Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - Helpless

uffie. · 30-04-2009, 09:23 PM

I feel disgusting i don't know what else to say.
I feel so disgusting I took a half hour shower with boiling hot water and then i cut. I want to cry.
I don't know what to do. I am being sexually abused by someone in my family. I can't say anything and I can't do anything to stop it.
I don't know what to do. I can't say anything.
I want to die.

Chocolate_Butterfly · 30-04-2009, 10:03 PM

Oh dear God

Sweetie I'm speechless I am dreadfully sorry you have to endure this but you have to tell someone you must

I have also been abused but by a female when I was younger your the first person I've ever told. I am deeply saddened to hear this is happening I feel helpless to stop it. Please don't think of suicide the person doing this to you is in the wrong not you, the emotional trauma you're facing must be terrible and I can only try and ease you lonliness from here I wish you well and your in my thoughts I am here if you ever need me my email is morbetha_raven@hotmail.com
luv Natx

shadow-light · 30-04-2009, 10:42 PM

are you sure that there is no-one you can tell? even a friend?

you are not disgusting, they are the one's doing wrong and disgusting things, you are not.

uffie. · 30-04-2009, 11:18 PM

No, i don't think i can tell anyone. I don't think i want to. I am so ashamed of myself.
I don't normally cut, that's the first time in two years i've done it.
Thanks for replies. I just feel so horrible and dirty right now.

shadow-light · 30-04-2009, 11:20 PM

you are not dirty and have nothing to be ashamed of

musicmad123 · 01-05-2009, 12:15 AM

could you call a helpline? they're anonymous, they might be able to give you some advice, everyone's right, you've got nothing to be ashamed of.

uffie. · 01-05-2009, 12:19 AM

I do. it's complicated. I think I am encouraging it, but I don't mean to. I've never called a helpline but I don't know what good it'll do. they won't be able to make it stop, it won't be able to change how horrible I feel, I don't think anybody's words will help at all.
I'm sorry, I'm not just being difficult. I can't see any way out of this.

shadow-light · 01-05-2009, 12:21 AM

I'm sure that you're not encouraging it... people often feel that way and i'myet to come across a single case in which it's true

uffie. · 01-05-2009, 03:16 PM

I don't know what to do. sorry for bumping this back up.
I just, I'm not coping with this at all and I've got so much school work to do at the moment and I can't concentrate on anything and I can't do anything right and I just want to crawl into bed and stay there forever.

shadow-light · 01-05-2009, 03:17 PM

don't appologise.

you really need some support in this... do you think you could try a callline? It can't hurt and talking about it may help

uffie. · 01-05-2009, 03:38 PM

I'm too afraid. haha, that sounds stupid.
I don't think anybody beyond the internet could support me. this whole situation is ****ing ridiculous, I don't know how the hell any of this happened. nobody would suspect a thing.