Triggering (SI) - Why do I want this?

[KittenEyes]

I have a job interview tomorrow at Starbucks', I am SO nervous! I've never had a real job interview (my last boss was kinda crazy..), and I'm afraid I'll seem too immature or not experienced enough of something weird. Or just stupid. And now I'm sitting here wanting to cut so badly, but now I'm afraid to because of possibly working, but then that makes me want to do it more! I'm going to wear long sleeves tomorrow anyway, but I just feel like... Like I'll get found out if I cut tonight, and that that'll make a difference (even though my arm is COVERED in scars already, I know one more won't change anything).

I'm also having suicidal thoughts, I feel like I'm just making myself upset to get out of going to the interview or something! I NEED this job, and I want it too, I love being a barista, but then I'll have responsibilities, and I don't want to get the job and then fuck it up by trying to kill or severely hurt myself in a couple weeks, or whenever it happens next.

I just was caught off-guard, I turned my application in around new year's, I knew they'd be hiring in spring, but I forgot about it and then I got a call today saying they're hiring... I just wasn't expecting it!

What should I do? Will it make a difference if I cut tonight??/ AHH.

[Lil'MissLaLa]

I can understand u're ambivelance over the situation - wanting the job and not wanting the job. Do u think maybe the anxiety over the possibility of getting the job terrifies you because your scared of failing? of what people will think of you? Any interview is anxiety provoking at the best of times but you wont know these answers until you try. What do u have to lose by trying? If you dont at least give it a shot, i can imagine that it will only feed your negative thoughts about yourself (i'm worthless, lazy, stupid - whatever) which will most likely lead to more si occurances. You dont deserve that, u deserve to have a chance to prove to yourself u can do these things.
Good luck, im thinking of you.
much love
Dani
xx

[Katiee]

Heyy,
I'm sure you'll be fine in the interview. Just do some breathing exercises.
*HUGS* Please don't cut. This urge will pass. Find distractions.
Is there anyone you could tell about the suicidal thoughts? Take care. xo.

[KittenEyes]

Thanks guys! I didn't cut, I'm getting ready to go to the interview, I think it'll be fine now.. I hope! I just need to relax. :\

[Sometimes Crazy]

Well done for not cutting! That's awesome :)

Let us know how you got on at the interview!