Triggering (SI) - patronising cpn + i'm struggling

[jen-x]

I had a call from the crisis team, i'd been holding on for this. I told him I was struggling and he said I needed to be patient. I don't know if i can get through tonight without hurting myself badly. They've been putting images in my head for days of what i'm supposed to do and i told myself i'd tell him but i said things were hard, then he said be patient. I can try, but they don't exactly do patience. They're annoyed that i told the psych and they wnt leave me alone. They're there in my head ALL THE TIME.

meds - he said have you been taking them? i said not all the time, but i'm trying. he said put them next to your bed, on your pillow. i don't just forget. I'M NOT ALLOWED! and i cant always get past that. But of course by this point i couldnt tell him anymore, coz it seems to me nothing got passed on to him, he hadnt a clue about me.

He said 'you sound a lot better'..... he only spoke to me on the day the gp phoned me in as an emergency, with my parents in the next room, listening. today i was alone, behind a locked door, knowing he couldnt hurt me. Of course i sound different. Now i dont want to tell the psych how bad things've been tomorrow in case he thinks i'm being impatient too. Whats the point? I don't want to end up in hospital tonight with an injury, but I'm scared they're going to take over and i tried to ask for help, but its difficult to talk about, then to get that response. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed, i shouldnt have told him i felt bad. Thats not what he wanted.

I don't know why I'm writing this really, i just... what do i do? i mean, if they don't get me tonight, they're going to get me another day soon? but they dont want me to tell the 'professionals' and by the sounds of it, they don't want to know either. idk, maybe i'm being over sensitive....

jenx

oh dear... sorry for the essay!

[startingagain]

Tell the psych. It could be a while til you see them again, and you might regret it.
I phoned the crisis line once sobbing and was told to make a cup of tea. Very helpful... Sometimes I think they don't know what to say x

[guiltyinnocence]

*hugs* im sorry you're struggling so much atm sweetie! its not always going to be this way, keep fighting
it just sounds asthough he didnt know what to say, or maybe didnt get how much you are struggling and in danger you feel
please tell your psych today..you need to let them know how bad things are getting so they can help you. please tell them. if you cant verbally say it maybe try writing it down?
i hope you're ok, keep on fighting this
xxxx

[tamobhuuta]

i hope last night was ok. i think ti would be a good idea to tell your psych, he's there to help, even if the guy on the phone didn't understand. you don't have to deal with this alone.

[jen-x]

Thank you. I managed to get through last night, and though i didnt manage to tell him everything, i managed to get across that it was really hard. I think it was just a case of because i was already feeling so bad, his (CPN) comments didnt help. I'm feeling a tiny bit better today because i met someone from the longer term team and he seemed really nice, so i feel a tiny bit of hope... I just wish i was better at communicating things, for some reason, i cant even hand it over when i write it down, so thats unsuccessful to.

thanks again,
jen x

[frida]

patronising CPNs? don't get me started...GRRRR

[jen-x]

frida.... i know!! this wasnt the only one! same one when i said i was struggling with people hearing my thoughts and graphic images of serious self harm said 'sip some water'!!

Hope you're ok?

jenx

quick question: i need more meds before i next see psych, but dont think gp has notes yet and i'm TERRIFIED of going out still. what do i need to do? am expecting another call, but probs from the same CPN that offends me every time so don't know if i'll have the nerve to ask him what to do!

[whirlpools]

you can phone up the surgery and ask for a repeat prescription over the phone. it'll probably mean you'll have to go to the surgery to collect it, though, and the medication from the pharmacy, but i'm not sure. also, see if your surgery do online booking - you'll need to go to the surgery to collect a username and password and stuff, but then you'll be able to make all your appointments and order your repeats online. xxx

[jen-x]

thanks, just had phone call and the nurse is gonna sort it for me...

cheers.
jenx