When I was 11 I got referred to a cousellor because my mother found out about me cutting. It was through CAMHS and i had to go to this house and see this women. I refused to speak to her and sat there for an hour a week crying and shrugging my shoulders, I refused to say a single word to her.
Each week she would set me a homework task and i would come back the next week with it uncompleted. meanwhile i was sinking further and further into depression.
After about a year of this she decided to give up on me, she told my mum that i was a lot better, we agreed this was a good move but i'm still angry about it. even though it was my fault i wanted her to persevere with me, i wanted her to break through and make me a success story, Im never going to be a success story.
has anyone else had a councellor give up on them? i dont know whta to think about it.
maybe she stopped working with you because you were so unresponsive in sessions? You say you refused to speak to her, how was she meant to help if you didn't have anything to say?
With therapy & such, you have to put in the work too, you didn't complete any extra help she gave you either, everything she did, she did for your benefit, did you ever explain why you couldn't do any homework she set you?
i don't want to make you feel bad, but CAMH's have a very long waiting list, up to 2 years in some areas, if one person isn't going to work with them then they may stop your sessions to work with someone who is willing to talk & open up.
The help is out there, but you have to talk & be open & that was you will be a success story, when I was 13 & with CAMH's i never used to talk, now I feel bad because that hour a week I wasted of their time, could of been used with someone who really wanted the help & was willing to talk to them.
To a certain extent you need to make the help happen yourself, if she gives you homework, try it, even if you can only do it for one day, thats better than none at all right? This has to come from within yourself & they will help you.
I know that she stopped working with me because I was unresponsive and i can understand that but why did she make me lie to my mum and lie to my mum herself?
and it wasnt that i didnt have anything to say, i had so much to say that i couldnt possibly get it all out, there were things i had never spoken about before and i didnt know how, it wasnt just her that i wasnt speaking to, i wasnt really speaking to anyone.
I can appreciate that, I remember one session when i was older where i felt if I even said one thing, then the rest would come tumbling out.
If you wanted to go back into treatment I'm sure they would take you & then you could write down things that you're struggling with in a list of severity & then try & speak about one thing each week. The thing is, there's a chance that it is all related so from there you'd problem lead on to one thing to another.
It's not always a question of how your going to say things, many of the things I've told the doctors recently don't make any sense to anyone but me, but I tell them, because I want to try, thats all.
If you couldn't speak to them then maybe writing things down & sending letters or similar would work, or drawing pictures & then when asked explaining them.
Hii,
With counselling and therapy and things you have to talk in order for you to 'gain' something from it. I know it's hard to open up and talk, but it does get easier the more you do it. I'm not saying you're in the wrong for not talking to her but yeahh... =/ Could you possibly see another counsellor and maybe start talking to them and try again? Take care. xo.
I guess you will never know why she lied to your mum or made you lie. I can understand how you might have felt rejected by her giving up on you. It sounds like there wasn't much more she could do for you at that time tho, even through she may not have gone about it the right way by lieing about it. Unfortunately counselling can only be beneficial if you feel ready for it, so maybe now you feel more ready for it?? If you feel ready for it perhaps you could go to your GP and get a referral to see another counsellor. Take care and best of luck
Kat xxx
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
