Triggering (Suicide) - my freind's suicide*trigger*

I Miss You · 26-03-2009, 09:32 AM

I first became invovled with self help sites like this one back in july 2006.

i was missing Diana really bad..so i decided to join one.

it was a really good place for me to be at the time.

I met a lot of nice people...a lot of people depeneded on me..and i even saved two people's lives.

which is where this sad story begins

One of my freinds there was this young seventeen year old girl named Rebecca.She was a very sweet girl and we became freinds.

We would talk all the time..and we exchanged numbers and talked all the time.

she seemed to be doing very well..but then i would read her posts and become very worried .

i knew she was in trouble..i knew she was in pain.So on Decemeber 5th,2006 i called her

and we were talking....and she wasnt herself...and i knew it

our conversation got to the point where i had to talk her out of suicide

I kept telling her how much i cared about her...how much she really meant to me..and i did love her as a freind.

The last thing i will never forget was ...she said"I'm sorry,I'm so sorry...i love you but i have to go."

I was scared..i didnt know what to do...i felt so helpless.

On the night of December 6th,2006...My freind Rebecca climbed up on to a bridge and jumped ro her death...She was just seventeen years old.

To this day..i blame myself for what happened...because i knew what to do in a situation like this ..unlike the other suicides i have been through.

like the old saying goes"what i know now is what i should have known then".

i feel like i could have done so much more for her...and i didnt

i just wish i could have done something....i should have been there for her.

And once again...i failed...like i always do

I would have done anything for her.

I cant talk about this anymore..its hurting me soooo bad...justr want to to curl up into a ball and die

Popple · 26-03-2009, 09:54 AM

You cannot blame yourself for someone elses actions.
You are not responsible for what she did, people make their own decisions in life and if someone is that determined to kill themselves you cannot change their mind or stop them.
You have not failed.
I really think you should get some proffesional help if you haven't already.
Take care of yourself
x

crazykat · 26-03-2009, 10:03 AM

Sweetheart none of this is your fault. You are not responsible for someones actions. She choose to kill herself and when someone wants to kill themselves that much you can't stop them. You have not failed, you were the best firend she had and she was lucky to have someone that cared for her so much. Have you recieved any professional support to deal with this? If not I think it would be a good idea so you can start to work through this. Take care
Kat xxx

grizzlybear · 26-03-2009, 11:46 AM

this is not your fault hun, there is not anymore you could have done, if a person is that determined to kill themselves then they will. nothing you did or said would of stopped her. this is not your fault, we are all reasponsible for our own actions and decisions.

is there anyone you can talk to about this, a friend, family member or counselloer? if there is not, it could be useful to speak to a counsellor. talking can make a big difference, i no it helps me

feel free to pm me anytime

HUGS

guiltyinnocence · 26-03-2009, 03:45 PM

*hugs* sweetie what happened is not your fault! though i understand the feelings, and i understand that people can tell you so many times that it wasnt your fault but you still feel the guilt. you have to believe it yourself that it wasnt your fault. your friend was the only person in charge of her actions. you lost a friend and often when things like that happen its easier to just blame yourself than accept there was nothing you could have done.
what you've been through is a very hard thing to deal with and if you arent currently getting any professional help maybe its something you should think about
im only ever a pm away if you want someone to talk to
take care of yourself
xxxx

Cazki · 26-03-2009, 04:54 PM

*Hugs* Im really sorry about what your going through. I agree with the others though, it is not your fault at all. You are not to blame. Your friend is responsible for her actions not you. I know that there are all these feelings of you feeling that you could have helped more and that you blame yourself for your friends suicide but im quite sure you did all you could to help your friend.

I think you were a very good friend and that you were there for your friend as much as possible. Have you ever had any proffessional support? Ultimately its up to you whether you but i really do think that you could do with some extra support. Please dont end your life suicide isnt the answer. You have not failed. Please look after yourself.

Take care all the best Ian

shieldworld · 26-03-2009, 06:20 PM

Sweetie, if she was prepared to take her own life, then whatever you said would have just postponed her suicide. Don't blame yourself for her actions, she did what she needed to do.

You were there for her as much as was physically possible, and if that didn't save her then I don't think anything could. You've witnessed what Rebecca's death has put people through, are you willing to put your friends through that? You haven't failed, you're still here and you can keep going. If you don't believe in yourself, then believe in the voice of the majority, ie. us.

Stay safe sweetie, my PM box is always open.

extreme turbulance · 26-03-2009, 06:24 PM

That is so sad honey but you have just got to remember that you tried your best to help her. she wouldnt want you to be so miserable now. you need to accept that this really wasnt your fault. pm me anytime!

Katiee · 26-03-2009, 09:35 PM

Hun,
As already said you are not to blame for her actions. *HUGS*
Do you have anyone you could speak to about this? xo.

*..life in pain..* · 28-03-2009, 10:05 AM

sweetie, its not your fault. as everybody has said, there isn't anything you could have done to stop her. she was so determined. please talk to someone about this.

I Miss You · 29-03-2009, 09:03 AM

mabye i got what i deserved..

im a terrible freind..who doesnt deserve anyone

*..life in pain..* · 29-03-2009, 10:04 AM

you don't deserve this.

ifoundareason · 31-03-2009, 04:35 AM

hi hun
my friend died this year as well and i regret every day because i didnt help her. if you need someone to talk to...please PM me

airwolf282 · 31-03-2009, 05:09 AM

Hey,

It's NOT your fault that any of this happened. You did all you could. You were a friend to her until the very end. She would have had her mind made up and you could not have saved her. I had a friend commit suicide last year 36 hours after a terrible argument, she would have been turning 26 on Friday

I didn't get a chance to apologise and I can't get that out of my head. I have learned to accept that it was her choice but I'm still mad at myself for anything I might have said that upset her. Please don't ever think that this is your fault. Can you talk to her family? It sounds like you've kept this inside too long and you need to be able to talk about it with someone. Please take care *offers hugs*