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Going crazy here
I have been on a very intense study-trip the past two weeks. I survived them, solely by immersing myslef into the course-material. I was simply too busy to think and worry. But now I am home, and I am losing it. I have slept like 35 hours or so the past two days, just fell in feverish-like dreams. Very odd and realistic ones. I cannot read or watch tv, my mind is just overloaded.
To make things worse: before I left I made a promise to my girlfriends- for a women-only movienight. So they come tomorrow and spend the night at my place, watch movies all night. I am terrified. Off course, that is why it is called social anxiety, but I am in no fit state right now. I cannot work, I am exhausted, and....I don`t know. I am simply afirad that I cannot fight it.
I started cutting myself again, to relief the anxiety, to relief the overloaded feeling. As if by making an incision it all will find a way out. Somehow it works...for a while...I do not cut too much for fear of discovery...but I will not stop. I cannot. I am too afriad I cannot cope.
and there is no-one I can talk with. Normally there is, but right now everyone around me is occupied with so much more important matters. My partens are on vacation together0 they have had their share of worries over me so I want to leave them in peace. And my sister has her finals in a bit, she needs all her attention there.
I feel alone, and scared.
Sorry for the rant, but I need to get it off my chest, and maybe some of you have some tips on how to loose this exhaustion/fear/tension/all other bull.
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