i feel like i'm losing it... ridiculous paranoia like never before. dissociating, even my mom noticed i was out of it. i just said i was tired... my counselor knows but she can't do much. i'm on an ACT team, meaning i can call crisis and talk to a case manager on my team any time. but my case managers just recently started actually contacting me. though my home visit was canceled this week.
people don't get that i actually need help. i don't ask for attention, so they think i need absolutely none or something... i mean i called crisis the other night, cause i was feeling bad & wanted to cut. first time ive ever called the act team. i tried to start talking about what was going on, but it was hard. ended up with the case manager just distracting me. i need help with the problems. maybe there is no answer. but how can i communicate that i need help better without feeling like i'm begging for attention? i mean i know it's not, but i just have trouble asking for help. i need people to ask me questions at least a little bit. i have trouble formulating my words. i guess i just can't be like, hey ask me questions. it's frustrating. i have so much going on... why won't someone help???
it took so much to call crisis and all it did was get my home visit canceled cause they thought i wouldn't be able to do an assessment. i wasn't even suicidal! and i didn't even cut! i wanted to, but i didn't. i did earlier this week, but they didn't even really know that. then when i said i could, it ended up being canceled anyway. how do i ask for help when i can't make myself say it? i've written stuff down before, but that took a lot to even ask my counselor to read it. i can't do that with a case manager that i barely know.
