Triggering (SI) - I don't ever post on here

Gar. I feel so self centred writing this when other people are going through far worse. I feel like crap. I'm trying to fight this so much but this week has been a rubbish week. Ironically I've been quite happy (apart from today) but I've cut myself more than I did last week. I've been loads better than previously; only cutting myself once a day but today I've cut myself on about 6 separate occasions.
I went to see the counsellor today and it was one of those sessions where I walked in thinking I had nothing to talk about and came out feeling a mess. Stuff needed talking about but it took me by surprise. My dad died 11 years ago (when I was 10) but I try my level best to avoid blaming my life on him. He's not making me cut myself, I am. Nevertheless, talking about him made me come out and cut myself because I felt so alone and angry.
One of my 'best friends' spoke to me on msn today and said she needed help. She's anorexic and I'm rapidly becoming her mug. She started hitting herself with some weights so I drove over to help her and brought her back to Uni. She then proceeded to pretty much abandon me, ignore me and talk to everyone else. Fair enough, I'm so glad she was doing better but it's like the 20th time she's done it. She doesn't care about me and I love her and I have no intention of fixing her but she's another exmaple of the fact I'm just an idiot who doesn't deserve friends.
There was a free pizza/movie night on tonight at my Uni and all of my 'friends' were there. My fiance disappeared so I went up on my own and I spent 15 minutes with no one tlaking to me. After ringing Adam I said I was going back to my room but he then decided I was being stupid and he'd watch the film without me. I feel so damn lonely! There's a girl who hates me who has just left Uni because she can't cope and I think I'm the problem but all she has to do is sniffle and everyone flocks around her. I'm so lonely and broken and no one sees or cares and Adam's doing the same. I'm bringing him down with me, I can't expect him to be a social retard just because I am. I hate myself so much for being like this and I can't cut it out of myself either. I had a full blown panic attack last week and two or three people saw and no one gave a shit.
I'm just being a self centred bitch but I feel like crap and self harm feels endless. I don't feel like I'll ever beat this and most of the tiem it doesn't seem worthwhile trying because I've got no worth.
I'm sorry

ironic that

[Katiee]

Hey,
I'm sorry you're feeling like this. Could you maybe use distractions instead of harming yourself? You're not being self centred at all. *HUGS* If you want to talk anytime, I'm always on msn. xo.

[bobbiwibble]

you're not self-centred!!! my boyfriend calls me self-centred whenever we row because I'm ALWAYS asking him for help.. but if he helped me, I would be stronger and wouldn't need him as much. Try not to cut yourself honey, because it's not even making you feel better! keep posting on here, i find that a good distraction. start a rant or something.
I'm here if you need to PM me
things will get better. Try talking to Adam about it? He loves you, and why shouldn't he? you think youre worthless and a social retard, well, he obviously disagrees

xxxbobbib