Hello all, I am new to this site, and have joined out of sheer desperation that someone may be able to help or give a piece of advice.
I suffer from repetitive thinking i.e. when I get an idea in my head I will think it over and over and overanalyse it to such an extent that I end up having severe panic attacks and have to be sedated. The repetitive thinking I am referring to concerns somewhat abstract topics such as: consciousness of the mind and consciousness of passing through time. I am not a philosopher hence I should never have ventured into these waters, however there is something within me that makes me constantly self-desctruct in this way, and it’s driving me insane.
Many people suffer from repetitive thinking, however in many case the thought matter involved is manageable. Eg if one is obsessed with choking while eating, then simply leave the food and not eat while the fear lasts etc. However, constantly being conscious of one’s mind and passing through time is unbearable because it is active at ALL times. The concepts of "future" are unimaginable to me, even if it's referring to something in 5 minutes time.
I fear that I will get so scared and hopeless that I may harm myself. The state I can get in is very severe and my mind is driven to a complete state of desperation because I cannot conceive the idea of going through time for another second. And I am not depressed, I lead a well balanced lifestyle and general feeling of depression and hopelesness has never been my problem. Rather the obsession with abstract thoughts which revolve around some fundamental components of our being: mind and time.
I know what I say makes no sense to most people, but I’m hoping there is someone out there who may stumble upon my message and help me.
Thank you.
hiya welcome to ryl, your not going mad. i do not that sometimes, your alone,
are you see anyone for it, like have you seen a doctor.
“Never lose faith in yourself,
and never lose hope;
remember, even when this world throws its worst and then turns its back,
there is still always hope.”
Thanks Louise for your reply!
I’m 30 now and have been seeing a psychiatrist for the last 7-8 years, mainly for my obsession with looks. But this I can easily deal with because all I have to do is not look in the mirror and I’m sorted. But I have now developed obsessions which are hard to explain to doctors and even if they understood exactly how I feel, it wouldn’t help, because it’s an obsession with mind and time, the two concepts which are with me at all times.
If you can not deal with it by avoidance, perhaps it is worth looking at what is triggering the repetitive thinking. i.e are you scared of something that has happened, or will happen. These are perfectly normal fears to have, but if your reaction is this extreme, it may be something worth brining up in therapy to see if there is a way you can calm those fears and feel less as though the now, the then and the possible are such distinct things. To regain their fluidity.
Try not to forget that the mind is little more than a processing tool for what goes on around us. It takes in the information and puts it in a way we can easilly deal with. If, however, you have a fear, this process can stall and become irrational. The movement from one moment to the next is necessary in order for the mind to continue processing information and is, therefore, nothing to be afraid of.
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
Roibrn, thanks for your advice, it is much appreciated!
I have tried just getting on with things, trying to focus on the unconscious part of the mind, and just “be” as I have been so far. But the problem is that my obsession/fear of passing through time as if now is the final moment, is not a thought, it’s a phase the mind gets in by default now and I perceive everything around me in a very distorted way.
I have tried going deeper and cannot seem to find the solution. I have an over analytical way of thinking, which helps me loads in my area of professional work, but it has devastating difficulties when I apply it to abstract things that other people take for granted and are not naturally obsessed with. I feel like I differ from other human beings at the every core of my being, and I find it very hard to live like this.
I’ve tried medication, psychotherapy, the lot, and nothing helps. I know it has to come from within me, to alter my ways of perceiving things around me etc but how do I achieve this when I have a faulty way of thinking?
I know life is a blessing and so many things to do and achieve, but my perception of life and the process of living has become a very alient concept to me. I know that life can be hard at times, but I never knew that just being or existing in any particular moment can be such a big torment me
