Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - Cant get them out my head

[little_unicorn]

i dont even know what to say

Lately they always been in my head
even things id forgotten

told D and i saw the look in his eyes
"here we go again. F*****G GET OVER IT!!"

i feel empty
totally empty
theres nothing left inside
nothing but vile, seething disgustingness

whats the point?
people pretend they care
i know the truth

they were right
i do deserve it
i deserved everything i got
i dont deserve friends
i dont deserve D
i dont deserve to live

i want to hurt
to physically hurt
meself
and everyone round me

if they're all gone then theres nothing left to stop me
no-one to talk me out of it
no-one to guilt me into staying

thats got to be plan b though
plan a is still a work in progress
and it cnt be classed as sui

im tired
oh so tired

[Popple]

Sweetie, can you explain a bit more whats going on?
You did not deserve to hurt, no one deserves that and anyone who says you do is lying because it what they want you to think.
Does anyone know about it, anyone you can talk to?
You don't have to cope with this on your own and you can get through this.
Take care of yourself
x

[smileemptysoul]

I know you feel like pushing away from people now but what you really need is to let those close to you in.

It sounds like you do want help since you said hurting yourself is Plan B. Let's work on Plan A. The feelings of emptiness can lead you to wanting to hurt yourself just so you can feel something. Instead of doing that, try to do other things that arent harmful.

Try to think of things that you do like. This can help alleviate the feeling of nothingness.

Do you have any idea for Plan A?

Some suggestions are:
To get a therapist if possible.
To keep the people closest to you.
To work on getting rid of the empty feelings.
To set small goals for yourself.

Take care
PM box is always open