This is virtually my life right now, a real life story expressed in words.
“I just want to die” the girl whispered as a friend asked her what she wanted. ‘That’s all nothing else just to end it all’ she thought as she shrugged off more of her friends questions. No longer could she sustain the energy to wear the mask and she’s already let anorexia win and now it had finally seeped all around her body. The once outgoing, happy person she was has gone and is behind closed curtains the only smiles now are the ones emitted when the scales say she’s lost another kilo. Her days are spent fussing over foods and how many calories are in some. Slowly she pushes everyone away and eventually four are left, two know what’s going on and one, one is on the verge of leaving her too. Days pass in a dizzying blur as she continues to hold onto the delicate string of ribbon that’s her only connection to life and somehow she stays there, on the brink of death, a force is saving her from her own damnation.
Last edited by Crayon, : 06-06-2009 at 01:51 PM.
Reason: Renaming :)
This bit isn't extremely long, its more the start out..
I need advice as to whether to keep going like this, or re do it..
She walked off with her friend staring blatantly at her, obviously peeved at their latest encounter. She just ignored her; it was obvious that she was going to be the one she would lose next. She had four friends left and countless numbers of ‘acquaintances’ these four were Kami, Bre, Jess and Sam, each had their own views on life and unluckily hers and Sam’s seemed to clash all the time. It tore her apart on the inside to know that she couldn’t talk to her about her views on how she was living her life, but she couldn’t fullstop. It was out of the question now talking to anybody but those that knew and to tell them anything else was also out of the question, so she is slowly tearing apart on the inside and no one knows.
Teaghan sighed as she walked into the classroom, as usual she had tried to be as early as possible but was held up by people who were her former friends babbling about what they did on the weekend and some guy they followed around all Saturday night.
“He was so hot; I can’t believe he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Can you believe that Teaghan?” she asked.
“I guess not” I distantly replied as I continued to walk down the corridor.
My name is Teaghan-Bea, I have lived in the same small town since I was 10months old and my body is aching to get out of this well known hole.
I walked to an unoccupied seat at the front seeing that my regular seat at the back had been filled by the egotistical boys who normally surrounded me. I sat against the wall, that was a plus, able to hide one side of me against it and the other behind the mass of curls on the other side.
The tears that fall from my eyes are running out
cus i was too niave to fink id never have to cry
and when the last tear falls
il fall
so far away that you cant touch me
so near that you cant pull me out
cus the hole you dug was far to deep
Okay so i finished off the second chapter to the story, it isn't that long and i'm hoping to write more now that Easter is over so enjoy.
Also i need a name to the story as its currently named 'Damnation' on my computer, should i keep it as that and rename the thread or another name? Thoughts??
I took my exercise book out of my folder and began to copy notes off the board as I plugged my iPod into my ears and turned on Bad Habit by The Dresden Dolls their familiar sound rang through the headphones. and you might say it's self-indulgent
and you might say it's self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be happy
I sang quietly to myself without even noticing.
“What was that teaghan?” asked the teacher.
“Uhm, sorry what did you say?” I replied in a bored voice, he knew very well that I hated talking in front of the class, oral assessments were a nightmare for me.
“I asked you who Lord Balfour was” he replied sternly.
“He was the British Foreign Secretary who issued the Balfour Declaration for Palestine” I replied quietly as I went back to listening to the music, which was now on shuffle and I was listening to Hey There Delilah by Plain White T’s.
The bell rung on time today and I got up packing my things away. I was the last one to leave and the teacher called me over.
“Teaghan what’s up?” he asked cautiously, he’d asked me this for the past week, was I okay, was anything up and I was getting incredibly sick of the constant questioning.
“Nothing” I replied; my usual answer “as I have said for the past week and on other occasions there is nothing wrong, now get off my case, geez” I finished bluntly as I quickly got out of the classroom and to my next class.
Maths, this was easier, I was able to deal with Jess and her boyfriend Brad’s questions, they were easy to deal with as they just gave up if I didn’t answer them. I sat down in my usual seat still listening to my iPod I muttered a quick hello to Jess and Brad and set about my work. Although maths was boring the thinking involved needed my absolute attention so on days like this it was easy to just get completely absorbed into the work, this is why I didn’t notice the knock at the door. The teacher tapped me on the shoulder and I jumped as I pulled out a headphone “Yes sir?” I questioned.
“There’s uh, someone to see you outside, leave your work” he finished abruptly, this was also the good thing about this class, if you were quiet and did your work he paid no attention to you.
I got up, curiosity had gotten the better of me by the time I was at the door and I had become jittery in the short walk. As I turned the corner I saw my Year Advisor and a rush of relief went through me, if I was in trouble for something (which was highly unlikely) it’d be easy to weasel my way out of it.
