Triggering (Suicide/Sexual Abuse) - Given up.

HazardxToxMyselfx3 · 07-04-2009, 03:07 PM

I've come to the realization that my life is useless and I am hopeless.
I have no chance whatsoever of passing high school this year. Which means no graduation for me. Which means I'm gonna have to hear from my mother how I'm never good enough for her.
I fucking failed my nursing entrance exam, so now I'm banned from the program at ECC.
I feel like I'm dragging my boyfriend through hell with all my issues. He has to deal with it on a daily basis, always worrying about me, asking if I'm okay, if I took my pills or not.
HE SHOULDNT HAVE TO DO THAT. It's not fair to him.
My fucking medication doesn't even work anymore.
Fuck counseling, I'm not going back. Hasn't done shit for the past 5 years, why would it start now?
fuck the flashbacks and nightmares.
i guess i'm just done.
i'm going to end up killing myself as it is, why not just get it over with now.

-sigh-
im sorry.

*..life in pain..* · 08-04-2009, 09:56 AM

don't stop therapy, you may not realize it that it helps. if you think that it doesn't help, can you find another counselor? what about your meds? talk to your doctor and tell them that maybe they should give you some others, that may be more helpful.

your boyfriend is worrying because he cares about you. talk to him and tell him you are having a difficult time and that you need his support.

why do you think you won't pass high school? i had the same problem. i was ill and i couldn't take the exams i had to in order to pass and i was so worried, that my mum talked to the school about my problems(depression)and they were very understanding. they even sent me flowers and presents when i was at the hospital. can you talk to your school? i don't know if it will be useful, but if they know that you are having problems, they may be understanding and help you. i don't know. thats just my opinion.

you can pm me if you want. please take care.
Irene
xxx

Snow White. · 08-04-2009, 10:32 AM

*sits with you*

I'm so sorry that things are hard for you right now. I know that dealing with school / exams and potential failure of a year can be really difficult but it's not going to have to be the end of everything. There are so many options about what you can do, speak to the school and see if they can help you.

I had to break over my final school year over two years and at the time it felt so painful but it meant I had more chance to do my best. Can you consider/investigate anything that your school might be able to do to help you at this time? It's really worth talking to people, you have nothing to lose & everything to gain.

Your boyfriend is there for you, and he does so because he loves you.People who love you & care about you are going to show that concern, and not because they are annoyed but because you are important to them.

If your medication isn't working now, I suggest you speak to the prescribing doctor and talk about it. It may help for you to change them & it may give you a bit more optimism for that change, too.

As for counselling, I was in counselling for - well, five years actually! And it's taken a while but with the right counselling & the right motivation from myself it's just a matter of time. Would it be worth looking for another counsellor? At the very least try discussing your concerns, see if you can work with it.

Oh, I'm sorry things are so hard for you but please don't give up. These things can be changed, something about all this tells me this isn't the end for you, there are better things out there for you & I hope one day you see that. Till then, please try & keep yourself safe & if you're in danger, speka out and get some help.

All the best xxxx

HazardxToxMyselfx3 · 08-04-2009, 04:11 PM

I'm hopeless.
I can't do it anymore.
I know JJ loves me, but he's better off without me, I just cause him problems.
FUCK.