Triggering (SI/Suicide) - Pointless??

just_different · 31-03-2009, 03:11 PM

Why am i here?
Maybe one day i will be happy but i dont know if i can waith that long to be honest. Im struggeling.
I messed up badly with SI a few days ago and its getting worse.
I havnt told anyone this time and i dont want to .
I think ive messed up my chances of getting help.
My therapist thinks im getting better when really thingas are worse than ever. but i cant talk to her.
I have serious anxiety issues and dont trust anybody and it mnakes it hard. And the one person i could trust i dont know anymore.
They keep telling me she hates me.
And showing me how to sort things out.
im scared
i dont want to be left alone in the house but when my parents go out i am and i have nothing to do.
I dont want to do anything
I just want to die
im so frustrated and confused

sorry for posting again :/

Popple · 31-03-2009, 03:37 PM

Don't be sorry for posting.
Do you think you could try explain to your therapist that you have slipped up and why you feel you can't talk to her. I know its hard but she is there to help and if you can tell her whats going on she might be able to help you more.
Maybe write it down if you can't say it.
When your parent's can you try keep yourself busy because if you sit and do nothing you are going to think about it more and make yourself feel worse.
Take care of yourself
x

Katiee · 31-03-2009, 03:38 PM

Don't be sorry for posting, sweet. I really, really think you should tell your therapist things are getting wrose, not better. If s/he knows what's really going on then s/he can help you.

It's OK to slip up, hun. It's part of recovery. Try and get back up again though, use distractions when you get the urge to harm yourself next time.

If you don't feel safe/don't like being by yourself when parents go out, maybe ring a friend up? go out with a friend? Even ring a helpline and talk about how you're feeling.

But please talk to your therapist sweetie, give it try. Take care. xo.

Cazki · 31-03-2009, 05:43 PM

*Cuddles you* Please dont apologise for posting your welcome to post as much as you need to, when ever you need to. Im really sorry that your having such a hard time. I know its hard but you really do need to tell you therapist so that she can give you the support you need. If you dont tell here she cant help you. If you cant tell your therapist face to face then perhaps you could writing down what it is you want to say?

Do you know what it is thats causing you to harm yourself? Please dont give up or end your life, so many people care about you and they would be devastated if anything happened to you. Slipping up is all part of recovery it doesnt make you a failure or mean that your back to square one. When your parents go out perhaps you could try doing jobs to keep yourself busy? Im sorry for the pain your going through. Keep fighting. Stay safe. Im here for you.

Take care all the best Ian

just_different · 02-04-2009, 09:46 AM

I have tried to talk to my therapist and tell her some things but she always says the same thing, 'imagine your coming up to a jump on your horse' but it doesnt work for me and shes been saying it for weeks now. thats all she says and i know its hard when she doesn't know whats wrong but its so hard.
I think i dont trust her even more bc she works with my mum sometimes bc my mum is a therapist for adults so occasionally they come together.
I dont know
i just dont know what to do anymore i dont want to do anything really.
I cant cope with everything and everytime i think ive got something sorted out someone comes along and tells me its a bad idea.
When im by myself i cant really ring anyone, i dont really have any friends, well i have one person who i talk to about everything but she cant always talk.

I really dont think theres any point anymore.
Im by myself now and im scared.
I want to do something badly
but i dont know
im confused.

Popple · 02-04-2009, 11:25 AM

Is there anyway you could see someone else, someone who doesn't have contact with your mum? By law she can't break confidentiality unless you are a danger to yourself anyway so if she did say anything to your mum then you would have rights to complain about her.
x

just_different · 02-04-2009, 11:32 AM

i think my mums knows everyone that works in that area.
I know that shes not allowed to say anything but that has never stopped people before.

What kind of a life is this though, im scared of people im scared of everyone even people ive known for years i cant trust anyone.
i dont think this is ever going to go away.

i hate it
and i hate myself
this is all my fault and i dont deserve a life