She spoke first “Is there anything you’d like to tell me about your last period in Modern History Teaghan?” she enquired firmly.
“That um Lord Balfour issued the Balfour Declaration?” I replied I knew EXACTLY what this was about and it had nothing to do with Lord Arthur James Balfour.
“No, that you told your teacher to get off your case and that you haven’t been ‘yourself’ for a while now, what’s going on?” her tone was serious, but motherly at the same time, I hated when she did this, it made even harder to lie to her.
I wasn’t about to let my guard down “there’s nothing wrong, maybe I’m a little stressed but that’s it, nothing I can’t handle, I’m fine” I quickly replied trying to sound un-fussed. The bell went just as I walked back into class, I sighed, what a productive lesson, spent most of it arguing with the year advisor.
I packed my belongings up and rushed out of the room, hoping that the library was open so I could finish the work I didn’t finish during the last lesson, this allowed me to do two things that were to my liking and one was to skip lunch and the other was to avoid as many people as possible. I was lucky, the library was open and one of the senior study rooms was unoccupied so I quickly snagged it before anyone else did.
I got my work out once again and plugged my iPod in this time listening to Hinder’s song Heaven Sent, this song meant so much to me, and it was OUR song, once upon a time, when I meant something to anyone. My mind continued to drift as I remembered memories that were as if they were another persons now; I couldn’t remember who that girl was.
Sorry about how short this part is..Also I don't particularly like this chapter either, thoughts?
The bell rang midway through a song I wasn’t listening to and I ignored it, I ad class but I wasn’t going to it ‘Stuff this’ I quietly thought as I packed up and began to walk out of the library and out the front gates of the school. I slowed down now that I was out of the school grounds, they couldn’t physically do anything to get me back into school; they weren’t allowed to. My thoughts began to wander again as I ambled towards home, Fridays were good for this, I always had a free last period and if I walked slow enough I normally got home around the same time I normally would if I stayed for 5th period. I sat down by the little creek bed that I had to cross before I had to jump a fence, which was if I wanted to go the quick way. I watched as the water tumbled by, my thoughts recalling upon the last time he and I had talked or even been close to each other.
He slapped me on the butt before grabbing my hand and asking me what I was doing. I quickly replied “nothing” but I wasn’t confident enough in my speech and he spun me around to face him. “What do you mean nothing?” He replied sternly “It doesn’t look like nothing, going off to have something else to eat are we? Look you’ve already got fat upon fat in your legs don’t want to put anymore on now do we?” He whispered the last part into my ear. I began to pull away as he whispered to me exclaiming “let go of me” as I pulled against his grasp he squeezed around my wrist tighter and then let go, leaving a red mark. ‘Shit’ I thought ‘this is going to bruise’ I pulled my jumper over the mark hoping no one would see.
I was quickly pulled out of the scene as a motorbike flashed past and through the water; I shielded myself with my hand and got up. I stretched my legs out and quickly ran up the hill and jumped the fence, I loved to do this a 6ft fence and I was easily able to climb over it without slowing down too much. I walked down to my street and turned the corner noticing mum wasn’t home yet I silently did a victory dance as I knew that I was able to make her think that I had eaten, by leaving things out and getting crumbs on the chopping board. I got my key out of my bag and opened up the door, closing it quietly behind me. I dumped my bag off in my bedroom and got changed out of my ratty school uniform into even rattier trackies and jumper. I then proceeded into the kitchen making sure that I only stepped IN the tiles and in ones that had nothing in them, also not stepping on any lines or ones that weren’t fully complete around the edge of the room, this was my ritual throughout the house, mum hated the tiles and often told me that we were ‘going to get rid of the tiles just so you can’t obsess about the anymore’. I laughed quietly at this; mum hated my habits so much.
I sat back and waited for the computer to start up, as it did I logged into my account and signed onto msn; no one was on yet of course, they were all still at school, ‘how lucky they are’ I thought to myself sarcastically. I began to poke fun at one of the bots, noticing that I had no new emails and got bored halfway through, so I logged off and left the computer on standby. I looked in the mirror across the room from me and looked at myself.
‘FAT!’ she yelled at me over and over again, I knew I had to do this, get down to that number, I knew I could do it. I realised then that I had to get out of the house; I needed to clear my mind, so I left a note.
‘Mum Be back soon. I have my mobile on me if you need me. I love you.’
I rummaged around my bag and got out my iPod, keys and mobile, making sure it was on silent so they couldn’t bother me then left the note on the bench as I went out the door locking it behind me. I bolted away from home.
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On a side note, the thing with the tiles, I do ALL the time. I cannot stand it if I don't, like on the way to school i step on every second crack in the pavement and if I miss one I go back and step on it. Call me obsessed if you want.
