Graphic / Triggering - why again? oh god...

gotta-breathe · 26-03-2009, 04:40 AM

Bloody, bloody, bloody. Why am I cutting again? Why did I do it again? Oh right...because I'm a stupid sadistic fucking whore.
Nothing was going wrong. I cut for the no reason. The knife was just there.
I'm such a failure.

Today was supposed to be good, it was...and I RUINED IT!

Im so scared. I dont know what to do, im so scared. What have I become? How far will I fall before this all stops?

It feels good...damn it.

Country Girl · 26-03-2009, 04:43 AM

You're not stupid, there's nothing wrong with you, you are just one of the many of us who use SI to feel better. You didn't ruin anything you just hit a bump. *HUGS* It's ok, if you need anything PM me anytime.

DUNFERMLINEBOY · 26-03-2009, 04:44 AM

Don't be too hard on yourslf, we can all have setbacks and sometimes we can harm ourselves before we evn know we're doing it!

Don't call yourself all those horrible names though!

Take Care,

Craig

nobody.but.me. · 26-03-2009, 04:45 AM

God it feels so good doesn't it? That's why it is so damn addicting. But hun it only helps for so long. Then it's back to reality.. which I am sure you know. So is it worth it? Are the life long scars worth the ten minutes of relief?

gotta-breathe · 26-03-2009, 04:52 AM

im scared im scared im scared.

i dont want to do this. i dont know how. I want to be somewhere safe.

DUNFERMLINEBOY · 26-03-2009, 04:57 AM

Easy tiger. wHATS TRIGGERING you off just now?

gotta-breathe · 26-03-2009, 05:07 AM

nothing. thats the problem. im going insane with this, but its nothing

DUNFERMLINEBOY · 26-03-2009, 05:18 AM

Its maybey something on a sub conscious level then!!! anything at all!

emeraldeye · 26-03-2009, 11:23 AM

*hugs* its soooo scary isn't it? Most the time when I cut it's for the no reason, cause I see the knife and long to feel it. You're not alone though and you're not a freak. Are you getting some kind of professional help? If you really want to stop that's the best way to do it. But if you just want to chat or someone to relate to my pm box is always open *hugs again*

Katiee · 26-03-2009, 09:40 PM

Hun,
You're none of those things. You can get through this. It's just a slip up - they will happen. Just get back up and try again. We're all here for you. xo.

gotta-breathe · 26-03-2009, 10:54 PM

I ended up talking to my friend and she convinced me to go to my parents. I went and slept on the floor of their room, until my mom woke me up around threeish. She made me go back upstairs and tried to figure out what had happened, but i still wasnt coherent.
Im glad I did though, Im scared about what would have happened if i hadnt.

Thank you so much everyone. Your support means a lot to me