Triggering (SI/Abuse) - (Suicide Trigger too) Crisis Aftermath

[rustedchains]

These past two weeks have been pure misery. Two weeks ago I was too apathetic about everything. My room was a mess, my assignments were not up to par, and everything was starting to fall apart.

I finally hit rock bottom and emailed my therapist in desperation. I wound up in a crisis home for a week.

Now I'm dealing with the aftermath and don't know how. I mean, I'm giving all my sharps to my RD which is good as I'm afraid I'll use them if I keep them. Summer residence housing is up in the air. I was not permitted to go on chorale trip this semester with really hit me hard. Then there's the realizing how low I got and that had I not told my therapist I likely would have attempted.

And why? Why did I want to die so badly? Why couldn't I handle life anymore? I am sick of the nightmares. I am sick of remembering what he did to me and what she said to me. I cannot tolerate much more of this. But I don't know how to talk to my therapist about it. I lock down when I try to talk about it and it sucks. I've written some things out and given it to him, but discussing it is near impossible for me.

[tamobhuuta]

well done for emailing your therapist, i'm glad he was able to help keep you safe. and you made a good choice getting rid of your sharps too. i think the important thing with the therapy is to keep going until you can get through your barriers. if writing is the only way you can push yourself to communicate at the moment, keep writing. maybe you could even take a pad in with you for the difficult bits.

[guiltyinnocence]

im really glad you emailed your therapist, well done for reaching out for help!
as for talking to your therapist. why dont you tell your therapist that your struggling to open up..and work from there? like maybe itd help to work through why you struggle to open up about it first of all? just an idea
also, writing stuff down, like waiting in the dark said, is a really good idea
xxxx

[lunakitten]

I'm in awe of your strength in reaching out and letting your therapist know how bad things had got. That took immense courage.

I don't think there is anything wrong with not being able to open up or say the words. If writing helps, then keep doing it, and definitely take a pad with you to difficult things so that if you can't say anything, you still have a way to communicate.

I hope that things start to get easier for you soon.

Take care

LunaK