and choke off the positive.
Of course it's normal to feel stress and discomfort - but those can pass and leave you stronger if you don't let them make you negative. You don't have to "win" verses trying circumstances you just make sure you "don't lose"
Don't be process oriented and judge self by job, wife etc. You came into world alone and you will leave it alone. What happens in the middle is as much about character and learning as anything.
Most marriages stop being light hearted romantic escapades and resentment often creeps in. Your wife may enjoy resenting you at this point. Don't let the temptations to hate her back poison your life. Problems get fixed in the present. If you keep dwelling morbidly on the past and dreading the future you won't have the motivation and insight for the present. You can take on life if you don't lose your resilience and energy. It's hating problems and self that steal both of those and not the problems themselves. Blaming anything or anyone including yourself is not the answer. Clarity and objectivity without poisoned emotions is the key imo.
you are absolutely right, but i dont know if its the medications or my inability to pass exams and conflicts with wife, i am struggling, i cant see a way out of my misery, going to india soo, dont know if i get better or worse.
i dont know if this will help any but someone told me this once, he used to struggle a lot, i know he moved over from bangladesh, and had bipolar. really nice man! anyways this is what he told me, his "code" that he lives by every day!
5 practises for a fullfilling life:
1 - mindfullness
2 - gratitude
3 - optimism
4 - compassion
5 - constructivness
he also explained them all to me, but i cant remember, i know trying to achieve the compassion and mindfullness towards yourself and others, can make you constructive and therefore make you more optomistic i think. and its always good to be gratefull for what you have.
he also reccomended a book "learned optimism" by dr martin seligman. i havent read it yet, but this man inspired me, he managed to find a way to live with bipolar, withouth meds (they didnt work for him)
as for not knowing what you want in life, i have no clue. i just lost the one thing i 100% wanted. and now am lost, but instead of wanting to do nothing, i want to do too much. i could settle down with me boyfriend happily, or do a creative metal work course, or ODP training and/or travel! so things do get better, just hang in there please.
i think what i've written is really annoying. sorry!
xxx
Last edited by Kija : 12-05-2009 at 09:20 AM.
Reason: spelling
