Apple ... I think I can relate to what you went through.
I reckon for some people, it doesnt matter how much clean time you get under your belt .... you can still be literally knocked off your feet by these powerful urges to use that makes it seem like only yesterday that you gave up using for the first time!
I get like that with alcohol ... STILL ... after over 7 years sober!
I still have the most HORRIBLE dreams where I imagine that I've relapsed and I've gotten drunk .... I wouldnt be surprised if I'm having an alcoholic 'trip' like people often get when they have acid flashbacks a long time after they've stopped using LSD. When I have these dreams, I feel terrible and I see how many people I am effecting by my alcohol use .... and I wake up shaking with terror and self disgust! I wonder how long I will have to have sober before those dreams stop .... maybe it will NEVER happen.
I think its incredible how powerful a grip that a mere substance can have on a person, even after they've stopped taking it for months ... and even years down the track!
On the positive side of things though, as time passes, you become alot more skilled at managing these urges when they hit ... you realise that an urge to use/drink DOES NOT have to mean that you've got to GIVE IN to that urge ... you can FEEL the urge but still be able to FIGHT the urge .. and that was something that I didnt understand in my early days of being sober.
Well done Apple for surviving this powerful craving - it sounds like you came across a really triggering situation, and your mind flashed back to difficult times in the past .... and made the connection with calling your dealing ... and then the craving hit you. These craving can be awfully strong, cant they? But you survived it, and proved that YOU are so much STRONGER than these cravings now .... you've definitely come a long way hun .... and you should be very PROUD of yourself!
WELL DONE!
And thanks for sharing this very positive experience!
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