Triggering (Suicide) - I don't really know what to do.

PointeShoes-x · 02-05-2009, 12:54 PM

Sorry if this is in the wrong forum.

I'm feeling really suicidal at the moment. Every night I just want to end it all. I'm OK in the day time but at night I get really bad and it's really worrying me because I'm not sure I really ready to die. Last night I very nearly did it and it just scares me so much.

I just have no idea what to do to keep safe. There are a couple of people I can text and they usually manage to talk me out of doing anything, but I feel bad because they get so worried when i'm having a bad night and I can't have them worrying about me every single night. I do live with my parents, but telling them how I feel is just NOT an option, full stop. All they would do would be to watch me 24/7 which would probably just make me more suicidal.

I want to talk to my CPN about this on Tueday, but I'm worried she'll tell my parents to keep me safe and I really don't want that.

So...I don't know, does anyone have any suggestions of ways I can try to keep myself safe at night?

tamobhuuta · 02-05-2009, 01:25 PM

you could try throwing away or locking away anythign you might use to hurt yourself. and what i do when i know i'm giong to feel suicidal is got o bed early, before the urges get too strong. that way i can usually sleep through my feelings. i have no trouble getting to sleep so i suppose if you do that wouldn't work. i think you should tell your CPN and see what she says, you can explain that you don't want your parents to know because it will make things worse. sorry you're having such a tough time

PointeShoes-x · 02-05-2009, 01:43 PM

Thanks for replying.

I think I'd find it difficult to throw away anything I'd use because it's a bit like a safety net having them there. But maybe I could put them in a place that's not easy to get to. And going to sleep early is a good idea, sometimes I have trouble getting to sleep but I can at least try.

one_step_closer · 02-05-2009, 03:38 PM

I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad. Maybe you could try doing lots of things during the day so that when the night comes you are ready to sleep and get to sleep quickly. Doing some exercise during the day can help, as can avoiding things that will keep you awake at night such as being on your computer later on and eating lots before you try to sleep. Give yourself some time to wind down by doing something relaxing like having a bath or reading. If you find it really difficult to sleep perhaps you could talk to your doctor and see what they suggest. If you still can't sleep and feel really bad would you be able to phone a helpline?

Please talk to your CPN, that way you can work through the things that are making you feel suicidal. I hope that things get easier for you soon. Take care.

PointeShoes-x · 02-05-2009, 04:16 PM

Thanks for the suggestions, I will definitely try and work on getting to sleep more easily. And yeah, I would at least consider phoning a helpline, I don't really like talking on the phone but I might.

withnail · 04-05-2009, 09:04 PM

hi there. i'm completely new to this site but I feel I can relate to what you are going through. It's been a few days since your original post so I hope you are doing better. All I was going to say was, if you don't want to talk to someone on the phone the Samaritans to offer text and email support services. I found them very helpful in the past especially since -like you- I don't like to talk to strangers over the phone about personal stuff. Feel free to PM anytime you need the support. take care.

PointeShoes-x · 04-05-2009, 09:46 PM

^^ Thanks, I'll look into the texting and emailing.