Triggering (SI) - scared they're listening

[jen-x]

I'm scared... the colours and patterns which were making life amazing yesterday, are now too much. There are too many colours, too many noises. My family have guests over but i cant follow conversations. I cant concentrate. I cant hear one thing, only everything at once. I have a million thoughts racing throiugh my head. Im trying to use music to block it out but its not working and people are listening to my head and its sca ring me and i'm just waiting to be alone to hurt, just so i can bring me back, so i know where i am. I'm confused, coz i dont' know whose safe and whose listening. and i have nowhere to go, and the pych team havent got back to me and i dont know my gp and i have no meds, because my old psych took me off them, but said i needed supervising on new ones, so wouldnt help, said they had to, and maybe he's stopping them, listening to me and stopping them, thinks i'm not worth it coz i never improved on the meds we tried. Noone wants to help me, coz this is just where i'm supposed to be, and they can hear what i'm thinking and want me to die, but i'm not going there, not yet, maybe if i could just hurt a bit, but i cant do that until tomorrow, people are watching.

my hearts pounding, i cant cope and i cant cry and i cant block them out. theyre listening i'm sorry, im sorry if you read this i just i dont know what e o do. sometimes journalling helps but its not coz when i write i think and when i think they hear, but i cant stop thinking

sorry i dont know why i'm writing

j x

[Protège-Moi]

*Hugs*

I understand how you're feeling. First of all, close your eyes and let yourself breathe, try and focus on doing that for a few minutes - breathing and counting.

Those people listening to your thoughts aren't real, keep reminding yourself of this. They can't do anything to you.

Is there anything you could focus on to keep yourself distracted from things - try reading or play a mindless flash game perhaps.

Can you try contacting your psych team again or do you have access to a crisis team?

[jen-x]

i don't have anyone. I've just moved back home to my parents, and am waiting for mh people to contact me re my refferal. i cant go to bed coz i'll think too much and they'll be able to hear. Now part of me is saying noones listening, but where's the proof?? people say they're not but then they would wouldn't they! i'm so confuseedd i think i need something to dalm me down, slow things but i can t speak whenb it gets like this. I like go mute..

I cant read because my mind wants to read fastser than my eyes, but have been drawing which helps a teeny bit

thank you for replying.

jen x