Inside the perfect box...

[Caffe_al_Caramel]

Hello everyone, i kinda have a "problem" and i can't tell anyone else, i just need to get it all out, cause othervise i will explode... I'm not quite sure how to write it, but i'll try ..
I live in a small town where everyone knows everything about everyone (you know rumors and stuff...), I live in a perfect house in a "gated community", with perfect cars infront of the house, with a perfect family that never fights, we all appear perfect family where everything is perfect and shiny ---> thats how people see us ... But in reality there are my parents who are almost separated, who are fighting every single day about random things mostly about my dads firm.. my dad is never home and when he gets home ..well lets just say you can tell he was drinking.. my mom is on the edge of depression and me and my brother. we are supposed to be perfect kids who never make any mistakes, and when we somehow manage to dissapoint them they just can't belive it ("My child wouldnt do that.." etc.).. and they (especially my dad) start to push me even harder, i hate the competition between me and my dad.. he only cares about me when i achive something so he can brag with it.. i hate all the pretending (infront of others) that everything is fine.. i just cant do it anymore.. sometimes i cant wait to f*** up things so bad that everyone on the world will find out, and that my dad will feel really emberassed.. I havent done anything so "bad" so far cause i know it's not good for me.. but i'm affraid that someday he will push me to the edge when i wont even care about me anymore. I hate how I was raised to become a person withouth any feelings, i hate the feeling that im not allowed to cry, that i have to be strong, when clearly i'm broken. I tried to tell them how i feel, but they were always making fun out of my feeling.. i hope they are really happy now.. when i "dont have" them anymore.
I just wanna go away.. far away.

Well, thanks to those who will read this, I know its not supposed to be a big deal , cause there are people with a lot bigger and serious problems, but i just needed to get all out.
Thanks!

[HopeRises]

Hey Sweetie, I don't really know what to say but that last point you made where it shouldn't be a big deal because people go through worse is wrong. Yeah people go through worse but it's how things affect you and your perfectly entitled to be affected by this. I would be if I was in your shoes.

It sounds like your stuck in between a rock and a hard place, Where it feels like there's no way of resolving it. I'm sorry your parents didn't listen to you. There will be a way to fix this but It will take some time in finding.
Have you got a good friend you could confide in? Just because your parents pretend everything is perfect, it doesn't mean you have to aswell.

It does sound like things are tough right now and that your parents are going through some stuff. You say your parents didn't listen to you but how about your brother? Have you talked to him about how he feels about this?

I'm sorry I haven't got any advice. But I just wanted to let you know that I read this and I care and to let you know not to give up on this.
I hope you find some answers soon.

Stay Safe and Take Care

Leighxxx

[Manwathiel]

I'm sorry I'm not 'full of advice' at the moment, I think I'm broken ¬_¬
I'm really sorry about your situation, it's really tough having to pretend and be something you're not.
You should be allowed to be yourself, have your own feelings and you should be able to feel them and express them.
You really need to speak to someone, really let your family know how you feel about this, it's really not fair.
I hope things get better soon, take care of yourself <3.

[Caffe_al_Caramel]

Hello to both :) Thanks for advices!!!
1.) I dont really have a "confident" friend in real life (only here on RYL and 2 people who i tell everything - and they live 1000000000000 miles away), cause everyone here are like... well.. like me :S..(the problem of "everyone know everyone").
2.) My brother - he's not talking about his feelings, AT ALL, i have never had a real conversation (involving anything thats connected with feelings,opinions,...etc.) .. which is sad, cause he's only 16 :///
I dont know how to say it, but the most important things in my life are connected to RYL and people here, cause the BEST feeling is knowing that someone actually cares about you!!
So thanks !!:)***beijos!!!!