Hi.
I fully expect this to drop off the page with no replies, but eh, might as well try anyway, right?
Don’t try and bullshit me with the generic ‘Awwhhh, hugssss, I’m sure it’ll get better, blahblah’. You know what I mean. I don’t deserve those, and quite frankly, they piss me off.
Sorted?
Sure. Right. Whatever. Basically. I have plans, I’m going to die. I don’t think I even deserve support, but whatever. You have to try, right? To prolong the suffering. As usual. So. Yeah. I don’t even know what I’m meant to be doing. But hi there.
Look, don't do it. I've been there, where you are now. It may seem like suicide will solve everything, but it won't it will ruin others lives. Think about all the people this effects and why you're doing it. I'm not sure really what to say, just try to stay strong.
That's all I ever do. Think of other people and act for other people, and they NEVER give a damn about me in return. I'm sick of it. It'd be easier if I was out of their hair.
& yes, I have tried to talk to my best friend about this and he's just brushed me off, before I get the 'Omgggg talk to someone!' approach.
It's crap you're friend brushed you off, but they're not worth it if they don't care about you. Ok besides you thinking people don't care about you, what is making you want to do this? Ending you're life is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I'm sorry if none of this is the right thing at all to say.
Can you tell your parents? Counsellor? Teacher? SOmetimes the best people in your life don't hear you and that sucks.
I can't tell you why not to do it for you. I can tell you not to do it becasue we care. Despite what you think, we DO care and so many people would be devastated about losing you.
Tiff you're a wonderful person. I know you don't think that you are. But that's okay, becasue I think you are.
*cddles*
you can pm meANY time! Due to time differences and stuff, i may take a little while to reply but i will always reply.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I don't care if it's a permanent solution. I really don't. I don't have to feel anymore and that's great. I've been to the mental health services twice, they've offered me therapy but it hasn't appeared yet. I can't talk to anyone else because they just don't care. Talking doesn't work and I'm actually suprised that this has got a reply.
My best friend in the whole world just told me that people have worse lives than me. I know that. So I'm being selfish and this is stupid, this talking and asking for help causes more pain than just ending it all. It hurt to hear him say that and it hurts to know I've done everything for him and he thinks that I'm whining for no reason. So what is the point?
I've sat through this for nearly 5 years now, it's not going to get any better. So don't lie and tell me it is, because it wont.
& Jess, thanks, but I'm not a wonderful person. I wish I was, but I'm not. Can you tell me what's so awesome about me? I doubt it.
I'm too tired now. I'm just going to get it over and done with so nobody has to bother with me anymore. It's better that way.
You aren't selfish. It's a question of relativity.
Life isn't ALWAYS shit. It may seem that way, and to be honest I felt exactly the same way when I was in your possition... But things WILL get better. *Holds*... you say that you don't believe that, but you have said tha tyou trust me in the past so why not trust me now?
But why would it suddenly get better Mike? Surely if it was going to get better it would have got better by now. I'm not stupid, people have been saying to me for nearly 5 years and to be honest, I know it's not going to get better.
I don't see the point of struggling on and on with all this pain when I know it's not going to get better and there is no point in life.
I'm selfish and there is always someone with a worse life than me, so why bother.
Really.
also, what your friend said was a little insensitive, but sometimes it can be hard to know what to say.. maybe he was trying to.. i dunno.. talk some common sense into you or something.
5 years is a long time.. but things cant stay this shít forever. Youve just got to have the want to ride it out.
edit; also, why would this drop off the page wiht no replies.. people here know you and like you.
Attitude.
I changed my attitude, and suddenly things were no longer as shit.
Now I don't even care about the things that brought me down.
You only have a few more weeks (literally under ~12) of school left, and then you are free to do whatever you want with your life.
If that is end it, then tell me: Why? You can achieve so much, so why end it now? Do you think that it is not normal to suffer? Everyone hurts, some more than others.. But eventually it will pass. Trust me, when you get out of the education system (post GCSE) everything suddenly improves, a lot of stress goes away, and you can begin to enjoy life.
So please, don't be so hasty - no matter how bad things may seem now.
But why should I want to? I've ridden as far as I can and it's finally just got enough. It's not going to get better, so why are we trying to pretend it will?
Eh, there are various reasons why, I can stop hurting, I can stop dealing with everything, I can stop hurting people, I can stop everything and it's the end. Done. Call it pathetic or whatever, I don't care.
Mike, it's not about attitude. I've changed it, thought positive, changed myself, changed the way I think, the way I act, so it's more positive. I've forced myself to do this everyone else would do, be happy, act happy, etc. It doesn't work.
I don't give a damn about my school work. I don't care about life after. I don't care if I stay in school or go out of school. I'm what, achieving A*'s? I don't care, it's just a grade. That's written on a piece of paper. So whoopee.
This wont go away after my GCSE's, it's nothing to do with that at all. I'm trying to enjoy life now and I just can't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike
Do you think that it is not normal to suffer? Everyone hurts, some more than others..
That's been my point for the entire post. I am being selfish for this. It's stupid and I shouldn't even be saying this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike
But eventually it will pass.
When? Eventually is not soon enough. I will not put up with it for any longer. It's not worth it. Nearly 5 years now and it's not got better, so why would it get better? It wont, & saying it will wont make it get better.
I never said that saying it would instantaneously make it better, and I never said that an attitude change will do the trick entirely either...
For me, I've managed to get past most of the low parts of my life. I survived when I didn't believe I would. Admittedly, our backgrounds are very different but what is the point in giving up? There is nothing to be gained. You lose the potential. You have lived only a fraction of your potential life.
You have been given the opportunity that many have not. You can live. It may seem 'hard' now but you are in the final stages of the shit phase of life. I'm not trying to sugar coat anything. Life is fucking hard sometimes. Sometimes we all want to curl up into little balls and embrace the darkness. But we just have to endure.
Seriously, what is causing you so much pain? The past? The past cannot be changed. The present? Yes, things are shit rig th now but there have been good times in the past haven't there? You just have to survive the present.
The future? The future is never set, Things can change. Things can change with no warning. Sometimes for ill, sometimes for better. Life fluctuates. This isn;t the fucking telletubbies and I know that you know that. Life is shit and you have tasted some of its worst aspects. But you can get through this. And one day you will look back upon this and wonder exactly why you wrote that? I know I do when I look back on my posts written from two years ago. Do you not do the same? If not, then you should continue until you do... and then you will see that things CAN improve.
In the grand scheme of things, 5 years really isn't that long.
I don't know about you, but I like to think that if I get all the pain and all the sh*t out of the way when i'm young my life has to improve.
Say everyone gets an allocated 10 years of pain and sh*t times, I figure... well i've survived 7 of them, another 3 wont kill me and then it's all plain sailing.
Things might be sh*t now, they might still be sh*t in another 5 years, but wouldn't it be a shame if you missed out on something amazing?
This really isn't sounding as good as I intended it to >_<
If you want to chat, then PM is always welcome m'dear.
x
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Triggering.... Hidden just in case... "OMG I GOT TRIGGERED BY GOING INTO A [suicide] RANT THREAT OMGZ HAXXORZ"
Quote:
So then, why wish it on myself? Why put myself through so much pain that I want to end my life? Life is all we have - it's all we've got. Think of what you can do with life, anything really. Why choose something as irreversible as suicide? It's not like it's fun. In fact it would be very painful whether you succeeded or not. And not succeeding, well, I'm sure you know the horrible injuries you could sustain. But maybe as a 'vegetable' you'd appreciate the life you used to have? Don't wait till then. Start now.
Sounds easy, yeah? Another faceless person telling you to appreciate life. But it's not as if I haven't been there before myself. Remember the beginning of this - I am currently under section, so I know the shuddering pain of depression, how it can feel like it owns every part of you. I know suicide feeling logical and like the solution to all of your problems, and I know that moment you realise self harm is your only friend. And I know picking up the pieces isn't easy.
So then, am I a hypocrite? No. Maybe. I'm not going to deny that the pain isn't real and you'll probably feel like you're in a dark hole. But what I am saying is it needs to be shifted. It's not your fault you are in pain, don't feel guilty. Pain exists all around us everyday; you've probably just got more than your fair share.
When your life has fallen to pieces - or so it feels - what are you expected to do? What do most people do. They hide, avoid, or wait for something to come along and save them. But in reality, the only thing that will ever save you is yourself. And you can do it.
Two examples. The first is myself, standing at a bridge. Expecting the world to recognise I was in pain and I wanted to jump, just waiting for somebody to ask me if I was alright. And nobody came. I climbed the rail and looked down over the edge, and still nobody came to save me. Realising this, I stood down and sat peacefully. For I was saved - by myself.
The second example is one a lot of you shall be able to relate to. I told somebody what was going on with me, with my depression. Such a simple act is the beginning to be saved, and is so empowering. And it's a step you can take yourself.
There is no need to wait for people to notice. Chances are, you are hiding it too well. There is no need for someone to pull you from the bridge when you can step down. The same goes in asking for help. Put your hand up first, and if nobody notices, then put up both hands. You're worthy of having support.
And in realising this, I am nowhere near perfect, but I am able to get the support where I need, and I wish the very same for you all.
An extract from Why Won't Someone Save Me? Aimee's Story.
Written 15/4/08.
In the grand scheme of things, 5 years really isn't that long.
I don't know about you, but I like to think that if I get all the pain and all the sh*t out of the way when i'm young my life has to improve.
Say everyone gets an allocated 10 years of pain and sh*t times, I figure... well i've survived 7 of them, another 3 wont kill me and then it's all plain sailing.
Things might be sh*t now, they might still be sh*t in another 5 years, but wouldn't it be a shame if you missed out on something amazing?
This really isn't sounding as good as I intended it to >_<
If you want to chat, then PM is always welcome m'dear.
x
Totaly confused. I really don't understand what you're saying. what with all the" sh*t. Are u ok?
